I (15f) am having my 16th birthday in April. Since my mother and I live only a few hours from Cedar Point we’re planning to go there in May when it opens as a late birthday party (we would go somewhere else, but I’ve never been on a Rollercoaster and I wanted to try going on one). I have 3 friends that I want to invite, and me and my mom calculated that since Cedar Point passes are around 50 dollars it would be around 250 dollars for me, my mom and all of my friends to go. We definitely do NOT usually have that type of money, but my mom was really determined to make it happen.
We came up with the plan that I would ask each of my friends for their 50 dollars so that it would be a bit easier, and she even said we could still try to pay for them if they couldn’t. So I was really excited, put all my friends in a group chat and told them the plan (i want to be prepared even though it’s in a few months). One of my friends said she would send me the money in a few days when her dad got paid, and another said she’d bring my mom the money when she came to my house today (she did). Well, the third friend that I invited didn’t respond until today, after the second friend left. She asked why she needed to pay to come to my birthday and I told her that we didn’t even have much money usually and that this was literally a luxury for us.
She said she probably couldn’t and I said that would most likely be okay since the other two did. But that wasn’t good enough and she went on by saying, "I mean, I could, but I wouldn’t be getting you a present." I was confused on why we were still talking about this and just said that was fine and that I didn’t expect a present. She said, "so you don’t expect a present but you expect me to pay to spend time with you?" I was VERY confused now and said that no one was paying to spend time with me, they were paying to go to Cedar Point.
My other two friends started texting as well at this point, both jokingly making fun of the third friend. It was very light teasing, which is normal in our friend group, but she got mad. She said that she didn’t wanna come to my birthday if I was going to be so materialistic, and especially not if the other people there were just going to make fun of her. Honestly I was really confused and asked if she was okay or if something was going on. She texted back, "better now that I’m doing this" and left the group chat and blocked all of us.
Honestly this was kind of funny to me only because she sounded so edgy and serious over something that could’ve easily been talked out. But now I’m thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have planned the party in the first place if I couldn’t afford to pay for everyone. AITA?
This is a hard one.
As an adult, it would be perfectly normal for me to ask my friends to pay their own way for something like this.
But when you’re younger, you usually don’t ask for someone to pay to come to your birthday party. However, a big ticket is a little bit different than a regular party activity. Normally a “we all pay our own way” kind of outing is done for fun, not a birthday.
I suspect your friend is upset because she knows she won’t be able to afford it, and she is jealous that the others can. I would try talking to her in person and asking what’s going on, to see if you can get more information.
I definitely will and thank you for being so nice abt it! I’m going to talk to her at school next week and let her know that it’s probably going to be ok if she can’t pay. I’m not even mad just a little worried because my friend is usually really nice
Don’t invite friends, if you can’t afford to pay. Very rude.
Not true, it depends on how it’s communicated, your relationship with them, your financial situation etc.
I would argue you can’t expect people to come if they have to pay, and you can’t get upset if people can’t /won’t come
You may be too inexperienced to realize this, but for most people it is understood that when you host a party or celebration, you cover the costs. I’m guessing that her parents balked at the idea of her paying $50 to go. And your other friends’ “light teasing” was just wrong. No wonder she blocked you all. I also wonder if you realize that refreshments at places like Cedar Point are very expensive.
Actually genuinely thank you for bringing that up, I should have mentioned in my post (yes, I told my friends this) I am planning to pay for any food, drinks or anything during the trip.
She said they were paying to go to Cedar Point. What if they don’t want to go to Cedar Point?
YTA
Generally bad form to ask someone to pay to come to your birthday party. Or any celebration you’re hosting. Honestly, your mom should know better.
Had you all decided to go there for a trip, yea, each should pay their own way. But that’s a different situation than what you’re creating.
It’s all about how it’s communicated tbh
NTA. If they don’t want to pay, they don’t have to come. If you paid for her, it wouldn’t be fair to the other two.
NTA, but you could’ve communicated better. Instead of just sending your friends the plan and essentially being like “this is what’s happening”, you could have asked them if the plan sounded okay to them and their parents.
This is a common occurrence with bachelorette trips. The bride/moh will send the plan and price to the rest of the bridesmaids and not ask anyone what days work best, is this affordable for everyone, or does this plan sound fun to everyone. If a bridesmaid can’t afford it, she may get uncomfortable and feel really bad because she loves the bride, but doesn’t want to let her down.
Ultimately, it’s your birthday and you have to decide what’s more important to you: spending time with friends or riding roller coasters. There’s no right or wrong answer, but you have to understand each choice comes with compromise. If you do something cheaper/free, you can hang out with all your friends. If you choose Cedar Point, you have to accept maybe not everyone can make it because of money.
>no one was laying to spend time with me, they were paying to go to Cedar Point
Exactly.
It’s rude to ask guests to pay for a party, but that’s not what’s happening here. You’re not asking them to cover the cost of a venue rental or your birthday cake – you’re literally just telling them that you’re going to Cedar Point for your birthday, and if they want to come, they will need to cover their own ticket price.
NTA
Unfortunately, YTA in this situation. It’s a rule of etiquette that guests should never pay.
This means it’s OK to ASK friends if they’d like to go to Cedar Point and each pay their own way. But it’s not OK if the reason for everyone to go to Cedar Point is that you want to have a birthday party or graduation there. This is why many people tend to celebrate birthdays at home instead of going to a restaurant. It costs a lot more at a restaurant to pay for everyone’s food.
I understand it’s hard. It would be nice to go to Cedar Point. At the same time, we always want to spend more on our own events than our guests do. Remember that guests have to find money for their own events as well as ours.
Anyway, I would find a way to get in touch with this friend. Apologize for putting her on the spot. If you can, offer to pay for her. Tell her you’d miss her if she didn’t come.
Try to understand why she was edgy. My father was an alcoholic who didn’t work. When I was your age, I stressed constantly about how to afford to do things other kids could do. It’s a really hard situation to be in. To be clear, you are not a bad person. This is one of those things we learn as we go through life! Happy Birthday!