So I (19M) live with my grandparents, as rent where I live is extremely expensive and I sadly just cannot afford to leave home with the wages I make. To clarify, I am forever incredibly grateful they allow me to stay and would be lost without their generosity.
Today, me and my grandmother (58F) were grooming our youngest dog. He is a bit skittish and doesn’t enjoy getting his nails clipped, but does tolerate it. He has all black nails which makes clipping them a bit more challenging. Because of this, I hold and soothe him as he gets them done. my grandmother gets impatient, which is understandable as its not a very fun chore, and clips them down farther than recommended (they say clip little by little until you see the black dot of the quick, she seems to just guess and cut around twice.)
I had stopped her once or twice from going down too far on some, which seemed to agitate her a bit, as she is very independent and kept saying "I know how to do it." while cutting the last nail, I hadn’t noticed how far down she had the clippers. She hit his quick and he yiped pretty bad. Out of instinct I half-yelled "grandma!" frustratedly as I checked his claw for bleeding. I felt that because she wanted to just get it over with, she was cutting down without thinking about how far his quick actually was down his nail.
I agree I should not have raised my voice, however as I stated before it was almost instinctual as the dogs are extremely dear to me, having gotten me through major depressive episodes. I didn’t mean for it to come out as harsh as it did however and I am extremely apologetic about this aspect.
she seemed to take this as a personal attack however, despite me not saying anything other than this, and started to yell about disrespect and not tolerating people talking to her like that. though i could tell she felt bad, she claimed it "wasnt even that bad" (it was) and it seemed as though she prioritized defending herself over actually helping me look at and comfort the dog. I tried to explain that I understood she didnt mean to hurt him, however she still did and she had to go slower and be more careful. it seemed to go in one ear and out the other as she had already registered my words as disrespect.
as I got up from helping her apply quick stop, she continued to talk loudly to herself about kids talking to her "like shit". that attitude carried into how she talked to everyone the rest of the night which caused the argument to spiral.
I understand that she felt guilty for hurting our dog and absolutely didnt mean to, and I don’t hate her for it or anything, I was simply worried and it came out in a bad way. she seems to take most criticism as a personal attack however, even if it genuinely comes from a good place, and its very strenuous on our relationship.
I agree that I could be also in the wrong, but I do not believe I’m completely the asshole. I would appreciate some fresh sets of eyes to help me see the situation more clearly.
NTA. for the record I’m 58F. If I’d had someone concerned about how I was clipping the nails and then had them exclaim when I definitely clipped one too short I’d be embarrassed and probably (no pride here) try to make excuses. But blurting out in the moment isn’t “talking disrespectfully”. She’s a grown woman and should act like one FFS.
NTA. Your dog was hurt and you reacted. I would apologize for yelling later when emotions are not so high because, even though she messed up, she was just trying to help with the chore. That being said, you should probably just take the dog to the groomer/vet from now on to get this done. She clearly doesn’t have the patience for this task and this accident will likely just happen again if you keep having her help.
thank you! we’re all currently in bed but I do plan on apologizing for raising my voice in general tomorrow morning 🙂
Nta
NAH. It sounds like it was an accident and both of you snapped at each other out of shock. Apologize to grandma. Then figure out a different approach to getting your dog’s nails trimmed, because you will be the A if you all keep doing this over and over again. Hire a professional groomer or ask a friend to hold the dog while you do it yourself.
NTA, your response originated from love for your dog and the unintentional injury that occurred. Sit down with grandma and calmly and sincerely apologize for yelling. Explain to her you reacted out of worry for your dog, and not out of anger toward her. You both were frustrated at that point since the dog was getting upset with the nail cutting, and you’re apologizing for yelling out of concern not anger.
NTA. “I understand that she felt guilty for hurting our dog”: if you said anything to support this in a serious way, I missed it. Find someone else to help you with your dog.
I probably should have said we do come from a family of people with mental illnesses, as my mother and I both have bipolar so I believe her actions could have just been a mix of that being undiagnosed in her (speculated) as well as frustration as i know i personally have an issue with deflecting blame to cover up guilt that im working on, I know she felt guilty I just wish she would have taken it in a different direction lol!