I live with my roommate and she is also one of my best friends. Lately though I’ve been feeling like things are a bit one sided.
If something small goes wrong for her it tends to become a big situation. For example one time her food order had a tiny mistake and she got really upset and I ended up going back out to get her a new meal. When she’s sick I’ll go get her medicine, bring her food, clean up dishes, sit with her, things like that. Sometimes I’ve even had to run back out again if she forgot something.
But when I ask for small things or compromises it feels like my needs are kind of brushed off. The other day we were sitting in the living room and the sun was shining directly into my eyes. I asked if I could shut the blinds a little and she said no because she liked the light and told me I could move if it bothered me.
Later we were driving somewhere and I had the air on. She just reached over and turned it off and said it was bugging her. Then when we were literally about two minutes away from the place she wanted to go she got a call that her brother and his girlfriend were coming over and asked me to turn around and drive her back home.
Another thing that has been bothering me is scented wax melts she likes to use. My dog has cancer and I also survived cancer not that long ago and strong scents irritate both of us. I’ve never told her she can’t use them. I just asked that if she is going to use them in the shared space that she open a window and give me a heads up so I can take my dog somewhere else for the day if needed. She can do whatever she wants in her own room.
For context I have a golden retriever and he is 100 percent my dog and my responsibility of course. I almost never ask for help with him unless it is some kind of rare emergency like being stuck at work late. Even then if she can’t help I just say no worries and handle it.
Recently I got really sick with the flu and asked if she could take him out once later in the day. When I asked she rolled her eyes, made a face, and said “I just woke up from a nap not too long ago but ok.”
It just made me feel like asking for that one small favor was a big inconvenience.
So AITA for asking her to take my dog out when I was sick?
Nta. I think you living together will ruin your friendship if it haven’t already.
Your roommate/friend certainly sounds like she takes more than she gives, but she can’t take what you’re not giving her. Did you give in in the scenarios you mentioned? Did you drive her home? Let her burn the candles in the shared space? If you’re always giving in, someone who isn’t vey nice — and it sounds like she isn’t— isn’t going to change their behavior.
I’m not sure you’re actually asking about the dog. Sounds like you’re asking about how to handle living with this roommate. If you want things to change, you either need to develop a backbone and stand up for yourself, or you need a new living situation.
Curious if this friend treats everyone the way she treats you. Because if she’s not this self-centered with everyone, there may be hope she’ll change if you stop letting her be self-centered with you.
You’re NTA, but I think you are overestimating the relationship between the two of you at least in her perception of it. Stop going out of your way to help her and just silently accepting behavior of hers that inconveniences you. Treat her like you would any roommate who was just an acquaintance. You will likely be much happier in the long run that way.