I \[17M\] was trying to help my best friend \[17M\] (we’ll call him “C”) kiss his first girlfriend \[17F\] (we’ll call her “K”) of 4 months for the first time at a party.
C asked me for some advice on how to kiss his girlfriend K for the first time because every time he tried to make a move, she would call for a rain check, dodge it, or say she wasn’t comfortable because of an ex-boyfriend. So, me being a good friend, I made a plan to try and help him out at a party coming up.
For context, this party was in an event space inside an apartment complex that had two rooms divided by a sliding door.
The party had around 15 people. It was a fun party, we had food, games, and music, and everyone was having a really good time. At one point during the party, everyone was playing a game and one side of the room was empty, so I took the opportunity to get them alone on the other side of the room. I closed the doors a bit and sat in a chair right in front of the doors so no one could come in and disturb them. I left them alone for around 10 minutes, and then they came out saying that K had spilled a drink on herself and needed to go to the bathroom to clean herself. She took a friend with her. I went up to C asking how it was going, and he said they hadn’t kissed. K had given mixed signals and he didn’t want to do the wrong thing.She was in the bathroom for a while, around 15 minutes, and when K and her friend came out of the bathroom, she was acting different towards C and I and she wouldn’t leave her friends side. The party was fine after that, and I eventually went home.
When I got home, I checked my phone and saw a text from C saying:
“Hey, I would appreciate it if you guys just let us go at our own pace. What happened today wasn’t good and it just kind of made everything worse. I understand that you had the right intentions, but I would really appreciate you staying out of our relationship.”
C and I haven’t talked to each other since, and I’m wondering, AITA?
Yta – the girlfriend isn’t ready to kiss him and you put her in an uncomfortable position at a party and tried to pressure her into it. Your intentions weren’t even good, they were selfish.
i understand ur intentions were pure but if ur friend didnt directly tell u that he wanted ur assistance with this situation then u shouldve stayed out of it, yta
YTA: Encouraging your friend to try to coerce his girlfriend into kissing is not okay. That’s not what being a wingman is. The girl isn’t ready to kiss yet and you encouraging C’s shenanigans is very dangerously skating shady behavior.
YTA and so is your friend. How did he not get the hint from her dodging it? There is a clear lack of consent
It’s crazy that not only did he try to coerce her (putting her in situations where she had to rain check, dodge or say she’s uncomfy), but also went ahead to get you to double down
It isnt civil to share private matters like when you’re ready to kiss & what you’ve done together if you respect your partner. A respectful, consenting relationship benefits everyone in it. Why does he want to kiss someone who doesnt want to kiss him? Why does he not care about her enough to like her beyond needing to be kissed, especially when she’s expressed trauma (and he went ahead and told you about it even if it is not detailed)
YTA
Blocking the door made her feel trapped. Leave them alone.
YTA by not reading the room and pushing your friend to make a move she doesn’t want.
Based on the interaction so far, making a move without explicit consent is not the right play.
So the only right move at this point is to clearly ask for permission. “I would really like to kiss you, is that ok?”
Of course YTA. This made me so uncomfortable, that poor girl. If my daughter came home and told me this story I’d go apeshit. Why are you helping your friend to force a girl to do something she doesn’t want to do? She’s not a toy there to suit his whims.
You have the opportunity to learn about consent and that no means no now, before you grow up and become that man who looks the other way while his mate assaults a woman, or worse plans it with him. Stop it.
ESH, except C and her friends. Your intentions were good for your friend. But you totally forgot about how it would make C feel. Trapped while everyone knows. That is horrible and nonsensical. If they are on a date together they much more alone as at that party.
He asked for advice. You should have given him some and leave it at that. But your friend is an asshole too. He should own up to his mistakes and not solemly blame you. Don’t bother with otgers relationships at all.
“Wingman?” Well today I learned a new word for sexual predator’s accomplice.
YTA
YTA
I mean, stop being a “wingman”. You are really not good at reading the situation and helping.
She was pretty clear with your friend that she didn’t want to kiss him. Maybe just not yet, maybe not ever, but definitely not right now. You forcing them doesn’t help.
So yeah, solid YTA. A few notes going forward in life.
As I have said before, the road to damnation is paved with good intentions. So don’t hope that will save you, it won’t. And in the future, if your partner says no, they are uncomfortable with something, some kind of intimacy, believe them and don’t keep putting them in situations that would force it. It is creepy that you didn’t think that through.
YTA. Send him a text and apologize for helping him when it wasn’t asked for or warranted. You could have gotten him into a very bad situation. Let him complain and offer suggestions if he asks, but don’t be locking ppl in rooms. That’s just dangerous.
I have to wonder if K is really C’s girlfriend— of 4 months or otherwise. They’re 17 years old and she has no desire to even kiss him. She apparently doesn’t even want to be alone with him.
What makes him think they’re in a relationship? What makes him persist in pursuing her when she’s been pretty clear she’s not interested? At least in a romantic relationship.
It’s possible “girlfriend” just means friend to them, but when I was 17, if you had an actual girlfriend/boyfriend, you were kissing.