I (19F) live with my mom (46F). This all happened in one day.
That morning she asked me for $20. I’d already given her $50 + $19 days earlier. She had been paid ~$500 the week before. If I say no, she yells, so I sent it.Minutes later she got a surprise $200 bonus. Hours later she called and said:
“Send me $4, I’m doing my eyebrows.”
I questioned why she needed $4 after $200. She said it was for groceries “for all of us,” but I barely eat and most of what she bought was food only she eats. She told me not to “start” because people could hear her arguing. How?! You received 200$ why do you need 4$ from me?
She talked abt how she did groceries for all of us…mind u im a picky eater. I only eat chicken, pasta and spicy noodles
So idk how my groceries and hers added up to 200$ even when I buy my own shit it’s rarely higher than 60$ unless I’m also getting her things
I called her out about her being nice about money after all her threats and she just told me to not start because people could tell she was getting in an argument. It’s not even about the 4 dollars. This is a 2 person household and the original plan was for u to buy the food for your work lunch and YOU ORIGINALLY ONLY NEEDED 20$! HOW DO U BLOW 200$
so she got home and she basically said “pay me back all the money I gave you and your bf is no longer allowed to ever come in here again”
I told her I already paid for school so she wouldn’t get shit back(I didn’t, it was covered by financial aid. And plus I was saving money as well, so if I paid her back I would be paying with me money as well)
She bought me noodles(10-11$, juice 3$….and meat. Which before getting the 200$ she said to give her an extra 10$ for the meat I had asked for a few days back. Idk how much the amount she bought was worth tho. The rest of the groceries were like big fish and veggies(I don’t eat those things). So mainly her things. AND she got her eyebrows done which I HIGHLY doubt was originally part of her plan. So my things weren’t even a majority)
Later today, I was on the verge of fainting cause i haven’t been eating cause of depression and just not wanting to be in the same room as her. She came in the living room for me to give her insulin shot. I told her to hold on and let me breathe cause I was about to faint. She still got mad and rushed me. So I did the shot, she left, I ate a protein bar and headed to the bathroom. Few minutes later, she knocked and said “if you’re feeling sick, call the ambulance and ur bf to help you out, I will not take care of your health.” Ironic. We later argued some more and basically now I am expected to pay my own phone bill (on a phone she got on credit and TOLD ME to get a new phone mind u), bf is never allowed to come over, apparently I am only waiting for her to die, etc
AITA?
NTA. You’re 19, time for find other living accommodations. If not then never give her money and act as roommates only.
NTA, but a few things
1. You need to eat vegetables, for your physical and mental health. Find a way to make it work.
2. Why do you live with her? She’s obviously toxic.
I am a college student with very limited help. Even if I try to leave, I doubt my savings will last me long. I’m trying to push till I complete my diploma but I am slowly losing faith tbh.
NTA. Can’t you go live elsewhere?
Unfortunately I am a student, I did not take out a loan for education so even if I covered this semester with financial aid, I still have to worry about the next year
I only have around 4-5k in my bank acct rn, I dont know how I could use it effectively without losing it all by just trying to survive.
Find a 2 room apartment with like 4 girls living there like its a dorm. Get a part time job. It will be tough but it will be much easier than living with conflict ike you have with your mom.
5k saved up is a great buffer at your age, many young pwople move out with less.
Also, my understanding is financial aid is set up to cover all four years if you qualified in the first place. Your situation might be different, but this is how it works for us in my state?
Trust me, coming from a family like this. It was way easier struggling on my own than struggling with a selfish parent in my business.
Well in my case it was honestly out of luck, I didn’t apply for financial aid or OSAP before starting college(OSAP is basically a student loan that can cover the entire length of your time in school. Usually u need parental information for them to see if ur in need. I got into an argument w mom and she refused to help me use her information to get the loan. So rn my financial aid that I got out of luck tbh is only to cover my second semester)
So unless I get lucky again I will still need to spend money on books n other stuff and my last year.
NTA, it’s her responsibility to look after you financially, not the other way around. If she asks for more money, just tell her you’ve got nothing left.
NTA ofc. Your mom is not entitled to whatever amount of your money she wants just because you live with her. She doesn’t sound like a kind of person who could agree to fixed sun a month you pay her for rent + groceries, but rather she wants to be able to guilt you into giving money whether she wants. I would say that you should immediately take steps to disentangle from her control — pay your own phone bill, buy your own groceries (when mom wants money to buy food for ”everyone”, you tell her you don’t need anything), keep on not telling her how much money you have saved and that you recive financial aid. And look for ways to move out.
First, I am very sorry you’re going through this. No child deserves this treatment.
Second, you need to find roommates and move out. Get on Facebook marketplace or school housing website. Not sure where you live but if there are Korean communities nearby, I can recommend a website where people offer housing for really cheap price.
Do not ever give up on finishing college. If you need to take a student loan out to live elsewhere, do so. After graduating, you’ll earn 50k salary minimum. You can start paying it off 6 months post grad. Taking a loan out to have peace/education is a much better choice than continue living in a toxic environment/not being able to focus in school. Please please please do not give up on education.
You heal and eventually have a family of your own one day. You get to live in peace and not repeat a toxic cycle.
nta but its time to live on your own even for 6 months to gain perspective and freedom.
NTA
You need to get your own place.