I planned a last-minute 4-day trip. My usual cat sitter was unavailable because of the holidays, so I asked a close friend of 10+ years if she could check on my cats, she lives 20 mins away from my place. I made it very clear at least three times that she could say no and I would cancel the trip if needed. She repeatedly reassured me that it was absolutely fine, that she wanted me to travel and have fun, and that I shouldn’t worry.
For context, we’ve been friends a long time. I’ve been the only consistent friend in her life, especially during hard times. During her sudden divorce after a week of marriage, she stayed with me for over a week, I pampered her like a princess, covered all outings and meals, listened to her vent constantly, and fully supported her. She often calls me with problems and I always listen and show up. I mention this only to explain why I trusted her and felt safe asking.
I told her she didn’t need to come daily, just two days, since I’d be back on the last day. I have 8+ cameras, automatic feeders, over 10 bowls of extra dry food, +14 water bowls, and a water fountain. “I have 4 cats”
Later I realized I miscalculated and asked if she could do 3 days instead. She hesitated and said, “ok, but then you must travel with me next summer.” That felt transactional, so I told her that’s irrelevant and that she didn’t have to do three days and that I would come back earlier instead.
First visit was about 5 minutes. She called me multiple times to report that one cat threw up a hairball, which is normal, took photos of every vomit spot, and left. Second visit was about 15 minutes, she played with them a bit, texted that the litter box started smelling, and left.
I didn’t explicitly say “please scoop the litter box”, I only asked her to check if it smelled and explained how the water fountain works.
When I came back, the house was a mess. Vomit was left in multiple places, the litter boxes were never cleaned, and most concerning, the regular water bowls that my cats prefer were completely empty. Only the fountain had been topped up.
She is not inexperienced with pets and has helped with one kitten before, so this felt less like ignorance and more like reluctant, bare-minimum effort.
I also bought her some gifts from my trip like I always do, but now I honestly don’t even feel like giving them or continuing the friendship.
AITA?
“For the record, I did call her and give instructions on where the food is and everything else, not that I needed to, she stayed at my place many many times and I emphasized on the fact that if it was too much it would have been absolutely fine with me and I meant it + I can’t offer to pay her like I do with the cat sitter “around 180$ a day” as it would be extremely insulting in our culture, I don’t mind doing so at all, in fact I wanted to, but she would be extremely offended, friends don’t pay friends in our culture no matter what, we gift like crazy, we take them out for dinner, but never cash. Also, the cat vomit was just hairball, I do care so much for my cats, I take them to the vet for regular check ups even when there’s nothing to worry about, they’re my babies, not just cats, and my friend has experience with cats, but I do think it was my fault for not being very explicit with what I’m expecting, and I wouldn’t end the friendship for this one incident but I guess it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
NTA. Tbh I’d be reconsidering the friendship too. I wouldn’t think much of someone who would leave an animal they agreed to check in on with a filthy litter box and vomit left on the floor, and leaving the preferred bowls empty. I have cats, these things don’t take a lot of time to do lol It takes less than 10 minutes of my day to do feed them, change their water, and scoop their litter. Cleaning up a hairball or vomit takes like 30 seconds lol, these are really bare minimum tasks if you’ve agreed to check in on someone’s pets.
Why are your cats vomiting so much? You really need to look into this. The occasional hairball is normal, but this sounds worse.
YTA. You just said check on them. Did you explain every task that was expected? I have fed and watered a cat for a neighbour for the weekend and they explained exactly what food to feed him. They even asked me to stroke him as he fed (he likes it 😄), which I did, and brush him. Luckily, like most British cats, he was an outdoor cat and just used the cat flap to go outside to do his business. I would never have agreed to clean a cat litter tray. Cat faeces are disgusting 🤮. I am not surprised your friend wouldn’t touch it. I agree the water bowls should have been topped up.
