So I (24M) let my brother (27M) stay at my apartment “for a couple weeks” after he broke up with his gf. That was… like October. It’s now March.
At first it was chill. I figured, ok, he needs a place, whatever. He said he’d help with rent when he got a job. Never happened. Eats my food, drives my car without asking, leaves his shit everywhere. I bit my tongue a lot.
Last week I got home early and he had like 6 friends over. My 1 bedroom. They were drinking, loud music, dude was literally on my kitchen counter?? Spilled beer on my couch, burned my coffee table. I lost it. Told him it’s not okay. He laughed, said I was “acting like a landlord not a brother.”
Yesterday I changed the lock. Texted him he can come grab his stuff but he’s not staying anymore. Mom is calling me saying I embarrassed him and “family doesn’t do that.”
I feel kinda bad but also… it’s my place. I’ve been too nice for months. AITA?
Update: Okay, I should’ve thought to include this in the original post as it’s pretty important (especially seeing some of the replies) but my mom’s in an assisted living facility for health reasons, so having him stay with her wasn’t an option. Sorry for not thinking to mention that earlier, and thanks to everyone who has already replied!
NTA.
And no good deed goes unpunished.
Be aware your brother probably has tenant rights even though he never paid rent. Keep this in mind for the future should similar situation arise.
yeah, op might be in hot water for changing the locks depending on where she lives. Bro sounds like an ah that will make her get a lawyer to get him out.
OP is a “he”.
NTA.
“Family” can take him in, then. He’s shown he doesn’t respect you or your home. It’s long past time he went somewhere else, the free ride is over. Mommy can take him back. If she pushes any more, tell her flat out your lease says you can’t have a long-term guest, if she doesn’t take him back now, she’ll be taking you both in later.
Edit: I see OP’s mom is in an assisted living facility. My response to her is the only thing that changes: “Mom, he’s 27yo. He’s had almost 6mo to get his life together. Instead, in that time he’s not only chosen to destroy his relationship with me by abusing my generosity and kindness, but he’s physically damaged my home and is putting me at risk of eviction. He needs to go. If this is what it takes for him to get his life together, so be it.”
Maybe one of his 6 friends that have nothing better to do but ruin your place can let him couch surf.
NTA, also family doesn’t burn each other coffee table. Also Mom can take him in, it’s clearly her turn.
NTA but you need to CYA and make sure he can’t sue you for illegal eviction. In some jurisdictions he has lived in your place long enough to have established squatters rights.
I see why him and his gf broke up
I’m so happy for her.
NTA. He knows at least 6 people that he’s happy to invite over. Surely one of them has a couch.
Tell them you value your relationship with him, and him living with you was destroying it. Then call him and tell him hes a fuck up
NTA. He’s unemployed, was dumped, mooches off his little brother, doesn’t have a place or car of his own, treats you (and your belongings) like crap, but YOU are the one who embarrassed him? Hahaha! He embarrassed himself all on his own. He was disrespectful in so many ways and deserved to be kicked out. Kudos for standing up for yourself!
Sounds like he has 6 different friends places to go stay at. NTA, and sadly you should have forced him to leave sooner.
NTA. He obviously has friends so let him go live with one of them. You tried to be the supportive brother and he repaid you by being disrespectful of you and your home. Time for brother to adult
NTA. “Family” also doesn’t take total advantage of their brothers like this. They can take him in. He’s not a child he’s a grown adult that’s even older than OP.