I (21M) have anger issues. It is something I try to work on and I have safety in place to try and keep me from getting irrationally angry as my anger issues have caused me to say horrible things to people i care about and i do not enjoy it. I have kept my anger in check for the better part of 4 years. My friend Ralph (21M) and I had a fight over this a few months back where he was egging me on and i asking him to stop but he thought it was just a good bit of fun and didnt and i ended up getting too mad and blowing up. Later on, I explained about my issues and i apologized for blowing up and it seemed we had come to an understanding that if i am seriously asking him to stop something that is setting me off, then he will. I really don’t get set off from small stuff or little annoyances, i have gotten good at dealing and mitigating that. However, I was pretty annoyed at a game i was playing but i was handling it and trying to use my safety nets to keep me from getting set off. Deep breaths, chill music, light fan, window open, not talking, and mentally focusing on staying calm. Ralph joins the Discord call I was in and hears i am annoyed at the game and says "do you enjoy being mad at the game all the time?". In a very annoyed tone, i responded "obviously not, what kind of question is that" and i mentally notice i am moving toward being an asshole for no reason and i need to stoop it. Ralph says again, "well genuinely tho, there is no way you actually enjoy being that mad in this game" i could feel my anger start to boil because doing things like repeating myself and getting misinterpreted are things that can annoy me and since i was already annoyed, a nudge in the wrong direction and i could have a problematic outburst. I try to communicate to him that im being egged on and im getting annoyed by telling him that no i dont enjoy it, that im also not mad like that all the time, and to stop asking. I thought that he understood what was going on because of last time but he kept asking it over and over again as if he wanted me to just say the game was bad or something. I put my foot down and go "if you keep going i am going to leave" so i could isolate and calm down. he then ignores that and does it again so i leave.
This is the second time he has pushed me to this point and the only other time was where i thought we worked things out and he is the only one who pushes there. He is now refusing to apologize, telling me that i am projecting for saying he wasnt stopping when i was trying to seriously ask him to, and telling me to grow up and that i was throwing a tantrum for leaving. He also said he can "share his opinion if he wants to" and im controlling and egotistical for asking to stop doing something that was setting me off.
I do understand that my anger issues and what I say when im angry is my responsibility, i am working on it still and i apologized for the outburst i had, but am i the asshole for trying to get Ralph to stop asking me if I enjoy getting mad and leaving when he wouldnt?