so i have had a lot of social anxiety in the past, lately i have been becoming wayy more social which has been a really big change on my part. i just came back to school and have new roommates which i am really making a connection with. i feel overly protective of them because this is the first time i feel really safe and have a good relationship with my roommates. my best friend who i did/do everything with is more extroverted than me, and i felt multiple times like i was in her shadow in the past, especially in a group setting. i’m scared of introducing her to my new friends, it’s sort of like i want to keep them to myself. i don’t want to feel insecure or like she’s “stealing my attention”. i know it’s something i have to work on and im projecting a bit. but this insecurity also comes from comments my best friend made in the past about how i struggled with talking. it’s taken me a long time to get over these comments and it changed our dynamic a bit. i also feel bad to exclude her because she has always asked me to go with her anywhere that involves other people. i’m just not sure how to proceed from now on.
Purposefully not introducing your best friend to your new roommates so you can ‘keep them to yourself’ is just plain weird. That will not help your social anxiety in anyway, it’ll just continue to harm it.
Odd scenario, but yeah it would make YTA.
Some people are more introverted than others. OP struggles more with talking and has finally formed a good connection with her new friends. For someone very extroverted like her best friend, all it does is take her simply walking in the room and speaking to be the center of attention. She may not even be “seeking” it. People just tend to interact with things that are actively happening, ya know, like talking. And then they realize that OP’s friend is more their “speed” in terms of social compatibility. It’s a very valid fear.
She is NTA.
As someone who struggles with social anxiety I totally get it! You want to protect the friendship you are fostering with your roommates. It is especially hard when you feel like there is an inequality in the social skills between you and your best friend. If you two are truly friends, then it will be ok if you introduce her to them. You won’t get left behind. But if you feel as though she will “steal” your friends or something similar, then rethink the friendship. NAH based on the info given!
It’s ok to have different friend groups 🙂
But those worries need checking in on OP, that’s insecurity and social anxiety hitting.
People love people for different reasons, her personality may shine in a spotlight in group setting, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have your own shine and glimmer. <3
The MBIT test is a great example of this.
Good luck OP
you’re just protecting your peace and finally getting to be the main character in your own life. Nta
NTA at all 💜
Even though I was very extroverted growing up, I wasn’t **great** at making friends when I got older. All the way through middle school, I had a tonnnn of friends, but then people drift apart, ya know?
Sooo, when I met one of my best friends right at the start of college, I was so glad 🥹 I basically hung out with her non-stop. Then I was lucky enough to make some acquaintances/ friends in my classes, so I hung out with some of them too. My first thought was **not** that it was necessary to introduce those friends to each other. I wasn’t trying to really hide anybody, I just really liked the dynamic there was with different people. My best friend and I also had polar opposite majors lol. My best friend did meet my other friends later though, and all was good 🥰💜
I wishhh I could say the same for back in high school, though. And yes I know, that was high school, but it stands. I had a best friend growing up that I’d known since I was 2 years old. We were always together even up until our senior year. We’ll I **did** make the terrible mistake of introducing her to another close friend of mine, and she was obsessed. All the sudden, I did not exist anymore. Since graduation 15 years ago, I have probably spoken to her 3-5 times. So that’s how that went.
I’m not trying to feed into your fears, OP! Just letting you know that I completely understand your feelings and why you’re protective of your new friends 💜 In my opinion, introduction might be best once you have a close, established relationship with those friends. When it’s early on, people are susceptible to change much easier. With time comes bonding and shared memories. You are NTA, you’re just having separate friend groups. There is nothing wrong with that. (Sorry for my rant haha omggg)