This happened like 2 hours ago at time of post so i still feel quite raw, violated and frustrated still.
I (m20s) was in my bedroom and after dinner and then a shower i was feeling quite sleepy and got into bed as for what would hopefully be to fall asleep for the night, granted it was still somewhat early (for me) about 9:30-10pm.
Due to past history ( which is too long to drive into fully likely anxiety based) i find it hard to fall asleep i am either 2 extremes: i can fall asleep in 10 minutes or it be 4 hours of trying so when i get sleepy i go to bed near instantly sometimes the ritual of shutting computer down, turning off lights, brushing teeth etc is enough to wake me up enough not to be sleepy anymore.
I was woken up due to the bedroom door as its extremely creaky around 1:30 am it was my mother she then proceed to walk into my room and turns my computer off which is extremely close to my bed ( less then a foot/ with arms reach) and then walks out. The most reasonable she would even come into my room at that time that i can think of is either i snored as she was in the bathroom as it is a very thin wall and then walked in and turn everything off.
The reason i know for sure it was her because she has done the same thing in the past multiple times and told me off for going to sleep with my light/computer on the basis of saving on bills . I normally give a neutral response as if i point out all the hypocrisy when it comes to saving money on bills as she turn on lights unnecessarily out of habit or my dad leave the xbox on and she doesn’t turn it off or how leaving lights+computer on for roughly 8 hours at off peak times is nothing comparing to my dad’s insistence of having the heating in winter on which is FAR more costly.
What makes this situation so frustrating is that i ask near nothing of them (parents) except do not come into my room while i\`m asleep as once woken up i find it incredibly hard to fall back asleep as i feel like i have to be on guard, alert and have my defences up just in case it happens again.
While i don’t like my light being turned off i can understand and it is right next to the doorway so the chances of it waking me up is minimum but i do not understand seeing me in bed asleep then seeing my computer on and think
" i should get within arms reach of a sleeping person and turn off their computer because it will save X money even though it is likely to wake them up"
From experience i can confidently say my mother is the type of person who only learns when it happens to her and it is incredibly hard to talk her into changing her opinion as the more you try the more defence and dug it she gets the only thing i can do is talk to her when she wakes up likely angrily and swear (which is extremely rare for me so it would show how strongly i feel on this) and say how violating it is to be sound asleep only to hear and then have a random person inches away from you messing with your belongings
edit: made a error in the judgement bot reply: it should read ".. unless it is a emergence and to stop turning off my computer"
edit 2 : a lot repeated things being said so i will answer in here instead of individually:
rent: yes i pay rent
lock?: i dont have a lock and nor would i likely be allowed to have one due to it being their house> my room
cost of leaving a computer on: when the house got a smart meter my dad measured how much each appliance used and it turns out my computer is negligible so roughly calculated leaviing my light on+computer for 6 hours at off peak rates would be under a dollar.
sleep mode: yes that is something for the future for my computer although i am uncertain if it would work as i tend to listen to podcasts (2 hours long) and i\`m not sure it autoplaying would class as activity and reset the sleep counter
on reflection: i made this post more to vent then for a judgement and the world explode is not the best world i could have used, but saying " try to have a conversation about this and due to feelings it leading to a arguement with shouting" in short hand and then go on to explain that + the situation within the word limit would be impossible.
Do you contribute to bills? I think we need some more information here cause to me this reads like you’re burying the lede here.
yes i pay rent
Yes, you would. Turn your stuff off. It’s a waste of money and not great for the environment.
Also, is it your parents house? If so, be respectful of that. If you really can’t help it, maybe make a rule of turning everything off at say 7pm so when you do get tired it’s not an issue.
Also, do you pay the electric bills?
INFO: Are you, as a full adult, paying an appropriate rent and equal share of utilities? If not, do you have some sort of disability that prevents you from working and supporting yourself?
EDIT Since no answer from OP was immediately forthcoming, I’m going to flesh this out. If OP were fully and appropriately contributing to the running of this household, or had a disability that legitimately prevented him from doing so… well then he might still be the AH for not just turning his damn computer off, but it would be less clear-cut. Tbh I’m getting neither fully-contributing-adult nor too-disabled-to-function vibes from the post, but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Frankly, and sorry to say it, but the vibe I do get is that if you changed OP’s age to 16 but left everything else the same, the post would make more sense. I think that’s the basic reason why most people are tearing OP a new one on here, and with respect, it’s something he should do some introspection about.
apologies for the late reply, i didnt want to doom refresh this post
yes i pay rent, in terms of utilities (excluding food) i would say i pay more then my equal share as i do not ever turn the heating on ever i get a extra layer on.
About disability i am autistic so not sure if that counts for me it manifests with extremely bad at social settings meaning i would say am socially under developed.
YWBTA if you exploded at her. You’re tired, and not thinking straight because you’re tired. Have a reasonable, serious conversation tomorrow. Don’t jump straight to swearing or plan on freaking out. Don’t sit on the internet at 4 am thinking about how you’re going to confront her as it’ll just keep your mind awake and agitated. If she’s stubborn as you say, she won’t respond better to an irrationally angry reaction.
Info: How much did you agree to pay her for running these things all night and when was your last payment?
