I (28F) live with my grandma. She doesn’t live with me because of any health issues. we genuinely prefer living together rather than being separated. I really enjoy living with her. She’s kind never crosses boundaries and we are really close. We laugh and joke around a lot. she braids my hair while I gossip about boys or my day at work and she sometimes cooks my favorite meals when I’m feeling upset. our living situation was peaceful and enjoyable.
This started at my cousin’s wedding. My sister, my grandma, and I were invited. It was a very traditional wedding and honestly kinda cute. but the after party was a hot mess. Everyone was dancing it was loud and I was already exhausted from the wedding. There was a weird tradition where the brides family dances while everyone claps then the groom’s family does the same. Since I’m family of the groom, I was asked to dance.
I didn’t want to. I was tired and my dress was really tight but my grandma convinced me to. so I did. I don’t think I did that bad, but after it was over and I sat back down an older woman I didn’t even know turned her head looked me up and down, and said “You don’t dance that often, do you?
It was really rude and judgemental. I laughed it off to avoid starting drama then i told my sister and she told me to ignore it and I did.
What I didn’t expect was that after the wedding my grandma invited this same woman to come home with us. At first I assumed it was just a ride or that shed stay for the night and leave . When we got home I excused myself and went straight to sleep while she talked to my grandma.
The next morning she was still there. I left for work. When I came back she was still there.
I finally pulled my grandma aside and asked what was going on. She told me this woman was a “guest” and would be staying for a couple of days. I was upset because I was never asked or even informed beforehand. This is my house, and I feel like I deserve a say in who stays here.
It has now been 8 long days and she is still here.
She constantly inserts herself into my personal life and gives unsolicited opinions. If I complain about cramps she tells me maybe I should work out more. If Im crying to my grandma about something stressful that happened at work she jumps in and tells me to suck it up and stop crying because Im an adult. I NEVER ask her for advice or opinions. she just butts in and says whatever she wants
To be clear: I have not been rude to her. I don’t argue with her. I don’t snap. I’ve only vented privately to my grandma, sister and boyfriend about how uncomfortable and frustrated I feel.
Instead of understanding they tell me I’m being an asshole and that Im "rude" which feels insane to me because all Ive done is express how bothered I am by someone overstaying in my home and disrespecting me repeatedly.
Also I am not from USA so some things may sound weird to you if you are from there. And English is my second language so do correct me if I said something wrong.
INFO: Is this your house or your grandma’s? Or are you both signed on a lease for the house?
It’s mine
NTA. The phrase you should use, or at least the one I would, is: “shut your horrid mouth and get out of my house”.
Why is she even there for 8 days and why on earth are you expected to put up with a long-term guest who treats you like garbage in your own home?
If she’s abusive about it, call the police and have her dragged out.
NTA, but time to say. “You have a lot to say for someone staying in MY HOUSE. You have worn out your welcome. I have tried to be tolerant of the invite my grandmother gave you. Please start planning on going back home to YOUR house…
Info: Who is she?? Can you call a family member of hers to come get her? You’ve been more than generous letting her stay this long.
This is a horror movie wtf lol has this lady hypnotized your grandma into letting her move in with you or something wtf
Without knowing more about your culture, I can’t say if you are an AH by your own culture’s standards or not. By mine you are most definitely NTA and should ask your grandmother to make sure the “guest” leaves.
If that is not practical in your culture, is there maybe a different elder family member who could help? Or a male family member?
By my cultures standards, I’d be worrying this woman was running some kind of scam. Some random “family member” convinces your grandmother to let her stay for over a week suddenly without notification? Did this woman have luggage? Is she ever going home? Is she now a squatter?
NTA have you asked your grandma how long she will be staying? I would even suggest they find somewhere else to visit during her stay
Nta
NTA. Also, be careful. What are the tenants rights where you live? I know that in a lot of places in the states, the person who stays for more than a certain length of time is legally a tenant and must be evicted by the courts rather than just being asked to leave.
If you are paying bills you have a say. Sit down with your Grandma and let her know how you feel about this woman and why. If you aren’t paying bills you basically have no say on who your grandma allows to stay. You should still communicate your concerns to grandma. There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting this woman know that you do not appreciate her rude commentary on your life and she should keep her advice to herself.
Op still has a say if she’s paying no bills. It’s where she lives.
You know I grew up in church and there we were told to always respect our elders, but then I realized there was a a lot of old people who didn’t deserve respect and would use this mantra as some kind of plot armor to do whatever they want.
So just started treating them how they treat me and let me tell you it is glorious.