Throwaway account on mobile, rarely use Reddit, so apologies if the formatting is bad.
My girlfriend and I (both F32) have a friend that lives with us (M28) – we let him move in with us last year to help distance from a bad relationship, works nightshift, doesn’t do much upkeep work around the house (I do trash/recycling, replace lightbulbs, garden work, etc.). However, there’s been a couple issues of cleaning up after himself or using some things like food or objects without asking us first. I am admittedly a little more protective of my belongings and don’t like when things are out of place. We live in MD and got hit by the winter storm. GF and I have been off work since she has a long commute and I work for the school system. The other evening our roommate says our shovel "got chipped". It had a 2 inch crack and tear in the middle of the blade.
The short version from there: We mention we need a new shovel to be able to get our cars out. He says he’ll check Walmart for a new one but it’s not likely they’ll have any so get with our friend across the highway (5m drive). I remind him we cannot because we are snowed in. He uses our shovel to dig his car out more, completely destroying it in the process. He leaves it on our front step, the metal has twisted entirely and the head snapped off. The garbage area is maybe 30ft away in the parking lot. He reluctantly he gets the other shovel from our friend. He made a couple of snide comments in the brief conversation we had after. I spend 3 hours trying to shovel our cars today, finding that he piled the snow from his car behind my GF’s, leaving me with a nightmare of snow and ice to try and get through. A neighbor lent me a metal shovel to use while they took a break, but I had to return it after. I send a link asking roommate to grab a metal shovel from Home Depot so I can finish our cars tomorrow. In my mind, this makes sense because I’m not dug out and he broke ours. His direct response is, "Instead, I’d like to contribute $10 as a replacement. No hostility here, just saying that the plastic shovel we kept was improper equipment for the task, it’s not my fault it couldn’t handle the iced snow."
The shovel itself was a good one – heavy duty plastic with a metal handle under plastic. I had been using it for 15 years in worse winters (I’m from further north) without any kind of issue or significant wear. GF advised me not to respond yet; he has not said anything since (happened in our house GC). Worth noting a friend sent us a screenshot of him sending the fully broken shovel to another server seemingly making light of destroying it as a joke.
My issue with him is that he took something without asking, broke it, and is refusing to replace it. Am I an asshole for expecting him to replace it?
NTA: He’s arguing it’s plastic so he doesn’t owe the full amount? Honestly maybe it’s time he finds somewhere else to live. He sounds like a bad and ungrateful roommate.
NTA. You use something that belongs to someone else and break it, you replace it. You don’t criticize the thing of theirs you used to deflect culpability. It’s not rocket science.
NTA but the shovel itself is secondary — ask him to pay for it but expect him not to. The shovel is a metaphor for his attitude to you, the amount of gratitude he has for your help, and what he’s willing to pay back to you. Take the whole thing, and what it reveals about him, as a sign that he needs to go. Give him formal notice.
Its time for him to find a new place to live
ESH. You’re not overreacting for all the OTHER things that make this guy super annoying and ridiculous. But this isn’t about the shovel. And also, the shovel is a poor vehicle for your feelings here. You say you’re in MD…. I broke two high-quality metal-and-wood garden tools trying to clear up today in DALLAS. This storm was as much ice as it was snow.
Stop focusing all your feelings on this ridiculous idea that an old, used, beat up plastic shovel was somehow supposed to survive this record-breaking weather event. Maturity is having a conversation about your actual root feelings. There’s no winning this shovel argument for either party and it’s a waste of energy.
Yta. Since you’re asking about the shovel that’s all I’ll focus on. Plastic gets brittle as it ages, and you said it was 15 years old. He owes you a 15 year old plastic shovel, not a brand new shovel of your choice. Honestly $10 sounds fair enough, I saw steel core plastic shovels today for $20 at Sam’s club.
YTA. Plastic shovels don’t last forever, especially in a storm that’s more ice than snow. If you don’t like the guy, put your big girl pants on and say so rather than trying to create drama about something inconsequential.