I am a broke college student, and all my savings come from my allowance. I have to budget carefully to cover my wants and needs. I am currently saving for my semester break.
Recently, I spent a significant portion of my savings to buy two tickets (one for me and my girlfriend) for an upcoming concert of my favorite band. After buying the tickets, I had to create a strict budget so that I would have enough money by the end of the semester for three things:
1. My girlfriend’s birthday present
2. Our Anniversary Dinner (her birthday and our anniversary fall within the same month during our semester break)
3. A small buffer for emergencies/sudden expenses.
Here’s the problem: her favorite artist suddenly announced that they were going to hold a fan event near where we lived. The tickets were pretty pricey, and I had only just scraped together enough money for the three items in my budget. She spent about a week trying to convince me to go with her, but I kept saying no since it wasn’t in my budget. Doing so would have meant using my emergency fund, and I didn’t want to take away from our anniversary dinner fund and her birthday gift fund.
Every time I said no, she would become sad and upset, accusing me of being unfair. She would say that she had supported me and agreed to come to my favorite band’s concert, so I should be able to do the same for her.
Eventually, I relented and bought a ticket (we each paid for our own). I was already stressed about dipping into my emergency fund, and I was frustrated because she wouldn’t accept my “no” and kept accusing me of being unfair, so I gave in and bought the ticket. She thought I was upset because I was being selfish and didn’t want to spend the money to go with her. I explained my side and told her that I was saving up specifically for the special occasions during semester break, but she wouldn’t listen. Now she’s threatening to go to the fan event with a friend instead (and have that friend reimburse me for my ticket), and also not attend my favorite band’s concert with me. So, am I the asshole for getting upset after we had bought the tickets?
**Edit:**
Since I saw some people asking similar questions down in the comments, here’s some more context:
1. I initially kept the details of my budget to myself, but the more she pushed, the more I tried to hint that I was saving for something important. I eventually explained everything only *after* I bought the ticket, because she kept insisting that I go with her, wouldn’t take no for an answer, and she kept accusing me of being unfair.
2. I was hyperfixated on not spending my anniversary budget on the ticket because I was adamant on taking her somewhere special since it was going to be our 10th Anniversary.
3. My thought process was that "*She’s attended events for her favorite artist before without me, so she could go to this one too, while I saved for her birthday and our anniversary. Best of both worlds*."
Nta , she could have offered to buy the ticket for you if she very much wanted you to accompany her to this concert. I don’t know how you split finances in your relationship but this is something I would do for my SO if I wanted them to accompany me or I would have went alone if they didn’t wish to go with me
NTA – I don’t understand why she just didn’t have the friend go with her in the first place since it was outside of your budget. Or she could have paid for your ticket. Either way, you have to put your budget first.
NAH, why not buy her ticket as a her birthday gift tho, that way your budget stays intact.
NTA
Your GF is the one being very selfish here. There is nothing wrong with having a budget and sticking to it. In fact, it is a wise way to live.
> She would say that she had supported me and agreed to come to my favorite band’s concert, so I should be able to do the same for her.
This is not an equal exchange. You wanted her to join you, so you bought her a ticket. If she wanted you to join her so bad, she should have bought you a ticket as well.
Your GF has been very manipulative in all of this. It is time for a serious conversation.
NTA. You girlfriend sounds unreasonable and a bit selfish. Now she’s using some kind of manipulation on you. Just the fact that she wouldn’t listen to you and insisted on doing things her way, even though it would cause you problems financially isn’t a good sign.
I had a husband who would pester me and pester me for something not in our household budget. I would reluctantly give in because he was relentless. Then, after he bought this totally unnecessary item and I would be sour, he’d come back with “but you agreed to it.” Because he wouldn’t let up! Your girlfriend sounds like my ex! It’s a red flag in a relationship because if you end up married, your now girlfriend/future wife is going to use this tactic that she’s using now on you.
NTA. If having you come was so important to her, why didn’t she do the same thing you did and buy both tickets for her event herself? That would have been reasonable parity. Expecting you to pay for your ticket to something she wants is unreasonable.
NTA. You bought *both* tickets for your favorite band. WTF should you also pay for your ticket to *her* favorite artist’s event? Does she always expect you to pick up the tab? Will she be paying her share of the anniversary dinner? She should be. Berating you for not wanting to go to her event when she is going to yours is completely off-base here. If she wants you to go, she should bloody well pay for your ticket.
I’d be rethinking this relationship. I sure as hell would be reducing the “birthday gift fund” by the amount of the ticket for her event. After all, you’re going as a “gift” to her after she badgered you into it. I’d also consider her ticket to your event as part of her birthday gift. So if your original “fund” was $200, the ticket to her event was $40, and the ticket to yours was $45, so there’s $105 left to spend for her birthday. If that makes her unhappy, too bad, so sad. She should have kept her mouth shut.
If she really cared, she wouldn’t be trying to make you spend money you don’t have. Not on anything, and certainly not on something unnecessary just because she wants you to. Let her friend buy the ticket from you, and tuck it away *for yourself*!
NTA. You don’t say how old you guys are but if you’re both college students (late teens, early 20s) it sounds like a relationship that won’t last forever. Does she not like the band you got tickets for? Is the relationship worth an “anniversary present”?
NTA sell your ticket to her friend for her band’s event, and take a friend to your concert
NTA. You paid for your event. She should pay for her event. She sounds like she wants a sugar daddy or is obsessed with the fake lives of influencers.
YTA. You don’t know how to communicate. You need to be direct like you are with us.
You could have told her just like that – honey, I’m kinda broke. I only have a small reserve left for your birthday and our anniversary and if I spend it we’d need to do something modest. Maybe let’s do you event and have romantic dinner at home?
Trust her, give her information, manage her expectations. There’s no shame in having limited finances and making choices. As all your financial reserves are towards spending on her anyway perhaps let her chose if she prefers going out for anniversary or sharing fan experience with you. Instead of quietly breeding resentment until it explodes you know.
Dude, you immediately should have switched up and made this her birthday present. You do seriously need to work on your communication skills and your ability to compromise.
Info – at what point did you tell her that it was due to budgetary concerns?
It kind of reads like you just told her no with no explanation until you were already in a fight and then pulled out that it was because you were saving for other things.
YTA. Not for your concerns, not for being in a situation that’s financially tough so you have to prioritize, not for not wanting to do it.
But you are TA for agreeing, buying the ticket, but then continuing bitching about it. Look, you agreed, so let it go.
You either agree, buy the ticket, and smile through the whole thing, or you don’t agree, argue the point and definitely do not buy the ticket. Agreeing and then anyway making the whole thing miserable is why you are TA.
She’s one too though, for not listening to valid concerns, for discarding your very real life tough circumstances, so you are not alone as an A here. But you end up the final A because you agreed and then continued the argument anyway.