I (M21) have a step-sister (Step-Fathers daughter) (F21) , who we’ll call C, and we’ve never really been close but she is still a great sibling. This isn’t about her, however.
Since I was in high school I would be slower on the uptake with certain things, I did sports, worked since sophomore year, and tried to do good at home. My sister would stay with us for the summer mainly, but go home for the school years, her and her mom and her step dad lived a few towns over.
When I started slipping in grades, I was constantly reminded of “Look what C has done, she’s getting a scholarship!” Or “Why is C doing more than you about her education” even though I was trying my best and got a 3.6 GPA at the end of high school.
C didn’t even have a job until she was 19, but that didn’t stop my parents from praising her when I was struggling.
When I turned 18, and C turned 18 (we’re a few months apart) I went the route of community college and C got a full ride scholarship to a university. Immediately that year I was reminded of how I could’ve done better in school to get there, and I’ll have to settle for an associates (mind you my dad doesn’t have a degree, and my mom has an associates). I took a job as a supervisor at a retail store and C was starting her career shadowing. Again, I was asked why I don’t start my career.
In 2024, is when I started to get really heated towards my parents. My mom and I had a huge argument and she gave me 30 days to move out, at this point I was doing well or so I thought, and moved out quickly. My dad/stepdad reminded me “Why do you have to play games, C is almost done with school and you’re going to have to live on your own”
Then, as time went on last year, with me out of the house, C was invited to things I wasn’t. My mom became way closer with her, and barely talked to me. When she talked to me she would say “C did this this and this, how come you stay the same?” Whereas I was on my own for 10 months at that point and had no issues and was enjoying life.
Fast forward to this year, I lost my job and had to move back in with my parents in August, I tried my best to find a new job but it didn’t work out. I didn’t hear the usual comparing to C when I moved back in originally, but it was on Thanksgiving when my mom was talking to C as she was over, and reccomended C give me pointers for how “to have a better life”
I ended up blowing up on my mom and my dad, who agreed with each other, and spent the rest of the holiday in my room. My parents were pissed, as they usually were when I did something.
Then my mom told me a week later that I was ridiculous for how I acted and I am a “loser” that should take advice and learn a thing or two from C. She told me based on how I’ve acted and the fact that I couldn’t respect what they thought that she didn’t want to speak to me, and it’s been 8 days since they’ve said a word to me.
AITAH for blowing up on them for this?
NTA. Your family treats you badly. You’re working hard to build a life for yourself, and you’ll succeed. Things have gone C’s way so far; who know what the future will bring for her? But either way, the mistake would be to compare yourself to her, as your parents try to make you do. That’s not how life works. If you can stand to go no-contact with your hateful relatives, do. Hang in there, and best of luck to you!
Why do you have to work during HS and why did you choose community college over university?
Did you read the post? She got a full ride, and I don’t have 110k to drop on school. And my parents made me work?
I was once asked by my mother why I couldn’t be more like my sister in law. My reply was because I’m not my sister in law. She never said it again.
My mother apparently wanted me to be a loud mouthed bully who only married my stepbrother, so they all had the same surname and lied to try and get housing help.
My sister in law unfortunately died from cancer, I never liked her but wouldn’t wish that on anyone and my mother has been dead for 11 years.
My life is infinitely more peaceful.
I’d tell your parents C had it easy because she had parents who love and support her.
NTA, but your parents are for constantly comparing you to her. Let them know your are not C’s clone, and you are doing your best. If they won’t stop with the comparisons, ask them if they’d like you to compare them to other parents who do have university degrees since comparisons the rule of the house?
NTA, sounds like you got the better end of the deal, your not hearing about word from them and your still living your life. If you could be so kind as to answer 1 question, why in the hell do you care what your mom or stepfather thinks of you? You just need to move out and move forward, leave the negative people behind.
NTA. It isn’t right to compare two people who are totally opposite. Opposite doesn’t mean bad. Your brains are wired differently. You’ll have completely different experiences, failures, and successes. You’ll have different ways of reaching your goals and passions.
I have two kids, one who struggles in school and one who breezes through. I get school just isn’t the one’s jam. Instead they decided to do a part time job. They learned to drive. They are planning on community college. We 100% support their plans because they are their own person.
NTA – comparing and competing is such an unhealthy thing to instill into kids. Op, you and your step sister come from two very different structures, along with advantages/disadvantages, that there is no rationality in comparing. Why your parents act on such unnecessary behavior is a mystery, that I hope instead of trying to figure out, you focus on you.
That starts with a healthy enviroment. Do you have a job at the moment? Would you ever be okay living with a roommate?
Organize your finances. Work, study, take a class, find a new hobby, swim, to stay out of the house as much as possible.
Reevaluate these relationships when youre in a better position. Right now the goal is to get out. You can do it. This isnt about your parents, your step sister, this is about you and what you’ll achieve.
NTA
Your mother is a true loser, and utterly pathetic. Let me tell you why.
I think she hates that you are not as successful as your step sibling. She wants a successful child to brag about and to feel good about herself because that is how much she hates herself, so she tries to make you more like your stepsister to make herself feel better. She probably doesn’t like that her only child isn’t doing as well as she wants, so she tries to pressure you into being like your stepsister.
But she is too stupid to see that is not how it works.
She thinks she is improving you but there is no improvement needed.
You are doing fine. The problem is… that is not good enough for them.
BUT that is not your fault.
IT IS ALL THEIRS.
Your mother is just sad. He wants a child to be proud of, and you are not what she had in mind, so she is proud of her-The closest thing to a daughter she will ever hope to have.
If she truly loved you, she would never compare you to your stepsister, and she would actually go out of her way to bust her elderly ass to get to know you as a person.
BUT SHE WON’T. SHE CHOOSES NOT TO.
And that is her fault, not yours.
She needs to get a reality check, and realize life is not perfect.
And next time she talks like that, just tell her
“Oh my god, can you please stop?”
and then she will say
“Stop what?”
and then you say:
“Stop comparing me to my stepsister. I am tired of it.”
If that don’t work, show her this reddit post.
And we’ll be sure to share our honest opinions. Heh…
Your mom shouldn’t have called you a “loser.” That’s quite mean and unfair. I don’t think parents should ever say that to a kid
NTA. This kind of comparison hurts both the paragon and the person who isn’t living up to the paragon’s standards because it doesn’t recognise either as individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses. Your mother doesn’t see C as a person, she sees C as a standard and you as someone who isn’t living up to it.
Did your mother ever see if there was something else that affected you in order to try address your school performance, or did she just see someone who wasn’t the stepdaughter she can’t stop bringing up?
NTA. Your family is toxic. Success is the best revenge. Live your best life.