First post, not sure what all the Reddit specifics are, however, I wanted some advice from outsider viewers.
For some context, I’m a very indifferent teenager and never really give a shit about much, so me being jealous worries me, to be honest. Me and my friends are the alternative group in our small school, there’s about 10 of us. I joined this group at about the end of 2024, leaving my old one because of the toxic area, and all around creepy vibe it ended up having, none of the people there was actually in my grade, either.I would only sit with them at lunch due to that.
I became friends with 2 of the members of my current group back in grade 8, but got closer with another group member (let’s call her K) cause we both played Volleyball. She and I both liked anime and spent time together. We almost ended up dating, but decided we rushed into it too quick (we’re both girls btw). After that, we somewhat drifted apart and only really talked in class since we had basically every class together. After I finally worked up the nerve to leave my old friends, I became closer with – who I thought was – my current best friend, E. She and I bonded pretty quickly and hung out a lot. Looking back now, it always took extra reminding to hang out with her outside of school, but we texted and called very often. We we’re basically best friends for almost 2 years (late grade 8 to mid grade 10). Then, after term 2 or term 3 of school, she, out of the blue, became so close with K. Now, don’t get me wrong, I really like K. We have good conversations and we have similar interests and she’s glad I escaped my old friend group. But lately, it feels like E has been really rude to me. One time in class, K was playing some Beatles song on the piano and both her and E are obsessed with the Beatles. I, however, don’t. Well, I don’t care nor listen to them, anyway. So, I made the comment that I don’t listen to the Beatles, since I didn’t know the song, and E has an outburst. "FUCK YOU! YOU HAVE THE MUSIC TASTE OF A THREEE YEAR OLD."
I was shocked and laughed it off since it was in the middle of class, but it honestly really hurt. There’s been a few other things since then where I feel like she’s juts been ruder to me than usual. I am slightly jealous over her current relationship with K, since it was random and she’s now being rude. E was also the only person who made an attempt to get to know me after I left my old group. So, now her being rude to me really, really hurts. I’m the type of person who always goes over to the person and tries to talk through issues. However, due to the current, teenager turmoil in my friend group, I don’t feel comfortable talking to her or K about it, since K is sort of the ‘leader’ of the group, and I don’t want to be next on the chopping block. I was considering texting her and asking if we were ‘good’. But I really don’t know. But am I the asshole for being jealous??
Paragraph breaks exist. Your posts will get read when you use them.
Sorry about that, never really used reddit before, thank you though
No one wants to read a solid block of text written like this. So I’ll just say… you don’t own your friends.
Friendships are voluntary, non-monogomus relationships and you’ll get exactly the time, investment and dedication that you inspire and is suitable to your compatability.
thank you! I will keep that in mind. I’ve never ventured that far on reddit before, so i wasn’t really sure how to format it. Thank you so much for your advice.
NTA Emotions themselves aren’t good or bad. It’s what we do with them that matters. It’s great that you’re looking for insight to help you see the current situation with a clear perspective.
I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt by E.
How big is the friend group? Just the three of you or more?
Unfortunately, group dynamics shift without warning when one member exerts control to show everyone likes them best. Many times they do this by picking off one person. It’s my experience that this particular tribal behavior is more common with young women. Some never stop wanting the drama.
So, you and K had an awkward short time initially of figuring out whether to date or not to date. Friendship followed and you saw her all day in classes. You develop a “close” friendship with E, though it troubles me you had to remind her to hang out. She may have been showing even then that she wasn’t as into it as you were.
Friend groups morph, you leave one and join another. K sees an opportunity to prove she is “better” than you? She may have been feeling more competitive with you than you know. K spends time with E apart from you. Gossip and private jokes, who knows what all, create a bond between them that K encourages. She pulls E away from you.
Some may downvote me, but I’ve seen versions of this over my experiences.
Thank you so much!! There are many of us in the group, 10 specifically but only about 5 that regularly come to school. K also half-admitted that she was jealous of me hanging out with E, but E never said they were ever that close before. As for the K proving she is better, I don’t know. There are many closer/ one-on-one friendships within the group, but E was – what I thought – my ride or die. She and I made plans about living together during uni, then she tells me she wants to live with K, seemingly forgetting all about our ideas of supporting each other. I am questioning our previous dynamic, but thank you so much for your support, I really needed this <3
Sometimes the best thing to do is protect yourself. You are going emotions are all over the place jealousy is just one of them.
Good new is, you acknowledge it, now work through it. Maybe take a step back from those “friendships”, believe me sometimes they feel more deep than they really are.
Get yourself inrolled in some hobbies, take time for yourself, I don’t know what you enjoy doing, learn to be alone sometimes, is uncomfortable in the beginning but with time it will feel better.
Friends come and go, real friends will stick with you. And right now it may feel like the end of the world but believe me is not, real friends will eventually show up.
Good luck.