Because it sounds like this was not part of your rental agreement. You can argue all you want about your dad leaving XYZ on, but the difference is (I’m assuming) he is paying out of his own hard earned money to leave XYZ on.
You don’t ask much of them except shelter, heat, electricity, Internet, what else? And before you come at me with I pay them or I do this and that for the them, it really doesn’t make too much difference.
Because, how dare you be in someone else’s house and “explode” on them for anything? You can pack up all that computer stuff, grab your pillow and blanket, and take it to your own home with your own bills, where you can leave the light and computer on in perpetuity.
YWBTA, Don’t let the bed bugs bite.
YWBTA if you exploded at your mom. Her wanting you to turn your computer off is a reasonable request. it just takes a few seconds. Next time you get sleepy just turn it all off before you do.
Maybe you can change your computer setting to turn off if there is no activity after an hour. Then you can let your mom know you set it to shut down after a period of time so she doesn’t need to turn it off. That could be a good backup plan.
YTA – Instead, go with, “my bad mom, thanks for turning it off”
Turn your computer off and lock your door
YTA.
You’re leaving on things that drive up a bill that you are obviously not helping pay. You didn’t mention working, so do you even have a job? Are you at least attending school?
This was one of my biggest pet peeves in my house. I have an adult nephew, his wife and their 4 kids living with me. I was constantly turning off lights, computers, tvs, etc. At the time, none of them helped pay the electric bill, which went from $200 a month to $500 a month.
However, once I showed them the difference and told them they needed to pay the difference. They started telling their kids to turn off things, but they still kept leaving their own stuff on. I said I didn’t care anymore what happens as long as they keep paying that part of the bill.
Then it went up another $100 the next month. Suddenly, they expected the kids to change their ways overnight. I’ve actually had to step in when their parents went overboard and started punishing *all* of the kids (grounding them and taking things away from them) every time they find something on. I told my nephew and his wife that, not only are they still doing it themselves, but the kids doing it is their own fault since they never corrected them. After we talked, I explained that all of them are still trying, but none of it is going to turn around overnight.
OP you are obviously in that mindset of it doesn’t matter cause you don’t pay the bill.
Computers do use up a decent chunk of electricity, much more so than lights (especially LED lights nowadays). Twice as much as an Xbox, but either way, there’s no “hypocrisy” because the people who pay for the electricity get to prioritize how it’s used.
You’re arguing about other people turning off your electronics that are on while you’re sleeping, so YTA about that. If you’re asleep, why is your computer on and why are your lights on?
But look: this is a problem that technology can solve. Set your computer so it shuts down after a certain amount of idle time. Get some smart lights, or a smart plug that you can plug your lamp into, and have your lights automatically turn off at a time that makes sense to you. For me, I have all smart lights turn off at midnight. Then, nothing is left on unnecessarily, and nobody has to come into your room.
This might seem like nickel-and-dime BS, but you do have to keep in mind that the cost of heating and electric DOES add up, and isn’t it kinda silly, after all, to waste $20/mo just on leaving a computer on while you’re unconscious? That’s $20 that could be spent on a tasty dinner or a movie or a new game.
You also have to keep in mind that the cost of electricity has gone up, AND the cost of food, and pretty much the cost of everything. Your parents might be just like most of us, noticing how much less our money buys these days, and it makes sense to find “low-hanging fruit” or easy ways to free up some bucks by changing habits.
Do your part and turn things off. Especially if you are not contributing money to the bill! It’s a reasonable request and frankly it’s better for your electronics.
As an added bonus, when you do move out, your soon-to-be-established habit of turning things off will save you money. It’s just a good habit to have all around.
And in fact, another good adulting tip is, when you’re ready to turn in for the night, just take 5-10 minutes to do a lap around the house and pick up clutter, put things away, load the dishwasher, empty the trash, turn things off, set out your clothes for tomorrow, etc. so that when you wake up in the morning, everything is tidy and ready for the day. It’s really a game-changer and helps make things much more efficient in the morning.
ESH. Adults deserve privacy even if they’re living at home, but not shutting down your computer at night when you know it’s important to them makes you an AH, too.
YTA.
Not because being woken up sucks. It does. Anyone would be frustrated. But your reaction and framing are way out of proportion to what actually happened.
You live in your parents’ house, and even though you pay rent, it’s still their home and their rules around utilities. Your mom didn’t come in to scare you, violate you, or mess with your stuff for fun. She came in to turn off a computer and light she’s repeatedly told you not to leave on. That’s annoying, yes. “Violating” is a stretch.
You’re also assigning a lot of intent that isn’t there… this wasn’t some calculated decision to invade your space. It was habit plus control over her own house. You know she’s done this before. Instead of preventing it with practical fixes like sleep mode, turning things off before bed, or rearranging the setup, you’re stewing until you want to explode at her.
Exploding, swearing, and framing this as something that has to “happen to her” so she learns is not mature or productive. It will only confirm whatever negative narrative already exists about you in the family.
You’re allowed to want boundaries. You’re not entitled to enforce them through rage in someone else’s house. The adult move is to remove the trigger, not blow up at the person who keeps doing the same predictable thing.