I (19F) live in a suite with four other girls in the freshman dorms at school. We were all randomly assigned to live together at the start of the year, since freshman can’t pick their roommates, and I’ve had to deal with them for several months now.
One girl is depressed and doesn’t leave her room, so she’s not a problem, but I don’t like the other three at all. They act like a cliquey mean girl squad since they’re all the same ethnicity.
One of the girls, Lauren, is a clean freak and tried to force a ”chore chart” on everyone at the start of the year. Basically, trying to set up a cleaning schedule for laundry, trash, vacuuming, dishes. I made it clear that I was not interested in that. I use a laundry service, so I don’t share a laundry bag with them. I have my own trash can in my room, so I am not going to take out the trash from their communal trash can in the common room, which I don’t use. I don’t know why dishes even came up, since we live in dorms and there’s no kitchen and everyone is required to be on the meal plan. But they somehow still find a way to use dishes. That’s fine, but I exclusively eat out or in the dining hall, so I have no part in cleaning their dishes. As for vacuuming, that is unnecessary, but they are free to go borrow a vacuum from the housing office whenever they want.
So I made it clear from the start, they can do whatever they want. Just don’t try to include me. Lauren is passive-aggressive and I heard her bitching about me through the wall to the other two when I was “sleeping.” Saying I don’t “pull my weight“ or take out the trash or vacuum. Again, I don’t use their trash can, and unless someone literally knocks over a bag of popcorn, there is nothing to vacuum.
This is not the first time we’ve had problems. Last week, the three ambushed me and asked to “take over” my desk in the common room (we are each rationed one desk), since I never use mine. They want to make it into a coffee bar and they said my messy desk looks “unaesthetic” to their friends (all their ethnicity, because god forbid they have to speak to someone of another race).
I said no, of course they can’t use my desk. They have their own. And my desk can look as messy as I want because it’s mine.
Back to the present, I heard her talking shit about me through the wall. I said to her later that my good friend also has control issues and OCD tendencies, so I can recommend a campus therapist if she wants, and once she learns to control all that angst, she can use that energy to secure a summer internship. I already have an internship since I don’t waste time crying about cleaning. (She said before that I would not get an internship).
So she went to the RA to complain about me being mean to her. I told the RA everything. That they tried to steal my desk and make me clean up after them, even though I use the laundry service, have my own trash can, and don’t use dishes.
ESH. You’re right about laundry and dishes, which are individual responsibilities. You’re being ridiculous about vacuuming. Of course the floors need to be vacuumed or swept periodically. Dust, hair, dead skin, etc etc build up regardless of anyone spilling popcorn. They’re right that you’re not pulling your weight. They are wrong to try to steal your desk.
Dust, dirt, crumbs etc.
Except they didn’t try to steal it, they asked if they could use it since OP does not and just leaves a mess on it.
YTA**.** You don’t get a pass on vacuuming just because you think the floor is “clean enough.” Dust and hair exist. You live there; you help clean. That’s Roommate 101.
YTA
Vacuuming is necessary regardless of spills and you are automatically assuming they don’t like you because of the different ethnicity. Maybe it’s because this post makes you sound entirely standoffish and insufferable as a roommate.
When you live in shared housing, you are expected to help out in the common areas. Your own space is yours do with as you please, but common areas are for everyone. A chore chart is actually helpful if it’s divided up evenly or among who prefers to do what. You don’t get to “live alone” in shared housing which is what it seems like you want.
Part of living in a dorm is learning to get along with others. Your argument on the trash can might be valid but you should definitely be keeping your shared spaces tidy, and yes your floor ABSOLUTELY needs vacuuming.
Pull your weight, tidy up the desk you never use, be a little less obtuse and you might find you get along better. I see no evidence for them being mean but a lot for you being difficult to live with!
YTA.
ESH, while you obviously don’t have to do dishes or take the trash out, your attitude towards cleanliness sounds very questionable. Of course the floors need to be vacuumed and it literally takes 5 minutes. You sound like you already started judging them based on their race, which you bring up as a reason for everything?? They’re not right to steal your desk, but it sounds like your space is REALLY messy, and while living with other people, you have got to participate in keeping your space decently clean, or else it’s gross for other people as well.
You should help with vacuuming at least, it does seem like most of your animosity comes from them all being the same ethnicity.
I’d say it’s ESH. Floors and carpets DO need to be vacuumed but trying to commandeer her desk is wrong
Vacuuming needs to happen even if nobody spilled popcorn. Taking out the trash occasionally wouldn’t kill you, and both chores are a reasonable nod to group living. You don’t have to be bestest buddies, but a little community participation won’t hurt.
You absolutely need to vacuum! We shed skin and hair every single day, just for starters. Crumbs from snacks, dirt from shoes, etc.
Common room space is shared space and if your section is impacting how others use it, then that is not fair. If you can’t keep your desk space in the common room tidy, buy some storage boxes or something to keep your mess contained and reduce the impact on others. I would be very stressed trying to work in a dirty unorganised messy space.
This is (likely) the first time they (and you) have lived out of home, and they want it to be nice. That’s understandable. This is a big deal!
You don’t have to get into their ✨ aesthetic vibes ✨ but you do have to be respectful.
I sense some level of xenophobia or racism or something coming through about their race. Why is that relevant?
They may be mean girls but nothing you have shared here really indicates that.
You don’t need to take out a shared bin if you never use it, but would it hurt you do it once a week? Pick it up when you take your bag of rubbish to the bins.
If you do not use any dishes, then you can say you do not want to be included in the dishes chore chart. That’s fair.
Based on what you’ve written, YTA
YTA. You sound like a hot mess of nasty. Vacuuming is necessary. Dusting, cleaning the bathroom (I Guess you don’t shit, shower, or piss) is necessary. I don’t understand why you don’t want to cooperate with your roommates, but you need to change your complaining ways.
YTA – and honestly sound insufferably stuck up. And perhaps racist. Creating a chore chart actually sounds like she was trying to include everybody and cutoff issues before they begin.
YTA.
If you walk through the common area you track in dirt and you should be taking a turn at vacuuming. The rest of it… okay.
The desk thing…if everyone is saying it’s messy and not just one person, it’s probably better to just neaten things up a bit. It doesn’t take much to get a cheap pencil holder, stack your books, wipe the dust off with a Lysol wipe and toss and put away old papers.
The comment about their ethnicity and their friends being the same ethnicity just makes you sound ignorant. Do better. I had a roommate from China my junior year of college and all of her friends were Chinese because they missed home and the food and the language and the holidays. It took absolutely nothing to be polite to them and in return, she was polite when I had friends visiting. You honestly sound like the issue in your roommate situation.