Hi everyone!
So my husband and I are planning a trip to California with 2 other couples who we are very close with. We are planning to stay a couple nights in a couple different cities, with Palm Springs being the city in the question.
The basic issue is that my husband and I are very interested in checking out a nudist / swingers resort instead of staying with the other 2 couples. This would likely be just 1 or 2 nights of the total 7 of the trip.
When we brought up the idea (not the full details) of possibly going our own way for a night or 2 there was significant pushback from the other couples. Since we don’t want to tell them exactly our reasoning we feel stuck in what we should do.
Would we be assholes for doing our own thing for a night since we are planning the trip with other couples? Should we just suck it up? Leaning towards just keeping the peace, but it’s something we really want to try and it doesn’t feel like an unreasonable ask.
just save the swinging for another time when it’s just you and your husband. i’d say NAH unless you push to do your own thing when the rest of your party would prefer you not to
NTA. “We will be taking a few days to ourselves to focus on our marriage. We will rejoin you on ___.”
They aren’t your spouse or parents, and you do not owe them an explanation or justification. Just do your thing.
Can you stay one extra night after they leave?
It wouldn’t bother me if my friends did but still I understand their frustration. Maybe explain you all want to do a romantic night alone. NTA
Either way it sounds like you’re going to be sucking something up.
Slight YTA. Do those 7 days include travel days? Because being gone for 2 nights (and part of 3 days) is a significant part of a 7-day trip. This trip was planned for the group to spend time together, and you’re being weird by not telling them why you want to go off on your own.
Have you tried sharing the reason with them? Maybe you won’t even have to go out….
Why did they give you pushback? Is it because they’re just excited to spend time with you? Are you still paying your share for those days or is it costing them money for you to not be there? I would ask them to be clear about what their hesitation is.
I’m leaning to NAH because I think on a 7 day trip I’d probably want alone time (maybe not to go to swingers’ resort, but just in general), but I can also see others being really excited for the group element and wanting to spend time together – plus splitting costs is often a huge factor in a group trip.
Of course YTA. You plan a group trip with friends and now you want to ghost them for one or two days and don’t tell them the reason. Considering two days are for travel to and from the destination that leaves five days left with your friends, but you wanted to ghost them for two days. How selfish can you get?
If you want to go on a swingers vacation go on a swingers vacation alone.
I think it’s a group trip and you should go along with the crowd. Take your swingers trip some other time.
Light YTA – Just extend your trip by 2 days on one side or the other.
YTA why bother planning a while trip with people you won’t spend time with? It is a waste of time and effort on their part. Start a couple days before or end after or go separately if you want to do your own thing.
INFO: I think it really depends on why they are pushing back. If it’s simply because they want to be attached at the hip for all 7 days, I think it’s reasonable to simply tell them you’d like to do something alone while out there.
However if they are pushing back because this overcomplicates splitting the cost of the trip, I think they’re concern is very reasonable. Taking the total lodging and dividing it by three couples is very easy. But if suddenly two couples are responsible for the entirety of lodging for two of the nights, it becomes not only complicated to calculate, but also might stretch someone’s budget unfairly verse what they originally expected.
YTA. You can’t use a trip planned with friends as an excuse to explore something those friends are not a part of. It would be different if this was how your trips usually worked, but since that is not mentioned here, we can assume it’s not.
Stick with your group here, and if you want to check out the swingers resort, do it on your own, and not when you’ve made plans with friends whom you are not inviting to go to the swingers resort with you.
Soft YTA. It’s a group trip. Excluding most of the group to go on your own side quest for 30% of the trip is a bit of an AH move. Invite them along – you never know what people are secretly into – or commit to the spirit of a group trip and either stay with the group or extend your trip by a couple of days.