All of this happened yesterday, so I apologize if I sound aggravated while explaining it. My mother and I had been planning my baby shower for about two months. Altogether, we spent over $800 on a small party. Living in the Caribbean, food, drinks, and supplies are expensive. On top of that, we rented tables, chairs, and tents.
We cooked and provided almost everything ourselves: tuna and cheese sandwiches, plain and rainbow cake, chicken, beef, and vegetable samosas, fish fingers, about $70 in snacks, and another $100 in candy packets that we assembled ourselves. It was weeks of preparation, so you can imagine how frustrated we were when the night ended the way it did.
For context, my child’s father and I aren’t together. I’ll refer to his mother as my MIL. She brought five large sodas and a pan of wings, all cut in half. That was it from their side; no one else helped. I didn’t care at first because we had enough food. My baby’s father wasn’t there because he had to work, he informed me before hand that he couldn’t make it and sent a gift as an apology.
It rained most of the evening, but we were under tents and tried to keep the vibe going. I didn’t socialize much because I don’t enjoy talking, and after a while, all people want to do is talk about the baby, repeating questions and telling you what you “should” feel. I mostly stayed with my brothers and my niece.
Toward the end, when people left, everyone started taking to-go plates. That’s fine, but they overdid it. I took my four-year-old niece to get a few sandwiches because she hadn’t eaten. Both platters were full all night, but when I returned with her, one was empty and the other half gone.
Everything disappeared so quickly my mother could only get plates for my stepfather and one other person. Snacks, candy, everything was gone. Earlier, my BD’s grandmother had said she didn’t like fish, yet her plate was stacked with fish fingers. They also took back one of the drinks they brought.
The trays were completely cleared, and honestly, it felt extremely greedy considering all the effort, money, and time put into the party.
So AITA for being upset about the way they acted.
YTA. You had a baby shower where you said you didn’t socialize because you don’t like talking.
So, you had a gift grab and got upset that you allowed people to take to go food and then got upset because you perceived it as taking too much.
…
What? I imagine your co-parent relationship for the next 20+ years will be an exciting read.
Ahh I can see where you think that and I had to cut down on most of what I said because of the 3000 character limit.. but I’ll clarify. I didn’t socialize no but I made it a point to go around asking people if they were ok or enjoying themselves at least twice, introduced the ones who didn’t meet etc. I didn’t have a gift grab because the only gifts his side gave me was the one he sent and a bathtub.
Were they supposed to bring gifts? Or were they just invited for the company and food?
I have personally never heard of a baby shower where gifts weren’t expected. I thought that’s the whole point.
NTA. It’s natural to feel upset when you feel you’ve been taken advantage of.
Guess it’s a cultural thing that so many people were invited and that your mother clearly thought you had to put on so much, despite not really being into it yourself? Unfortunately, being about the baby (and you, but mostly the baby I guess), people were focused on talking about just that.
Is it also a normal thing to take fully loaded “to-go” plates? If so, next time your family host and event make sure someone’s designated to tuck some food aside for specific people, at an appropriate time.
If it’s a personal issue between your MIL and your family, next time serve more cheap eats. 😉
It is normal so that wast the issue it was them taking 3-4 plates even though some made it clear that they dint like certain foods.
I think everything was a little tacky. They taking so much food. You not socializing with the guests. What MIL brought, that side of the family not bringing gifts… maybe just stay away from them. They are nlt bringing any positivity to your life and youre not even dating the father, so no obligation.
NTA. Typically I would say be thankful you won’t have so much food waste from the party, but they should’ve at least ASKED first, and they definitely shouldn’t have been clearing full trays.
NTA AT ALL!!! Your feelings are valid, especially considering how your niece didn’t even get a plate. Their behavior just seems rude and careless to me.
To me YTA if you’re upset for the way they acted you’re not if you’re just upset because that is a feeling that can normally happen.
Them acting the way they did you can’t hold them responsible for that you were fine with it. They don’t know how much money you put in it. Even you checking out what the grandmother took is weird to me. Also does this make the party failed? I wouldn’t think so. And if so were did your priorities lie.
I would like more context like times etc. aswel.
I get that. Since I hate a limit on how much i could put it’s kind of confusing. I was looking at what the grandmother took because she made such a huge deal and noise when my mother tried to serve her the fish yet took most of it when she was leaving.
My MIL was supposed to go half and half on the party with my mother and my mom stayed in contact with her the entire time checking and confirming so it also upset my mom when she showed up with what she did because it wasn’t fair to my mama in no way.
Mmm okay i understand but then i imagine you we’re maybe upset from the start. Nta cause it’s totally understandable if that’s the case. I would then just focus on the future and not make to big a deal about it since you have a lot of happiness coming.