My sister and I were having a conversation about my husband. She dropped it on me via text that she wanted to exclude him from all family/group gatherings when her and her family are present as they don’t always get along. I was mad/hurt by this. Then as if that was not bad enough, she brought a 3 year old rumor about my husband. I was fully aware of the rumor, it was just that – a rumor, but the fact that she held onto this for years and had not previously debunked it with him or I and chose to bring it up now really makes me question her intent. If this was not a rumor, this would have been a life changing/marriage ending rumor. Why bring this up, except to hurt me. Her and I have not spoken since. Our families are apart and I being blamed for my reaction to the situation. AITA for being hurt by her throwing this rumor into the issue?
You’re going to need to tell us what the rumor was to determine if it was relevant.
too much fluff and not enough details. Why don’t they get along, what is the rumor she is trying to keep alive, what is the history here you are not sharing. Kinda hard to tell with just a rough outline of a story
Edit: I was unaware that this “rumor” was actually true. When OP said in the original post “it was just that – a rumor” I assumed it was false. I’ll leave my comment up for reference to what’s below, and I apologize for jumping to conclusions.
NTA. Rumors are LIES which means that your sister is starting unnecessary drama. Tell your family that she is lying about what she said.
Also, she’s the AH because why should her family get priority over your family at family gatherings? Your sister is entitled in addition to being a lying AH.
Not all rumors are lies. Some do turn out to be true.
This rumor was a situation that happened with my husband at a work event. I was made aware of the situation immediately by my husband. It was completely out of character for him and he was very honest about the events leading up to the situation. He took full responsibility for the actions that were correct and told me what was suspected and not accurate. I never brought this up with anyone, because it was a non issue and he was embarrassed. My husband resigned and we moved on. My sister and husband work in the same field, a very close knit field, always lots of gossip, so I guess she heard something through the grapevine. Inevitable I’m sure. But if she didn’t know for sure…why did she not ask him or me when she heard this? Why sit on it until now?
This does not look good that he resigned over what happened. It sounds like the rumor has truth to it.
What exactly happened at this work event?
He probably resigned to stop the drama.
INFO: feels like a lot of stuff missing here
It’s impossible to say who’s wrong here. If your husband did nothing wrong and your family simply doesn’t get along with him, your sister would be wrong. Yet, the fact that your own sister doesn’t want your husband around anymore, the rumours that are so serious you would leave him if they were true, and your whole family blaming you makes, me wonder what you’re not telling us about your husband.
info
1. What’s the rumor?
2. Why does she believe it?
3. Why has no one addressed it?
Having read the post and a few responses from OP, it’s clear that she (since she has a husband odds are she’s female although yes I know it’s not the only possibility) wants to get this question answered without addressing the elephant in the room. But I don’t think it’s possible. The crux of her complaint is that she thinks the sister was trying to be hurtful by bringing up this old rumor. But the information provided is way too vague to even guess at the sister’s intent. We would have to know what exactly the sister said, which of course would involve revealing what the rumor was, which OP is apparently not willing to do. So we’re at an impasse.
(As an AITA verdict: INFO).
You should have a meeting with your Sister and ask her to explain what she’s heard and who she heard it from and if it can be verified, if it can’t then she should drop it, but if this rumour can be verified as true by witnesses then you should speak to these people if they’re willing and have the necessary discussion with your Husband. Blind trust in someone isn’t always deserved. What type of industry does your Husband and Sister work in that consuming illegal substances is commonplace? You say it’s knowingly accepted in this industry yet they sacked your Husband for doing it while everyone else gets a pass? I’d want all the facts on this situation if available, because it sounds as though some of the story is possibly missing.