I was best friends with Sam for about 3 years. (since 7th grade, now we’re in 10th grade)
Our school had an annual Children’s Day celebration with many events. Sam and I planned to participate together. We first tried for Cooking Without Fire but couldn’t find the teacher, so we registered for Collage Making instead. He didn’t seem very interested, but I encouraged him. The day before the event, we spent about 2 hours on a call planning materials and ideas.
The next morning, he didn’t come to school and didn’t inform me. I only found out after arriving. When it was time for the event, I told the teacher I wouldn’t participate because we had planned it together and I felt overwhelmed doing it alone.
That evening I messaged him asking why he didn’t come. He said his mom was sick and he had to take her to the hospital because his dad was out of town. Later, I saw a social media post from his mom showing both of them at a relative’s house for Children’s Day, which made me feel he hadn’t been honest. Even if he couldn’t come, I felt he could have told me.
I told him I was hurt and needed some space to process everything, and I apologized if I hurt him. He responded by ending the friendship and told me not to message him or come to his class.
The next day we were both volunteering at a school gospel fest we had registered for two weeks earlier. I had tried to coordinate so our friend group could serve together, but I ended up alone.
Later, another friend Jay handed me his phone. I saw several voicemails Sam had sent about me and sent them to my own phone without Jay knowing. Jay later stopped talking to me.
**Summary of the voicemails:**
Sam said I make small issues big, that asking for boundaries is wrong, that he felt the friendship had been a “waste,” that he didn’t want to see me at school, and that other friends were more “real” because they take things lightly unless it’s very serious. He also defended his absence and said I was overreacting.
This situation affected me emotionally, and a few days later I reached out for support from a trusted older friend who is also a counselor. She stayed with me late at night and helped me calm down and think clearly.
Let me know if you’d like to read the actual voicemails.
So… **AITA for asking for space and reacting the way I did?**
NTA he doesn’t seem to care much about you. I’d ditch him as a friend
Thanks for your perspective
NTA, don’t worry yourself too much about this, you’re very young and you’re going to have better friends in the future
Thank you <3
You can choose not to be friends with someone for any reason you’d like. There’s no right or wrong is choosing who you’re friends with
He didn’t show up for an event he committed to, didn’t warn you, and lied about the reason for his absence. He’s acting like you’re too sensitive, but seems like that’s just code for I want to be giant AH with no repercussions. I doubt his family decided to travel last minute. He could have told you. NTA
YTA. Going through Jay’s voicemails was incredibly inappropriate and forwarding them to yourself to use as evidence later makes it worse. I do think you were overreacting.
NTA. He’s a liar and is punishing you for calling him out. He has some growing up to do.
NTA, he clearly is just upset at you that he got caught. Honestly, I would just say try to get yourself away from him and his friends who side with him because you don’t need this extra stress in high school. Maybe down the line if you see change in him and he’s able to take responsibility, you could reconnect the friendship, but if not, trust me, his friendship isn’t worth it. Although I will say that you are a little at fault for using Jay’s phone to send yourself the voicemails; that does betray his trust.