I’m 27 year old Male, and I was supposed to be Bruce’s best man. He is currently 25, marrying sometime this year. A short while ago, Bruce, Kevin, his brother, this guy Henry (I barely know him), and I started considering the idea of an overseas bachelor trip. The price? About $2,500 each. On our first conversation, we all somewhat shrugged and said, “Sure, that works,” but decided not to schedule anything yet. We decided to wait a few days. short period, let everyone think it over, then schedule a call.After three days, the group had the follow-up conversation. I missed it my basement in my house flooded that evening, so I was tied up working to protect my things and keep the water out. I sent Bruce a text, told him what was going on, and let him know to keep me informed on the outcome of their choice. While I’m still dealing with my flooded pumping water out of my basement, Bruce just goes ahead and makes the trip reservationthe trip. He covers all expenses, does not consult me, doesn’t obtain my consent absolutely nothing. None of us even had passports yet. Not a single person bothere to say the tickets were non-refundable. I didn’t approve a single thing. He called my family for my information to place in the reservation.
Bruce shares a message in the chat group, letting everyone know we gotta pay by March break. He already knew I was strapped for cash, well before I spelled out all the facts. After that things continued to spiral in my life. I’m self-employed as a house painter, and suddenly jobs started getting pushed back. My vehicle overheated it turns out I have to have a replacement radiator. I am still dealing with flood damage. The pace of work decreased, money decreased. After everything, I messaged Bruce and informed him I couldn’t manage the cost of the trip anymore and wanted to have a conversation. He demanded I call him right away, even though I was at work. He went to share it in the group chat, said he was “airing dirty laundry,” and essentially informed everyone I was backing out due to my financial. That’s when the group piled on and started roasting me for backing out. Ps. Bruce He said to me this trip was the single most important thing to him, end of story, regardless of what I was handling. His last message? If I truly cared for him “even a ball hair,” I’d phone him at once never mind my car, the flooding, or the reality that I’m struggling. I understand I should have said something sooner. But i also I did not consent to a non-refundable trip. I had a role in the first discussion not the second, plus I genuinely can’t afford it without completely ruining my situation.
Alright am I actually the bad guy for backing out of this bachelor party after everything?
NTA – Absolutly not! There should have been a confirmation from him before booking tickets! You were never informed of all of this and it has a huge impact on your finances.
I think its a huge red flag. Sounds like you found out who your friends are. Friends dont do something that can cause major issues for you and then use group pressure and shaming to cover up their own mistakes
NTA. I can’t imagine a best friend reacting that way if I was in your position, nor can I imagine a best friend booking a non-refundable trip in the first place, without discussing the cost and details with EVERYONE first.
I’m gonna go with EHS just because I think this whooooole situation could’ve been avoided had just one of you communicated like an adult form the beginning.
Bruce sucks more in my books for pushing through with no consideration for others. But if someone tells you “Hey let’s go do this”, it’s your responsibility to immediately tell them “No” if you can’t or don’t want to do it. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t really understand the whole idea of pretending to go along with it. Cause you’re just letting the other person sink deeper and deeper into their idea without them knowing that you’re not actually on board.
NTA they booked it without telling you? Also not going on an expensive trip while shit goes sour is pretty expected. Were they expecting you to conjure 2500 dollars?
NTA. Why on earth would he go ahead and book without iron-clad confirmation from the whole party, and make it nonrefundable at that?
Also, if this trip is the “single most important thing to him”, what about his wedding day?! Bet his intended loves hearing that!
He sounds like an absolute plank.
ESH and what the heck was your family thinking passing out your info like that!?! This wasn’t an emergency situation where they should have stepped in. It was completely inappropriate. Yes, you’re at fault for not addressing this sooner. You should have 100% addressed this after the initial emergency. Big a$$ “what did you book? I don’t have a passport”
NTA. Your ‘friends’ suck. The planning and booking of the non-refundable trip without you being involved is already wild but that can be fixed in a few different ways, but the way they all reacted afterwards is telling. Just know that if they act like this now they will probably act like this anytime you hit a rough patch. Also I can’t imagine telling an actual friend that my bachelor party is more important than their financial wellbeing and mental health.
I have to say NTAO. Although you originally thought travel might be a good idea, you never actually agreed. You did miss the call however your best friends could not wait until they made contact with you to book? They jumped the gun.
It is really sad that your friend Bruce is not mature enough to admit his mistake in all of this. I am cannot understand how Bruce is getting married when he is not acting like a man.
NTA. True friends won’t put you in financial ruin over their weddings. Bruce is TA.
Was the final cost considerably more than the tentatively agreed upon amount of $2,500.00?
ETA: ESH. He should have confirmed with you. However, you tentatively agreed to the price, and then didn’t participate with the discussion and told them to let you know what you decide. You made no mention of not being able to afford the amount discussed prior.
Wow, it’s…Groomzilla!
Seriously, why is he doing all the legwork for his own bachelor party?
He seriously overstepped by commiting everyone without their clear agreement.
If you can’t afford it, *you can’t afford it*…and that’s all there is to it.
You did nothing wrong.
NTA.
NTA. Decent friends would never do that. This is the real world, not a buddy buddy “The Hangover” style comedy. The fact that his wedding isnt more important to him is extremely telling. I would never even consider asking my friend to put themselves in debt for somwthing as frivolous as a bachelor party trip, and the fact that the other friends are piling on is also ridiculous. Are they frat guys that never matured past that? I know y’all are young, but they need to enter the real world. Jobs and bills and emergencies do not care “even a ball hair” about a bachelor party. I can’t even imagine the audacity this people must have to expect this from you.
NTA while you did originally agree to it on the first discussion, they should have not had the second discussion or booked anything without you. And never should have booked non-refundable tickets, that’s just foolish in general. Life happens, expenses happen, and a real friend wouldn’t shame you for it.
But how did they book international tickets without passport numbers?
ESH: You guys talked about a $2500 trip and on the day you were to finalize you couldn’t make it and said ‘let me know what you decide’ which really implies you’re good with the group choice. You then just went along with it for months I stead of objecting then. I do think with something expensive, Bruce should have doubled checked before booking but you should have definitely gone with ‘let me know what you guys are thinking so I can see if it works for me’ if you weren’t fine with the group choice.