I [20M] recently got into a dispute with my sister [21F] about a her going on a vacation to South Korea (a country none of us have ever gone) where she would tour alone for around three to four days.
My parents immediately told her that it was risky visiting a country whose culture and safety precautions she was largely unfamiliar with to which she responded that she wanted to learn to live on her own as I currently am (I live in an apartment building a couple hours away that’s right next to my university). She then asked for my opinion on the matter.
At this point, I vehemently voiced my displeasure at comparing my being hours away to her traveling outside of the country. She pointed out that her trip would only last a couple of days. I then tried explaining that she should start investing in living alone within our country first so she gets accustomed to taking care of herself before attempting do so in a foreign country (I also advised her to get to know a guide or a local to the area she’ll visit to have the perspective of someone who lived there at most times). I also stated that I had consistent contact with my parents (we call somewhat regularly and tell each other good night every day or so) and that I never traveled beyond the grounds of my school (unless I was accompanied by a friend). She then told me to stop yelling at her, that she wanted to connect with the culture and wanted to learn how to overcome traveling issues (i.e. a delayed flight and creating an itinerary).
My parents would support what I said and continued to voice their opposition to the idea. My sister then stated that she might consider not telling anyone her plans, and go off to the airport without telling anyone to which my parents responded that they would then go no contact.
After that heated discussion, my sister would bring it up again a couple of days later during dinner. I repeated that I was against her going to a country alone and grew erratic as I worried she might genuinely commit to it (I do believe she has the means of doing so) while my father also voiced his displeasure. She continued to disagree with me before giving me the cold shoulder.
I understand where my sister is coming from with her wanting to explore and learn to face strenuous circumstances, but I also felt it important to tell her how reckless she was being. Despite this, I can also see that this is not my business. She is an adult who can make her own decisions whether they be reckless, and she was willing to take on the challenge of being alone. I can offer advice as her brother, but nothing more. To this point, I ask if my reaction was unreasonable and whether I should’ve just supported my sister from the get go?
TLDR: My sister wants to visit South Korea alone. I harshly told her not do it and didn’t support her when our parents expressed their opposition. AITA?
YTA – Y’all are worried about an adult going on vacation?
You and your parents are both assholes. There’s nothing wrong with traveling and South Korea is pretty safe, especially because if she’s planning on only going for a couple days, I doubt she’s leaving Seoul.
Rather than being helpful family members and helping guide her through doing the research she could do to travel safely, you all just decide to shut her down and even threaten going no contact for wanting to travel. You guys are ridiculous.
YTA. This is really controlling. Plenty of young people travel, and if you’re that worried you’d rather want her doing it while staying in contact instead of no contact. It sounds like she’s asking the right questions, considering different challenges she may face while travelling, whereas you don’t want her to do it because it’s something you haven’t done and automatically assume it’ll be too much for her. Respect her like an adult.
YTA. She wants to go to South Korea not North Korea. Relax.
YTA, and a pretentious one at that.
Just because *you* are afraid to leave your country’s borders doesn’t mean it’s unsafe for your sister to go to a place that has [low violent crime](https://www.nationmaster.com/country-info/compare/South-Korea/United-States/Crime).
So you know nothing about South Korea and spoke against your sister’s plans? YTA.
South Korea is safe and fine to travel to alone. Encourage her to go and explore the world. In fact, maybe your entire family needs to get out a bit more.
She’s 21 and wants to go on a trip to a relatively safe country for a few days. Perhaps take in a concert? Sometime in April? Because if it is what I think it is, she’ll be surrounded by other ppl with exactly the same goals who are a notoriously nice group of ppl.
As long as she is reasonably cautious, she shld be fine. No drinking alone. Only take cabs/transportation she called. Have an itinerary. She’s adult aged and she shld be fine. Seoul is a city like any other but it’s relatively safe and I’m unclear what you and your parents imagine is going to happen. I am guessing the “no contact” threat is part of cultural norms in which women alone are somehow socially terrible, and while I try to respect other cultures, I find your parents’ behavior ridiculous and cruelly manipulative and destructive. Also, women are not lesser beings. Frankly, you are all being quite ridiculous, thoughtless, and treating your sister like she’s an incapable person who doesn’t deserve to be a whole human being. YTA
I hope she goes, has a lovely time, and cuts all of you it of her life and lives independently.
YTA
Travelling, especially to a fairly safe country is not reckless. There are far more dangerous places for a single woman to visit and travel.
You may not want to travel and that’s your prerogative; you’re sister isn’t wrong that if you can’t be a safe contact for her to travel then she doesn’t owe you details of her plans.
It doesn’t sound like you ‘discussed’ things with her you just tried convincing her not to do it.
YTA. South Korea is a safe country and pretty foreigner friendly especially in Seoul.
Solo travelling is amazing and builds character so much. It’s an experience I would actually recommend everyone does at some point in their lives because it’s such a poignant experience. Putting yourself outside your comfort zone, being happy and comfortable on your own, actually being able to do whatever you want without compromising to a group, it really is something that will increase her confidence and development more than any other experience she could have at home.
Just because you and your parents are too afraid of the world, that shouldn’t be passed down to your sister and it certainly shouldn’t stop her from experiencing everything the world has to offer.
Also your parents will go no contact if she does it anyways?? So they’d rather not know she was safe and happy in a foreign country if she goes against their opinion? That seems kinda backwards!
YTA. She is going on holiday, not drug running.
So when I was 20, I left the US to go to a foreign country for like 14 months. Bearing in mind that this was at a time when we didn’t have mobile phones so reaching out to family in the US was hard. My parents joked that they tracked my travels by the phone bill they got (I had phone credit card so I could make long distance calls that my parents covered!!!). It was FINE. I mean, I got off the plane with basically no clue how to cross the train tracks to get to the town I was meant to spend two months in and, again, it was FINE. I did not speak the language, but it was FINE. Honestly, making yourself available to new experiences where you are out of your norm is amazing and we should all do it.
Good for your sister. All of you ATA.
YTA. I can understand being concerned but acting angry and basically demanding she doesn’t go is extremely uncalled for. It’s also ridiculous for your parents to threaten no contact over that. At the end of the day she’s an adult and you can’t force her to do or not do anything.
YTA mind your own damn business.
Secondly South Korea is probably safer than the US.
Leave your sister alone and stop involving yourself with your parents to bully her
You and your parents are wildly controlling, I pity your sister. I don’t know where you live, but it also sounds wild to never go anywhere but to your school. It should be perfectly safe in Korea as a normal tourist. YTA and why does everybody else get to tell your adult big sister what she is allowed to do?