hello! 24F here. my father passed away in december. my nino passed away a week ago and my grandmother passed away this weekend. it’s been a really rough season.
i have 2 half-siblings (brother 30, sister 40) w diff moms. years ago, my dad became incapacitated. my sister held POA/healthcare for a while and it’s rumored w my family she took his money. eventually, my tia and tios took over, and last year he was placed under the public guardian
when my dad passed, it came time to plan the funeral. my brother wasn’t v involved. my sister and i began discussing logistics. she didn’t want a go fund me (my dad had no $ bc all medical debt). as i am 24, i don’t have $10k to drop out of my ass. so i did it anyways and raised enough to cover it.
i did all the work. my dad was retired SWAT and it was gonna be large scale event. every phone call, text, email, visit, i did. she didnt help at all. the one thing i needed her to do was call funeral home (only she got the #) to find out when we can pick up ashes/death certs. she told me “oh text me in the AM to do it.” then i said send me the # i’ll call myself. she said “oh text me at 2 to send it.” my sister just ordered me from the sidelines to do what she wanted. ie. she didn’t want flowers (my dad loved landscaping), said people can stand. she didn’t want my cousins or tia/tios to speak bc she has beef w them. i did my best to loop in my siblings as much as possible. my brother was fine w everything and my sister kept saying not to spend the $ to save the $. ie i wanted to serve cannolis bc my dad loved italy and do italian sandwiches, she said no
my dad died b4 christmas, thus it was hard to reach vendors. my sister demanded the date be 2 weeks after new years bc her husband had a ski trip and my brother was in town that week. no venues were working out and i was so stressed and she was like well just get subway sandwiches the morning of. it was a mess. i put my foot down to move the services a month back so i had time to do everything because i was the one doing it all by myself and stressed
what blew up is i got a mariachi. my dad loved mariachis & it’s in our culture to have at funerals. my sister got livid and said we never agreed to this and that wasn’t our dad and it was important to her and i needed to cancel it. i said our dad loved mariachis, went to concerts and festivals w mariachis? i told her ive planned this top to bottom and it’s not up for discussion and they are staying
she told me im not honoring him, that we agreed we’d all make decisions together, she’s disappointed. the day of the funeral she left as soon as mariachis came (at reception). all over her fb post says “we” for planning it lol. she refused to talk to me at the funeral and sent her son to talk to me the day of. my brother and other family members said dad loved mariachis and and everyone complimented them at the service asking for their business cards
so tell me. AITA for booking a mariachi for my dad’s funeral?
NTA
Mariachis meant a great deal to your dad and what a wonderful way to celebrate him.
My condolences to you and your family for your losses xx
TL;DR Dad loves mariachis, daughter booked mariachi band for funeral.
NTA
It’s for your dad. It’s in your culture. It’s your dad’s funeral. NTA
You didn’t get the Italian food. So you got the Mariachi. That’s a lovely sentiment. You did all the planning. Absent sister took the partial credit. She had no reason to act this way. (Sending her son? Leaving early? Childish)
You did great.
• Final Verdict: **N T A**
NTA. A tale that is as old as time is that the sibling who puts the least amount of effort into looking after a parent is the same one who tries to take the glory and have the last word on everything post mortem. It is at if they are the one in the casket. Imagine flouncing out of a funeral over that.
At least you won’t have to see her again now.
Condolences to you and your family, NTA. You did great
NTA. I’m Mexican and mariachi’s at a funeral are the norm. This was a moment to honor your dad and his life, and you did just that. I had a playlist going of all my dad’s favorite music at his viewing. It ranged from classic rock to tejano and country because that’s who he was and it was our last moments with him. Based on what you’ve said here, your sister made the entire event about herself while not even contributing to it. It wasn’t about him for her, it was about showing off for her socials. YOU honored your dad. I hope you find peace in that. From one fatherless daughter to another – I am so sorry for your loss.
NTA
I’m an Aussie, years ago at a funeral, I told my daughter when it’s my time I want a Mariachi band! She laughed but hasn’t forgotten! NTA