Dinner was cancelled. I was planning to treat the family dinner but it seemed they don’t to now after what I did to relatives. My dad did something with a second cousin of mine and the plan this afternoon was do shopping, meet with that relative and then go home for a dinner I WILL PAY FOR since it was my birthday last Friday. My birthday dinner was scheduled today.
Now it was me, my sister and my parents who were out for the afternoon so we shopped then my dad bought these pastries to give to the second cousin (SC) as a thanks for whatever business or collaboration they did. Then we had to meet at a hotel where he was staying and give our thanks then leave for dinner.
However SC wanted to meet us in the hotel restaurant. So we went to the restaurant and we sat down. So SC was going to give us just a ‘light’ snack. However this light snack turned into a chow down. He ordered Pizza, Club Sandwiches, Chicken Tenders, French Fries. I decided to not eat. My parents and my sister can eat but I wont. I planned a dinner, made reservations and that is my priority. Then SC asked why Im not eating. That’s when I told him Im planning to treat my family dinner later and I want to save my appetite. My dad bluntly said "We can move it next week". I cannot believe he said that. I did not say it but I was thinking "Appeasing to a relative you barely meet is more important than a dinner your son is planning."
Then at the car was a big argument. My parents accused me of being a rude jerk to the SC but I told them that I had a dinner planned and it’s SC’s problem if he ordered food for us but we have to save our tummies. My dad said "HE IS A RELATIVE AND PART OF OUR FAMILY. BE NICE TO HIM. THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPEN AND WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT!" So he’s saying we have to appease to last minute things coming from relatives we barely meet at the inconvenience of other people? No. It is a nice gesture but there is a risk to that and the lesson is "Don’t order food for other people". So yeah my dinner is cancelled because my parents are upset and I am just frustrated.
NTA. It’s wild that you were expected to eat because someone else unilaterally ordered food for you. That’s not hospitality, that’s pressure. Your parents canceling your own birthday dinner because you didn’t play along is pretty telling. SC might have been trying to be generous, sure, but nobody gets to be offended that you didn’t want to spoil your own plans.
I’m confused about why OP is paying for everyone else on his birthday?? His parents should be paying for him and asking where he wants to go.
What’s wrong with treating people on birthdays? Im working Im earning so why make parents treat me?
Sometimes it is the custom to treat one’s guests for one’s birthday.
YTA. By your own admission, you hardly see this family and they wanted to do something nice. Your parents clearly enjoyed the meal. You could have rescheduled bc you see your family all the time and it was your treat. Its not really your bday dinner since it’s a week later and everyone was getting free food
Well other people were involved in my birthday treat. I asked if they are free and they said yes. I chose dinner because that was a time everyone was free.
Exactly this. OP didn’t owe anyone a second full meal just because the cousin ordered it. Saving your appetite for a birthday dinner you planned and paid for isn’t rude, it’s just being respectful of your own time and plans. Boundaries aren’t disrespectful.
Was it that big of a deal to move the dinner date back? You were kind of the AH here.
I had other people involved and I planned it. It wasnt just me my parents and my sister. Im not gonna adjust my plans for a distNt relative I barely meet.
YTA You had an opportunity to connect with other family, but you made your plans more important than family. Get over yourself and apologize.
Well my plans had more people involved. Apart from my sister Inhave three other siblings and two are married. Inhad to ask when they are free and they were free sunday dinner. There was lots of planning involved and you think Im gonna throw that away just to appease to a second cousin, one I barely meet and last time I met him my older brothers have not even graduated college? No
YTA. If it was really about the food & enjoying it with your family.. they weren’t going to be that hungry.. so while disappointing, why not reschedule ?
If it was really about spending time with your family to celebrate your birthday, etc- then who cares if they already ate. It wouldn’t bother me if my family showed up to my birthday dinner and already ate- they can get an appetizer or something. It’s more about the quality time
ALSO- I’m curious. Were you out with your family shopping for your birthday presents ?
And I don’t think you have to worry about dinner plans anymore because I doubt anyone will want to go out with you in the future
Nta- you had plans and you were really excited for them and was proud you would be paying for your family. If anything I think you were a bit naive to think your family would still want the dinner after the cousin meal. If you weren’t eating because you knew you had to save your appetite, did you think your family would still have room for a fancy dinner later?