I feel I need to share that this is not the first scenario of this and we have already gone multiple places they have. Anyways he has mentioned wanting to go to this landmark of sorts multiple times, the first couple times I did not mention my distain for the idea. The 3rd time of this location being brought up, I said something along the lines of “didn’t you go here with her?” Which I will admit is not the right way of bringing things up but it did lead to a mature conversation. I thought that was the end of it but today after his therapy session he mentioned that his therapist asked what he wanted to do for his birthday and this location came up. He explained that I was upset about it because he went there with his ex and she said I was being unnecessarily aggressive about the situation. This obviously upset me and I said I felt that I had a right to be upset about that and the conversation went nowhere fast. I’m honestly willing to accept that I’m being anxious for no reason but I’m curious to hear your thoughts.
YTA. Grow up
You are allowed to be upset but it’s not that deep babes maybe he thought you would enjoy these places as much as he does your the one he’s bringing
YTA. It’s the thought that counts.
What sort of places are these? Landmarks? Beauty spots?
Maybe he just likes the places and wants to share them with you too.
YTA
Yta. Will you never go to the grocery store because his ex also went to the grocery store? Grow up
It feels like age matters here. You sound 15. And as a 15 year old, it can be difficult having big feelings but you cant ban everywhere because hes been with someone before.
If you’re infact NOT 15 and are an adult, then YTA and get over it. What a childish line to draw. People do things with people they’ve dated before. That doesnt mean they’re not allowed to do them anymore. Your jealousy is making you irrational and a little bit emotionally manipulative with the crying “im allowed to be upset about this”. Just, why?
YTA. Maybe a soft YTA, but yeah.
It’s just a place. Before you pick a restaurant, do you ask your boyfriend if he’s ever gone on a date with someone else to all of the possible options before making your choice? What about concert venues? Or movie theatres? Or hell, before you put a movie on do you ask him if he watched it with another girl before?
No. That would be crazy. This is just an extension of that. You’re allowed to feel what you feel but this is a dumb reason to feel that.
He wants to go this place because be likes it there and because he likes you and he wants to share it with you. He’s not thinking about his ex. Only you are.
Is this place something he likes and would like it regardless of his ex? I was married for around 11 years. I have my favorite places to eat in the city where I live. I also have some favorite activities to do. I was married for a while, so naturally I went to these places with my ex many times. Now I’m single but guess what I still go to those places on dates with a new guy. I just like those things, it has nothing to do with my ex.
However, you say you have been to other places your bf and his ex have been. Why is this place different? Does he talk about his ex all the time? As it sounds right now YTA, and this is just one of his fav places.
YTA. What do you think the problem is with going to these locations? You could even frame it in a way that he wants to replace the memory and association between a place he likes, but with someone he doesn’t, to being with you, a person he wants to be with, in those places he enjoys.
YTA because there’s lots of places people still enjoy going to that they have been to with exes.
One thing you can do is for you birthday ask to go somewhere neither of you have been before so you get to explore something new together for the first time.
YTA- This sounds beyond immature. I hope you start therapy for your insecurities because wow
YTA.
It sounds like a place he likes. Why does it matter if he also went with his ex? yeah, of course he has. We take people we care about to places we like. That is normal.
Why is it so important to you to avoid any place he has been with an ex?
Does he talk about these places or memories a lot? Is he somehow hung up on them, or do they hold significant meaning to him which has you feeling a certain way?
Avoiding special restaurants or such could make sense if they celebrated specific things there etc but after a while, the question of how jealous you can be about places does become an issue.
So is this a him problem or is this something you need to work on?
How much avoidance can you have in your life if your stance is that you won’t do anything or go anywhere that your SO has been to with an ex.