AITA for being rude towards my mother in law or is my husband the real AH
My mother in law insists on visiting my daughter every Saturday and Sunday usually between the hours of 1:30 and 3:30 pm. The problem with her chosen time slot is that this is the middle of the night for me. I’m a nurse and currently the breadwinner of our family. I work 12 hour overnights shifts beginning at 7:00pm ending at 7:30am every Friday Saturday and Sunday.
In contrast, my mother in law does not have a single obligation in her life. Arguibly, she has not had a single obligation in the last 30 years. She chooses to come at the most inconvenient time for me.
I’ve never been a morning person, and am certainly NOT in the mood for any form of small talk immediately upon rising. Any dialogue between her and I is always initiated by her and met with short monotone responses. A typical conversation between her and I will go something like this;
MIL "Are you working tonight?"
Me, "Yes"
MIL, "Are they going to call you off?"
Me, "No" or "I won’t know until 5:00pm"
MIL "I hope you have a good night." or "I hope you get called off"
Me, "Thank you"
This is the same conversation I have with her every weekend. She should know the answers to those questions, but she’s old, possibly senile. I get it.
It’s my husband that really pisses me off. Anytime, I attempt to explain how his mother’s desired visit time negatively impacts me, I’m told
1). Stop whining
2). Everyone is tired of hearing you bitch
3). No one cares
4). Other people work fucked up schedules too.
5). Stop putting yourself on a pedestal.
6). She’s old. Deal with it.
6). You’re an asshole towards my mom.
So who is the asshole here, me, my husband or my mother in law?
And in before someone suggests that my daughter should visit her grandmother at her grandmother’s house, that is impossible. My mother in law is a hoarder. Her house is disgusting. I do not want my daughter there.
It’s hard to believe you might actually be questioning if it’s your husband that’s an AH when you quote him as saying: “1). Stop whining 2). Everyone is tired of hearing you bitch 3). No one cares 4). Other people work fucked up schedules too. 5). Stop putting yourself on a pedestal.”
No one should talk to you like that, especially not the man you’ve chosen to share your life with. I’m sorry your MIL doesn’t respect your schedule, but given that you’ve already expressed it to her and she’s possibly senile, it’s on your husband to set this boundary and not treat you like shit over it… NTA, of course.
Edited to correct my acronym.
Especially since he’s NOT the breadwinner.
NTA, but why do you have to get up? Isn’t your husband there watching your daughter? I don’t understand why you’re interacting with MIL at all when you should be sleeping.
My first question too. Why do you even know she’s there? Stay in your room and sleep!