I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) for almost two years. We’re very solid, live together, and usually attend events as a couple. I’ve never had any serious issues with my friend (21F), who I’ve known since high school.
My friend threw herself a big 21st birthday party at a rented venue. She invited around 30 people, and I RSVP’d yes for both me and my bf weeks in advance.
When we arrived, there were assigned tables. I was seated at a table with my friend and her close friends, while my bf was placed at a completely different table across the room with people he doesn’t know. At first, I assumed it was a mistake.
I pulled my friend aside and asked about it, and she told me it was intentional. She said she didn’t want couples “attached at the hip” and wanted people to “branch out.” That sounded fine until I looked around and realized that literally every other couple (including people who had been dating for only a few months) was seated together.
When I pointed this out, she admitted she thought my bf would “kill the vibe” and said I’d be “more fun” without him around. For context, he is quiet but extremely polite and has never caused any problems at any event.
My bf was clearly uncomfortable once he realized everyone else was seated with their partners except him. He tried to brush it off, but I could tell he was embarrassed and confused.
I told my friend that deliberately separating us while seating everyone else with their partners was hurtful and unnecessary, alone with her comments about him not being fun. She rolled her eyes and told me it was her birthday and I was being dramatic.
At that point, I decided not to make a scene so we stick around for the rest of the party, but I was kind of more quiet the rest of the night than usual.
Since then, my friend has been blowing up my phone saying I “ruined her birthday,” embarrassed her, and made everything about my relationship. Some mutual friends agree with her and say I should’ve just stayed quiet for the sake of the party, while others think what she did was mean and intentional. I don’t really think I caused that much of a scene, but it is her birthday after all so I feel bad if other people noticed.
I genuinely didn’t want to cause drama, but I also didn’t want to ignore the issue and leave my bf feeling uncomfortable. AITA?
ESH
your friend, more so, i understand asking her about it right away when you noticed cause thats your man and you wanna defend him, but then to stay the whole time? It almost makes asking in the moment redundant. If you werent planning on leaving, you shouldve just asked after the party.
NTA but you should have left when you saw the seating arrangement and heard her reason. You would not need to say anything, just casually walk out.
She is not your friend.
NTA, your friend is an asshole
ESH except your poor boyfriend. Firstly this person is NOT a friend. Also you should have left. Always stick up for your partner even when it topples the boat. Who cares.
NTA for what sounds like a direct conversation with someone you thought was a friend. You say you argued with her, but if the whole extent of the argument is essentially what you wrote in your post.. that’s not even an argument. That’s just asking questions and then telling someone your perspective. It seems clear she’s not a great friend though. Everyone is allowed to be a little selfish for their own bday party, but wow she sure is selfish. Parties are meant to be enjoyable for the attendees, too! Not supposed to be just everyone fawning over the host 🙄
YTA. Good relationships are built on trust. Why would he trust you now?
What does this have to do with the story at all? Bot comment?
Why wouldn’t he ?
ESH (except boyfriend). You should have left as soon as it became apparent your “friend” was going to treat him so poorly.
Your “friend” was the only one causing drama
If what she said at first was true, I’d be on her side. Splitting everyone up and letting everyone mingle.
There is nothing worse than being at an event and all the couples being all cliquey and thinking they are somehow better than everyone because they are couples. (Not saying you do this btw but some absolutely do) Then the single people or the +1s are left to fend for themselves.
However given that wasn’t the case this is clearly personal so I’ll say NTA
Maybe in a few days when she has had time to calm down, speak to her on the phone and explain how it made you feel.
I also agree with what someone said below, have you spent less 1:1 time with her and maybe your girls group since you started dating?
This happens to a lot of friendship groups and it’s hard not to be a little bit pissed off at being the single person. That being said, there are more mature ways to deal with this.
This is not a ‘friend’ worth keeping. Why on earth would you care that she’s upset over this. I would have said ‘’Good, I hope it WAS ruined. Don’t have a nice life. ‘Bye.’
She did something absurd, you responded in an ordinary way and behaved very politely. She blew up your phone afterwards complaining g that you embarrassed her. Some mutual friends got involved and agree with her. Very formulaic AI slop.
She chose to disrespect your boyfriend, her party, she can do that. But you made the choice to stay. You allowed her to disrespect your bf and by doing so, you disrespected him. The two of you should have quietly left or you should have moved to his table. She would have been mad, but she is mad anyways.
You are NTA for mentioning it, but TA for not further having your bf s back. Use this as a lesson, a learning experience. Show yourself and your bf more respect. Apologize to him and tell her the next time she disrespects you and your relationship, you will just leave.