My dad and I are very much into rugby. We attend lots of games together and support mostly the same teams.
My dad is Scottish. He was born and raised in Glasgow but has lived in England since he was in his early 20s.
He is VERY passionate about rugby and, as most Scotland/Ireland/Wales fans are, is deeply anti the English rugby team. Anyone who is a rugby fan in the UK rn knows the Six Nations tournament is happening right now and the Scotland v England match for the Calcutta Cup was yesterday. Scotland won, which he was obviously happy about.
However, when we got home, he started to go on rants about the English and how all English people are sore losers, how much he hates the English etc.
His rants about this are getting less and less rugby based and he’s recently been getting more aggressive in his hatred for the English. He suggests that all English people are aggressive and racist and miserable. He says some really nasty stuff.
Yesterday I hit my boiling point with it. I am English. His wife is English. My mother (seperated) is English. His ex-fiancee from many years ago is English. HE LIVES IN ENGLAND.
(I jokingly remind him whenever he gets like this that I am his child and I am English and he says things like "but you’re half Scottish" and brings up his wife’s Scottish heritage too.)
So I, initially calmly, told him yesterday how uncomfortable it makes me when he says he hates the English as I was born and raised here. Again, he brought up that I am half Scottish because of him and I said that I don’t like that he "justifies" me by saying I’m not completely English, like I should be ashamed of that.
Yes, there’s a lot of garbage going on in this country at the moment but that’s unrelated to this and I firmly disagree with it all.
He flipped out, saying I was ruining a happy day for him bc Scotland had won the rugby and I might have been the asshole when I said "you’re not that happy because all you’ve done is moan about the English rather than enjoy the win".
He told me to leave (less politely than that though) and so I did. Should I reach out and apologise or should I let him? I feel frustrated and I don’t want to apologise for being English when it was his choice to live here, and raise me here.
NTA, I support whoever England are playing in rugby because I’m legally required to do so as the member of a Celtic nation but yeah, my partner is English, my kids are half English and living in England and your Dad is spouting some fairly racist clap trap. Tell him he sounds Reform voter levels of bigoted and that it’s not cool. England has an awful history with the Celtic nations (and wider world) but that’s not actually the fault of the English rugby team….
It’s also not the fault of 99% of English people, and is much more to do with the extremely wealthy powerful people who were the decision makers who benefit from stirring nationalist hatred between average people so, rather than directing their anger at the rich, they ‘other’ one another and can be manipulated.
100% NTA and don’t apologise, being xenophobic is nasty, and he is doing it towards his own family. That shit is sick.
I’m Scottish, this need to blame others for our issues is pathetic.
NTA. It would get pretty fucken old quick.
My grandmother was a Scott who married an Englishman. She used to have digs at the English often and really got riled up if you called a famous Scottish celeb English.
However it was always in jest. Gramps would give it back to her about being a Scott just as hard.
Your dad sounds like he’s got issues.
I am also English (British, obvs, but to make my point, technically English) and I disagree with others calling your dads rant racist. For me it’s like the rule of comedy where it’s only funny if you’re punching up – not punching down. I.e. take the piss out of a group that is more powerful than you and it’s funny. Less powerful and you’re a bully. Historically your dad does have a right to dislike the English as a whole. Politically too. He clearly doesn’t think individual English people suck or he wouldn’t keep choosing them as romantic partners, but he’s clearly expressing anger here that he has a right to feel, albeit he’s unable to express it in a calm way. The way he’s talking to you does make him a bit the AH but my overall judgement would be NAH. You don’t have to apologise to your dad – but if you’re not already educated on the many ways the English have fucked over Scotland and Ireland over the last few hundred years, it might be worth it as a small peace offering to him. Share some of your more obscure knowledge and you might find a new dynamic to your relationship. Historic injustice does affect present day circumstances, and as an English person it’s good to at least acknowledge that.
I think the problem is conflating the English ruling class with all English people. I have heard the saying ‘For England to colonise the world, they first had to colonise the English.’
You wanna rag on the aristocracy and I’ll join you, fuck them. You want to rant about all English people then let’s talk about how Scotland was actively involved in and benefitted from the British Empire too.
Calling an entire nation aggressive, racist and miserable while being aggressive, racist and miserable is such a weird projection.
I hate two kinds of people
Those who are intolerant of other peoples cultures, and the Dutch
Nta.
I did something similar with my father in law. He moved to England from Ireland in his late teens. His wife is English. His daughter in law is English, and his kids were born in England. He was having a rant about 800 years of oppression (fair) and then started complaining about the English in general. I pointed out the obvious in a laughing way. His kids thought it was hilarious. He wasn’t too impressed.
The Scotland England match was a cracker. Scotland was brilliant. Ireland are playing shite atm.
NTA – and I say that as a Scottish woman!
Sorry, I just want to clarify a couple things. People have commented about English history and I genuinely agree. We have a horrendous history. We have done terrible, unthinkable things and other nations have a right to resent England as a country for what it has done and what it is still doing and saying. My point is, he lives in England by choice and had a child in England by choice. He is directing hatred AT me at times. I am not my country’s history and I am someone who does work hard in many aspects (in the ways I can) to create more unity within my country and my local area. I can’t undo what was done but I assure anyone who is concerned, I am someone who is trying and always open to suggestions on how to create safe spaces now in the modern day.
Scotland is as culpable as England is some of the bad stuff. Might want to ask your dad to look into why the surname Hamilton is so common in the West Indies.
NTA – “all English people are aggressive and racist and miserable” says an aggressive and racist and miserable Scotsman
NTA for obvious reasons.
Regarding calling the English are rascist comment, Im born and raised in England to Indian parents. I live in Essex and seeing the flags going up everywhere outside my house im feeling less and less English and identifying more as British Indian. He may be starting to feel the same and its spilling over from the 6 nations.