My wife(F28) has a friend (F28) who we both know from high school I (M28)never really talk to her much but wife and her were closer back then and just started hanging out with each other again a couple of years ago and only about once every couple of months do they hang out or when we go out with a group of friends for a social event.
My wife’s friend who we will just call Jacquelyn (not her real name) is someone who is never serious and will never miss the opportunity to make fun of others mistakes especially my own for example I once mispronounced a word in which I corrected myself, obviously people usually laugh about those things with each other briefly in this case she went on about it the whole night while also picking at other small things to ridicule this happens usually every time we’re all together. She won’t make fun of my wife she obviously has more respect for be her. I find it exhausting to be around her and I’ve expressed my feelings to my wife and that I would not like to be around her.
My wife pleads for her case saying “she is a single mom of two whose been in an abusive relationship and she has no friends and I like her” but my wife ultimately understands and doesn’t expect me to hang out with them. This morning my wife and I planed to go to the gym together even though we were gonna work out separately since she wanted to do shoulder and I wanted to do legs. She then tells me that Jacquelyn is going with her I get upset because we were supposed to go together she goes on to say that I’m being controlling which maybe I was because I just wanted it to be me and her so I just backed off from the argument stubbornly and tell her I’ll just go a little early to avoid Jacquelyn.
During my workout my wife comes up from behind and surprises me with Jacquelyn. Jacquelyn says “Hi” and then proceeded to say “why do you hate me?” I reply “I don’t hate you” my wife then says “omg honey why do you hate her” I feel embarrassed at this point being put on the spot while I’m working out and say “let me get back to working out” at this point I’m really upset with my wife for potentially telling Jacquelyn about our conversation. My wife and I had made a promise with each other before that we would never tell others about our conversations that are controversial about people we knew.
My wife come up to me later without Jacquelyn to ask me what I was doing I immediately ask her “what did you tell her” she replies “I told her that John(me in this case) doesn’t think you like him” which I don’t know If I believe. I tell her that you don’t tell her our conversations that’s between you and me she then throws out that I’m being controlling again and that I do not dictate what she tells her friends that’s when I just get upset and leave the gym because at this point I decide that I don’t want to fight in the middle of the gym and now I’m writing this for some sense of advice whether it’s just me and I need to be more mature about it or how I should navigate it better.
She ridicules you because your wife trashes you to her behind your back probably cheating too.
That’s why it’s happening trust me.
NTA, this other woman is making fun of you and your wife doesn’t have your back. The minute my husband tells me something bothers him, I would be immediately nipping that in the bud. Not ok behavior from her. And rather than maybe trying to get the friend to back off with the ridicule, they instead gang up on you together? Even worse
NTA, your wife is a byatch
It sounds like your wife doesn’t like or respect you, tbh. Are there other times that she shares your private conversations with people who actively dislike you?
NTA, I can’t imagine being friends with someone who is always mean to my spouse.
The next time J asks why you hate her, please feel free to just tell her. In plain English.
“I don’t hate you, I think you’re annoying and unpleasant to spend time with. My wife needs better taste in friends.”
Then you’ll be done with it because she’ll never want to see you again either. Problem solved.
NTA
I don’t know how this relationship survives though. Your wife doesn’t care about or respect you.
NTA tell your wife you want marital counseling to work on respect issues. Because insisting on bringing in a friend who ridicules your spouse and telling that friend what your spouse tells you is not respectful. Or tell your wife the next time you see Jacquelyn you’ll tell her that you’ve thought it over and you do dislike her because she’s rude and a boor. Then you’ll walk away.
Your wife is the problem here bud . I can see why Jacquelyn has no friends , she’s a AH and so is your wife . That’s why get along
Your wife is definitely the AH. And so is her friend. Expecting someone to hold to an agreement they made with you is literally the bare minimum. And the fact that she went and told the friend about your conversation is blatant disrespect. And if you don’t already know? “I told her that OP doesn’t think you like him” is a flat out lie. She told her everything. Otherwise, the first question wouldn’t have been “why do you hate me?”
I’d submit that the friend is trying to undermine you in order to be more important to your wife.
Sounds to me like Jacquelyn has your wife’s ear and is shit talking you to her.
NTA.
Your wife is an AH, she’s just gaslighting you by telling you you’re controlling. She doesn’t respect you. She cares more about feelings of Jacqueline than yours.
So now you know where her priorities lie.