I (19M) and my girlfriend (20F) were invited to attend my cousins wedding. Originally she was unsure on if she could go as she has finals the same week of the wedding and she wanted to be able to study. I was fully ok with this and understood her position, and was fully ok if she did not attend. Her and her parents however talked about it and she decided she would go. We both go to the same college, she has a car and I do not. Despite it being her car, I was gonna drive to the wedding so that she could study in the car. We RSVP’d for the wedding 2 months ago, and the wedding is in 3 days. She is just now telling me however that she doesn’t want to go as she is nervous about finals. I understand being nervous about finals as I have them as well. I told her however, that it is too late to not go as her not going creates problems. If the only thing her not coming affected was her attendance, then I would support her not going so she can study. However, her not going causes me to not have a way to the wedding, and now I have to find a way there within the next 3 days. This will most likely cause either my parents or siblings to take off work/ school so that they can pick me up. She is saying that she felt very pressured to go and never wanted to, to begin with. I told her that I understand and feel for her situation, but at this point, it’s too late to change anything, and she should’ve been more transparent about not wanting to go in the beginning. She now is upset with me and won’t respond to my texts. I feel I am not the a**hole as we RSVP’d so long ago, and bringing up these concerns so close to the wedding is inconsiderate in my opinion. But please, put me in my place if I’m the a**hole.
TLDR: My girlfriend doesn’t want to go to a wedding that’s in 3 days and it creates multiple problems for me and my family
NAH, dont pressure her to go and three days is still a long enough time to figure out your ride to the wedding.
My main issue is just that she is canceling so soon before the wedding and didn’t bring up any of these concerns the past 2 months
yes but things happen. also you guys are 20, she’s allowed to make a mistake. it sounds like she felt pressured and agreed to something she was uncomfortable with. her going will make it a miserable time for both of you. you’re allowed to be upset, but you can’t force her to go
NAH – Sounds like she wasn’t super jazzed but acquiesced to you and then, as finals approached, she realized she needed (or wanted) more time to study.
Can you just borrow her car to go since she shouldn’t need it as she will be studying for finals?
NTA. But if you can find another way to the wedding, go with that. Especially if you would have needed a ride with your parents or sibling if she wasn’t going to go in the first place. She needs to learn how to say no to things she doesn’t want to do, and I can see why you’d be annoyed. But there’s nothing to gained by forcing her to go at this point.
Look you are both young and figuring things out. She is not wrong in not wanting to go…and you are not wrong in being a bit upset about it….but as you guys are so young you did not think of plan B. You are co-dependent on her for travelling.
In my relationship we have the rule: you never have to go if you don’t want to..even if it is last minute…and we both have our own transportation. This occasion is a lesson for how you agree on stuff in the future and how you, when the other suddenly does not want to go, have a back up plan. ESH
NTA. Does your girlfriend have social anxiety? Is she maybe scared to meet your entire family?