So we live in a small apartment. I \[24f\] still live with my parents because rent right now is atrocious. In order to try and save space for the apartment, instead of opting for a gigantic couch, we decided to go with two recliners instead.
Theres three of us, me, my dad\[57M\] and my mom \[51F\]. The reason why we have two chairs instead of THREE is because my mom has a crafting desk in the living room, and thats where she normally sits when we’re all in the living room. Theres also another computer chair to sit in as well for if we have guests.
My recliner was partially a gift. I paid for half of it, and my parents paid for the other half. I sit in it every. single. day. We all agreed that its **my** recliner. The other one, which is bigger and more comfy, is what we agree is my "dads."
However, when my dad is laying down, or hes at work, my mom likes to sit in it sometimes as it is comfy. Shes more than happy to get up and go to her desk if he wants to sit.
Heres where the issue comes in. If my mom’s sitting in HIS chair, and im not around, he won’t even ask for his chair back. He’ll just sit in mine. Which will be fine… until I come around, and I want it back. We’ve had a few incidents where I’ll have to be assertive and ask for it and he’ll grumble a little.
This morning though, I was getting ready for work. I got up for no less than three minutes, and before hand, I was using my laptop. I always close my laptop when im done with it, but since it was a few minutes and I knew I was coming back, I left it open. I left the open laptop on the chair.
I do my thing, I come back, and he’s pushed my laptop to the side and sat in the chair, I said "You really can’t take a hint, can you." He got mad and stormed to his room.
I feel that maybe I should have been a little more polite. I know this is petty and childish, but im working on being more assertive in the new year, and in the past I would have simply gone to my room and let him have the chair, but if I start doing that, he’ll start to get into the mindset that the chair is both of ours.. which technically it is.. since we each paid half.. but we have not had that discussion.
AITA?
Here’s a discussion question for us today. Are snide and assertive the same thing? I don’t think so, and based on that, YTA. It’s mild. It’s not even mild salsa, it’s just tomato paste, but it’s there.
There were other ways to communicate this that would have been assertive without being snide? Yes, 100%. Just a change in word choice would have been more effective. “Hey dad, I’m still working there.” You’re being assertive, but you’re also being civil.
We’re not going to call your dad the A-hole here for leaving your mother in the comfortable chair and nicking your chair given the opportunity. It’s obvious he was dumb moving the laptop, but it’s also considerate of your mother. Hardly A-holery, just dumb.
Also for discussion, and just to make sure this gets said: having examined the recliner versus sofa versus loveseat+chair situation multiple times for my own spaces, I am going to call bullshit on recliners being the best option here. You’ve chosen recliners because you wanted recliners. They are not the most effective use of your space, and the idea that your mother gets relegated to a chair at her craft table while you are living in her home to avoid paying rent you don’t want to afford is astounding, and the biggest bit of A-holery in this whole situation (although not the case before us).
INFO: When you say “My recliner was partially a gift. I paid for half of it, and my parents paid for the other half. I sit in it every. single. day. We all agreed that it’s my recliner.” Did they gift it to you? Or did they say we want to buy furniture for the house can you contribute? Was there an actual conversation where it was said this will be yours or was it more of a sure you can use it as you want…
what an entitled, childish behavior.. yes, YTA. work harder on that assertive communication
Please figure out a third recliner for your mom.
Right? Poor mom…
Info: Do you pay rent? If you do, is it fair market value? You say you paid for 1/2 a chair – but you think that means you have 100% ownership? In my family, the parents would have priority, out of respect, no matter who paid for the chair. The same way your dad doesn’t ask your mom to move when there’s anoyher place to sit available, out of respect and love for her. You may be asserting yourself into your own appartment.
YTA.
YTA.
it isn’t about what you say it’s about how you say it.
you didnt have to be snide you could have just said “hey dad can i have my chair? im still using it”.
YTA . Shared spaces are SHARED.
You’ve got to be more courteous of others when you live with other people. Especially if it’s out of necessity. If you don’t like it get your own place.
Mean to your dad over a chair is mind boggling.
Also, you and your dad are AH for not getting your mom a chair. Smh. “More than happy” is probably just your mom noticing you are bothered by her or your dad using the living room set that you paid a quarter for.
If you have enough time in the day to claim a chair but not enough money to get your own place you need another job or more friends. Get outside !!
Yta
That ain’t your house, you don’t pay no rent. So tf you mean being assertive? You can be as assertive as you want in YOUR own apartment. You say that you paid half of it, so did your parents. Quit being childish.
ESH for getting 2 seats for 3 people!
And why is it at age 24 you can’t sit on the floor or on a cushion or beanbag? When you’re in your 50s you will understand the value of a decent chair
YTA.
Sorry, but in a communal area where each piece of furniture takes up space, there is no ‘your’ anything. You paid for half of the recliner…they paid the other half, and for the entire apartment. If the lack of comfortable seating bothers you, buy a bean bag to sit on, don’t be 24 years old and haranging your parents to sit in uncomfortable seats.
YTA
1. For buying 2 chairs for 3 people. “But there is also the crafting desk” then if the recliners are occupied, sit in the crafting desk chair. If it is good enough for your mom it should be good enough for you
2. Why are the only two options one “gigantic” couch or two recliners? Why isn’t a two person love seat an option? Or even a normal sized couch. If there is room for two recliners, plus a desk, plus a computer chair I think there is enough room for at the very least a loveseat/small sofa
3. You are 3 grown adults arguing like children. Assuming everyone contributes to rent and living costs you should be able to come up with a solution that works for everyone. If you aren’t paying any rent, then you are definitely TA