It surprises me too tbh because I grew up on a farm and having cats or dogs inside was considered “dirty” to my family. We had to deal with the nitty gritty of animals, and my family firmly believed animals are to be kept outside. Things such as extreme heat or cold would warrant the animal to be inside, but only in the mud room. That was the “dirty room”, the entrance from outside to inside, where we’d take off our muddy boots and dirty gear and then another door that would lead into the main house. The dogs had a crate in there and the cat had a bed up high away from the dogs. Litter box was almost always clean because she preferred the outdoors. There were times we wondered if the cat was still alive, but we’d always find her in a place like hay bails in the barn loft. I live in a city now and I still can’t imagine living with an animal (no matter how they are trained or how sweet they may be). One of our dogs was my Dad’s best friend, our beloved Rusty, but he wouldn’t let him in the house. Our mother used to say “inside is for humans, outside is for animals”. I mean, before domestication, every animal survived outside lol idk my opinion doesn’t matter much cause I’m not a pet person lol but I should say the dogs had a proper area for night time and rainy days etc, they weren’t left outside in the elements chained to a tree kinda thing. But it still surprises me even when people allow their dogs to be in the bed for example.
If someone asked to check in on their cats I’d be more surprised because they’re pretty independent. Maybe I’m just dumb but wouldn’t they be fine for like a week if there’s enough water and food and maybe 2 litter boxes? Is that considered neglect?
My opinion doesn’t count I feel like cause I have no pets and never plan to lol
> I would never have agreed to clean a cat litter tray
The friend *didn’t* agree to that. OP explicitly left that out of the request that the friend agreed to, which I don’t think is an accident at all, and expected the friend to just do that thing that she had never agreed to.
YTA
Cats can be left a week with the proper setup. You need to get better water fountains with reservoirs and have extra litter boxes for when you are gone.
Or PAY a sitter for their time to meet your standards.
no, just no.
ESH.
You, for not communicating clearly as to what you expect her to do. There’s a big difference between checking on something and actually taking care of it. Did she even know where the cat food or cleaning supplies are? Was she paid/had gas money returned to her? Also, it’s very shitty of you to say “nope” to your close friend’s suggestion of hanging out during the summer.
Her, for not doing the obvious – if there’s vomit on the floor, there’s no world in which you would leave it be. Even a quick scoop with a wet paper towel would’ve been fine.
YTA It sounds like she did exactly what you asked her too? Maybe that’s just my autism knocking…
YTA. When we go away, we leave detailed written instructions on what our cat does/doesn’t need, even for friends who know the cat and have looked after her before. (As they have lives and full-time jobs, I don’t ask them to do more than short check-ins to top up food and water, and empty the tray if needed. I don’t expect anyone but me to clean up vomit!)
It sounds like she did what you asked her to do; if you wanted more, you should have said that up front.
It’s weird to get angry with someone for not doing things you didn’t ask them to do.
NTA
for other people – what could be unclear about a request to check the cats? It seems to me that even a fool can understand that this request means feeding/cleaning, as a basic minimum. and considering that the OP emphasized that the cats have automatic feeders, there was no problem cleaning up after the cats
once, I was the person who asked to take care of the cat and LOL of course I meant feed/clean it, no one even clarified because it was OBVIOUS
YTA.
As someone who used to catsit for friends, YTA.
You dumped the responsibility on her last minute, asked her to take an hour out of her day several days in a row during the holidays when we all have stuff yo do with friends and family (like you did) and then were upset that she didn’t clean up your house or fill the cats’ favourite water bowls or stay longer to play with them without giving her clear expectations.
When I catsat for a friend with very particular way she wanted the cats taken care of, she would write them down. She asked me to scoop out the litterbox daily and told me where the stuff to do it was. She showed me exactly how much food to give her pets and which water bowls to fill up.
Your friend’s job was to make sure the cats had water and food and that they were in good shape. You and them can survive the litter box not being scooped for a few days and what you described as a few coughed-up furballs on the floor at the start, but then said it was vomit all over. It would have been nice if she cleaned it, yes. But she was already doing you a not insignificant favor.
If you have a standard of care for your pets, you need to make it clear to the petsitter or else you don’t get to complain about what they did or didn’t do.