i (22f) am the beneficiary along with my brother (26m) and sister (32f) to a three bedroom house with a garage studio conversion.
3ish years ago my siblings moved into the house. My brother moved into the ADU garage and my sister moved into the master bedroom of the house. My nephew (now 8m) took my room, which is the second biggest room in the house. I didn’t exactly mind at the time because aside from Thanksgiving winter and spring break I was in my college town.
over the time that I was gone, my brother got a dog that stays with him in the back and my sister had a baby (1m).
issue
My sister is a very difficult person to say the least. She kind of has self-serving, possibly narcissistic tendencies. so of course like a week before Christmas when I playfully mentioned moving back and taking my room, she had a mini fit. She made up reasonings like me not paying rent, displacing my nephew, and even try to convince my brother that all three of us couldn’t possibly live in the same house. I let it go because I didn’t have plans to move back that quickly anyways and didn’t want to deal with her drama at the time.
Now I’m ready to move back. I’ve told my brother he has no issue with it and I was preparing to tell my sister.
I went over there the other day to talk to her, but just my brother was there and I basically said that my only hard rule that would change things is that her baby daddy (40 something m) couldn’t be in the house by himself when I’m there.
Previously during one of my visits he came in unannounced, I didn’t it still don’t really know him, and I had no way of expecting him. At the time I was really freaked out because I was getting out the shower and see a big grown man walking through the house. I asked my sister if she can make sure he didn’t come by like that and she basically said I was lying about him being there.
anyways eventually, my sister came home after me and my brother talked and he just said that I’d be moving back and stated my rule. She had no response for me other than "he wants to take care of the baby more" and I even still asked if she wanted to discuss anything and she said no. I left and thought that was that.
But then 30 minutes later my brother called to tell me that she thinks that me and my brother are having secret conversations without her and however, much money I pay in rent she’s gonna stop paying so she can move out. although she hasn’t said it and it’s against some pre-established rules I’m pretty sure she’s trying to get her boyfriend to move in to the house too and is pretty aware that I wouldn’t really be OK with that.
I just wanna know if my move and rule is overstepping because I am maybe "interrupting a system that works". I would also appreciate any advice.
edit: just to be clear I mean when there is literally nobody other than me and him in the house. If he’s watching the baby that’s fine with me because at least he’s occupied with something that might require him to be at the house. from the way, I see it he lives elsewhere and anything else can be taken care of at his own home.
edit2: he hasn’t watched the baby on his own ever. either one of the babies grandparents took care of him or my sister did. according to my sister as of recently he expressed wanting to start caring for the baby on his own at the house (told me after we told her about it the rule) but when I asked to have a conversation abt things she said no.
NTA. It’s time to sell the house and take your third. You have every right to live there or take your third.
And if they are all 3 legal owners, any one of them can go to court and force a partition sale. If the others don’t want to sell, they can be forced to.
They cannot be forced to sell, they can be forced to EITHER sell, OR buy out the other’s equity.
i dont think i can do that (take a third) cause it’s in my mothers trust not just outright given. but idk the legality of things technically speaking.
You need to find out by contacting g the administrator of the trust or having a lawyer look over the trust documents.
You should live elsewhere and ask your siblings to pay you small rent for using your share of the house. nah
YTA
I don’t think you are an asshole, I do think you are massively overreacting and being really difficult, which is ironic given you claim that about your sister.
Let me see if I understand this- you did \*not\* live in this house at the time, were there (again you didn’t live there, you say you were “visiting”, correct?) when he came by unannounced to \*you\* and startled you. From this, you decide to make a “rule” that he’s not allowed in the house by himself while you are there. Ok…yeah, this makes no sense, to be blunt. First of all, why did you not say “once I move in, we \*all\* need to let others know if friends/partners/whoever is coming by before they arrive. Baby daddy x needs to either text me or you (sister) need to if he is coming by to see \*his\* baby”? Any reason why you couldn’t say this? Any reason at all? Because frankly what you seem to be holding against him doesn’t say anything bad about him at all. Why would he have “announced” himself to you if he didn’t know you were there *because you didn’t live there and were just visiting?*
I think your rule is not justified, I think you’ve decided to be quite aggressive for unknown reasons, which does not bode well for living with other people, and that you should try speaking to this man, getting to know him, and speaking to your sister so you can come to an agreement that you \*all\* feel comfortable with instead of you proclaiming “rules” as fiat. It’s a really bad look, OP. I don’t think asshole move, but a ridiculous overreaction to something that wasn’t malicious and sounds like a complete accident.
ETA: Changed judgment based on realizing that OP is banning this man from being there to babysit HIS child when mom is not there. Yes, you are disrupting childcare, OP. If you want notice he will be there to watch his child or just simply there for any reason, that is one thing. But, to make up a “rule” that he can’t be in the home is child is in because of a situation (already addressed above) that was not his fault is an asshole move. And unnecessary. And, it’s not your sister who is “difficult”, it’s you in this situation.
I agree. From the title, I was expecting her to say he made a pass at her, deals drugs out of the house, is an alcoholic or something along those lines. But all he did was walk in the house? A house he obviously feels comfortable in because he spends more time there than OP does. I can understand talking about accommodations to suit everyone when she moves in. But she is coming in making demands to people who have an everyday life and understanding that works for them. She is TELLING them to make drastic changes to their daily life for HER to move in instead of asking for a rational discussion of what will work for all of them. And proceeds to call her sister difficult.
Yeah, I changed my judgment after thinking more about it and paying more attention to what he is doing in the house…taking care of his child!! I hope OP is prepared for this same kind of “rule” being applied to her and her friends/significant others.
If OP had made a reasonable request to be alerted in advance that would be one thing, but yep, I agree with you, she’s making unreasonable demands and not even having a conversation first…
I would argue that someone who doesn’t live there shouldn’t be there when their host isn’t there. Oof was away at college, not moved out forever
I definitely understand what you are saying about the host being there when the company comes over. But there are plenty of couples where one is very comfortable and welcome to come in and out of the house. They even exchange keys. Sister and baby daddy seem to have that kind of relationship. Brother lives there and doesn’t seem to mind. Now if OP lived there already and wasn’t comfortable with that, I would back her up. But she doesn’t live there. Which is why they need to sit down and have this discussion for what makes them all comfortable when she does move in.
Is baby home alone?
Why isnt baby daddy providing a home for baby mamma and baby?
Who’s watching the baby when baby mama and baby daddy aren’t there? Isn’t baby daddy grown enough to take baby to his house?