I (21F) and my boyfriend (22M) are just leaving a new Japanese restaurant that prides itself on being one of the most authentic restaurants in the city. They mention how all the plates, cups, bowls etc are imported from Japan and even are a no tipping establishment to keep things authentic to Japan.
We have become regulars here and frequently talk with the owner (I will note that there’s a large language barrier, his english is pretty broken but we still can communicate okay). He talks about the restaurants he owned in Japan, the culture there and how he wanted to bring that to America. He even gave me a free tote bag and pen, and told my bf tonight that he will get him a shirt. Even giving us free food for us to try. It’s been a great experience and we love going there to eat. Sorry for all the back story, I just don’t want to leave anything out.
Anyways, when we were leaving the restaurant we passed the owner and he stopped us to say thank you. He also apologized again since we did find hair in our food, but he was quick to get a new portion. After he was finished, we said our byes and thank yous, but I also asked how I say “bye” in Japanese. He then paused and just said that he’s Thai. I was a bit confused since I thought he was from Japan since he always spoke about it but didn’t think to much of it. I then asked how do I say bye in Thai. He paused again and looked at the kitchen behind him (we were at a bar area), and most of the kitchen was staring at him then at me. He then said that they just say bye, I was confused and very embarrassed since I felt like I overstepped. But the more I think about it and talk to my bf I feel like I wasn’t being offensive for asking that.
Idk if it matters but I am latin and speak spanish. I’ve had people ask me these questions and never took offense. But ik that’s just me and other people are different. I’m just really confused and embarrassed leaving that situation. Maybe he misunderstood me because of the language barrier and looked to the kitchen for clarification or something? But I mean he understood that I was asking him how to say bye since he just said that he says bye.
Do I apologize when I go back? Was I even an asshole for asking?
NTA – fair assumption imo and wouldn’t worry about it. They probs will have a laugh about it behind closed doors and forget it. It doesn’t help bye in thai is quite literally the say, tho it’s ennunciated with their vowels n such. Just pop back and ask how to say hello instead as a joke. Gg
NTA – if the owner actually does own restaurants in Japan and is going so far as to teach you the culture, he should know one of the most basic words in the language.
Him living in japan makes a big difference. even as a not-japanese person, he might have learned a few words after living there? Hello, good bye, thank you, bathroom, etc.
honestly, I think bringing it up again would just be even more awkward than your initial mistake. I’d just keep on as you were.
EDIT: thinking about it, I think it’s more NAH than N T A
NTA. He understood you perfectly and, in my opinion, treated you rudely. If he has owned restaurants in Japan and makes a point of having all this Japanese stuff in the restauarant, I would think you could be forgiven for assuming he knows how to say “Bye” in Japanese, whatever his own ethnicity—but apparently he took offense at that. There are of course a lot of ways to say “goodbye” in Japanese and Thai, as in English: “bye bye” works in any of them (usually transliterated “bai bai” in the other languages, I think). No need to apologize, and certainly NTA for asking.
I think it’s entirely reasonable that you would assume – with all the backstory – that he is Japanese.
Taking a respectful interest in someone else’s culture and language is a good thing in my opinion. The question was entirely reasonable.
NTA
I don’t even think OP had to think we was japenese to ask that question. If someone ran an authentic japanese restaurant and often told me about their time in japan and how much they loved it, i would assume they knew how to say bye in the language. even if it was a white man in front of me.
Sayonara would be too formal ! Ja ne means bye and ja mata means see you later or again. Don’t overthink too much! The owner don’t speak much English like you said.
NAH.
This just sounds like a silly misunderstanding on all fronts. You’re not wrong for assuming the owner is Japanese based on context clues, and he’s not being snarky in his response at all (“bai bai” is an acceptable way to say goodbye in Thai and Japanese).
Genuine and fair question, especially if the restaurant prides itself on being authentic Japanese. You weren’t to know that the owner is actually Thai.
Goodbye in Japanese is ‘sayonara’. NTA and there’s no need to apologise for that – if someone is running an ‘authentic’ Japanese restaurant it’s not unreasonable for their customers to assume they have Japanese heritage.
NTA. He lived in Japan. He knows how to speak Japanese.
If this is in the US, I can understand how many immigrants might be sensitive right now.
Perchance he did not say he was thai, but said “bye” and so he was confused because you asked the same question?
NTA.
If this was some random man of Asian appearance in the street and you asked him how to say something in Japanese, then you’d be the AH. But this was a man who lived in Japan, enjoys Japanese culture and you were in his Japanese restaurant. It was not an unfair assumption to think he was either Japanese or at least would know how to say something simple like “bye” in Japanese.
This is what I thought too. Even if he was obviously not Japanese, or even if he wasn’t Asian at all, knowing he lived in Japan and owned businesses there i would assume he spoke Japanese. It has nothing to do with what he looks like.
I mean… even if he wasn’t originally Japanese, he literally owned and operated restaurants in Japan? So it’s reasonable to assume he spoke Japanese even as a second language