I’m 23 and still live with my mom. I work full-time, pay my own bills, and cover most of the groceries I use. I’m not freeloading, and I contribute to the household.
I’m fully aware that it’s her house and that she has every right to have whoever she wants over whenever she wants. I’m not trying to control her dating life or tell her what she can or can’t do.
That said, I find it really odd that she refuses to give me a simple heads-up. I’ve told her countless times that if she wants a man to come over, that’s completely fine. I just don’t want to be in the house while it’s happening. If I know ahead of time, I’ll leave or make other plans.
Instead, she says she’ll “just sneak them in” and that I wouldn’t even notice. This has become a recurring argument between us.
For me, this is about boundaries, not control. I don’t want to know or be home while my mother is having sex in the house. Especially knowing that some of these men are married with families at home, it makes me sick.
She says I’m being dramatic and that if I don’t like it, I should move out. I feel like there should be some mutual respect here. Then she throws in my face that all her friends and family are on her side, it’s her house, she can do what she wants.
All I want is to respected enough to be given the opportunity to leave and not hear or know about her sex life.
NTA for asking but you would be the AH for pushing her further on it.
Regardless of her proclivities, basically
>it’s her house and that she has every right to have whoever she wants over whenever she wants
and if you don’t like it, then look to move out ASAP.
So, I definitely don’t think you’re asking too much. NTA. HOWEVER, as much as your mom should respect you enough to give you a heads up, she is clearly choosing not to. And she’s right. It is her house and she can do (or not do) whatever she wants. You can be right and you can be justified but it doesn’t give you any say over what she chooses to do with that. If she refuses to give you a heads up, your only options are to suck it up or move out.
I don’t think your an asshole. But moms clearly telling you if you want boundaries. Get out. She’s not hiding it.
The fact that she is having sex with married man would be enough to make me move out and never talk to her about this part of her life anymore.
I would be so disgusted with her…
I agree and wish i could. I’m trying but it’s so hard saving up and finding a place on my own without putting myself in debt. But I know I should.
NTA. Did any of you commenters actually read the post? They’re not saying they don’t want her to have guys over or are asking her not to so idk why people are like “it’s her house she can do what she wants” when OP already acknowledged that. Simply asking for a heads up so they can make plans to keep busy isn’t some unreasonable demand and it doesn’t hinder on the mother’s social life.
Also why are we overlooking “some of these men are married with families at home”. HUH? It’s her own business but that’s wild.
I’m feeling so conflicted reading these comments. I am well aware it’s her house. I’m well aware she can do what she wants- she’s made this very clear. But I don’t see how me wanting a heads up or basic communication is wrong. I wouldn’t want my child in my home while I’m having sex, but I understand that’s my beliefs.
And yes. She has a history of this, it’s absolutely disgusting. She seems to think it’s not a problem tho. I’m very vocal about how wrong it is.
You already said in the beginning of your post that it’s her house and she has every right to do what she wants so all these people screeching “it’s her house she can do what she wants!” are just repeating your own words lol. Wanting a heads up is perfectly reasonable idk why anyone’s acting like it’s some great hindrance for your mother to drop a “friend’s coming over in an hour btw” text.
No they didnt. They got to the part of her wanting a warning and started typing.
NTA. While it may be “her house”, when adults are sharing a residence, whether they are roommates, adult children and parents, etc., there is still such a thing as common politeness and consideration. It sounds like your mother has some serious maturity issues, in addition to moral ones.
But, ultimately, if she refuses to try to compromise, your only realistic option is to move out.
I suppose you could try playing loud music, knocking on the door and asking if they want snacks, or other minor disruptions, but that would probably make things worse.
THIS!
I don’t care if she wants to have sex, I care that she is so ok with me being in earshot. I find it very weird.
I say NTA. You’re not being judgemental, you just don’t want the ick! 😂
If I were in your situation, I’d bring a guy home, even just a friend, and make over the top loud noise. It’ll likely be a talking point the next day where you can point out you feel the same way she does when she brings a guy home.
Plenty of roommates have the common courtesy to give the other a heads up, I don’t think you’re asking much for the same. I would probably make serious plans to move out fairly quickly though! 😂
ew your mom sounds gross. NTA lol
NTA — since you’re living there as two adults with you paying your way, it seems disrespectful that she’s not giving you a heads up, especially when you’ve asked. If she’s doing this to get you to move out, that’s immature. If she wants you to move out, she should simply communicate that. They are two separate issues.