I met my husband 4 years ago, we got married 2 years ago (had a small $2500 wedding on a beach). We have a 2.5 year old and 13 month old twins. Throughout our time together, his parents have rarely offered to pay for anything, which I would normally think is fine as I don’t expect things from others. It’s key to note that they try to pass themselves off as being incredibly rich (expensive cars, always talking about being rich). The only thing they have ever paid for is when we moved away from Texas to Florida, they convinced my husband that if he moved back to Texas he would make more money. They said they would even cover the cost of the move. I reluctantly agreed – although I didn’t want to leave Florida – because I felt pressured by them and my husband. However, on a day-to-day basis since, they have never offered to even buy a can of formula or diapers when they see the kids. When I was 6 months pregnant with the twins and had just bought a house (I put all the money down, my husband contributed nothing), they actually asked me to pay them $2500 a month to reimburse them for the move they claimed they were paying for and for my engagement ring (apparently they did loan money to my husband to buy my ring). I refused, obviously.
Fast forward to now. My husband’s sister is engaged. She and the parents like to talk about how rich her fiancé is. I find it odd that they always like to talk about people being rich. Anyway, she wants a lavish wedding. My MIL and FIL are admittedly spending $100k+ on their part of the wedding. They have also paid for the sister and fiance’s hotels when they traveled to Turkey together. My in-laws claimed it’s because their daughter got them free flights through her job. (Also key to note, their daughter lost her job when I met her and I got her a job at this airline. She would’ve been unemployed and none of them would’ve been flying anywhere free if it weren’t for me.) Considering all of this, I think it’s wild the parents have given literally NOTHING to help my husband and our struggling family with 3 babies, in fact they tried to TAKE money from me, all while they spend $100k+ on the daughter and her fiancé. The mother doesn’t see what’s wrong with this, and says this is what you do with your daughters, not your sons. I told her she’s absolutely insane. AITA?
Don’t say another word. They favor your SIL. Your hubby has been dealing with this his whole life. He can ask them directly for financial help or not. I would keep my mouth shut & let him handle it. It’s not going to change.
NTA. No one owes your or your husband anything, but anyone who says they wouldn’t feel a way about the disparity between how the son is treated vs how the daughter is treated, is full of shit.
Good parents dont treat their kids so unevenly.
His parents don’t sound like they like you or your husband. And the financial differences in how they deal with their son and their daughter pretty much shows they favor her. I’d move back to Florida and go LC or NC with the lot of them. I really dislike parents who treat their kids so differently.
Did the move to Texas make things better for you financially? I’m just wondering if there is resentment for more than just the disparity in how they treat your husband. Why not just leave and move back to Florida?
traditionally, the brides parents pay for the wedding. The grooms parents pay for the rehearsal dinner. That may be why they are paying for the wedding. As far as giving your husband money, maybe there is a history there that you don’t know about. Regardless, it’s their money and they can spend it like they want.
Info: what does the husband think? Like has this always been a thing with her?
Also, I don’t mean this in a judgy way but what’s up with his job? I ask because context would help on the situation. Did he actually make more money than he would have if you stayed or did the COL just outweigh the benefits.
Egh. I think you have a couple things here.
1. It is pretty typical for parents to contribute to the daughter’s wedding. Son’s they may pay for a rehearsal dinner but, if parents have the means they do typically bear the brunt of the wedding costs for their daughter.
2. It’s ok to just not like them as ppl.
3. Are you maybe misdirecting some anger to them but it’s more geared toward your husband? For whatever reasons you’re struggling do you have some hard feelings that he’s not making more and that he didn’t have means to put $ down for the house? That he had to get a loan from his parents to pay for your ring and that he knows how his parents are and isn’t really standing up for his wife? Perfectly ok if you have some hard feelings towards him; no judgment here
Traditionally the parents of the bride pay for the wedding. So if your ILs are traditionalists I can see where they think this is normal (ie if you wanted a lavish wedding your parents should have paid for it because you were the bride).
If wedding related activities are the only thing they are spending extra money on your SIL, then that’s just them being traditional (I don’t agree with it, but I’m not them).
If they are spending money on things not related to the wedding, then this is blatant favouritism.
But nothing you do is going to change it. You can either be quiet about it, accept that is sux and see if it changes over time, or go LC. Arguing with your ILs or feeling resentful is only going to hurt you.
Uh honey, how your in-laws spend their money is none of your business.
You sound very angry, they owe you nothing, quit expecting anything from them, then you won’t be disappointed.
I think it’s a blessing that you don’t owe them anything nor that you have taken much either. Nothing comes for free or unconditionally.
YTA. You’re mother-in-laws finances are none of your business, nor do you have ANY right to be concerned or angry about how she spends her money. If it’s that big of an issue, bring it up to the husband and let him decide how to go about it. It’s HIS mother playing favoritism with HIS sister. Inserting yourself in this is just giving “SIL got a better wedding than I did, and that’s not fair!” It’s childish and self centered, and it’s simply not your place. You and your husbands are adults. If you wanted a lavish wedding, you should’ve gotten good jobs and saved for one. If you struggle providing for three kids, you should’ve considered that prior to having those kids. You’re responsible for yourself. The in laws don’t owe you anything irregardless of what’s fair and what isn’t.
Build your own happiness, don’t expect anything and keep emotional distance. Jealousy and patriarchy combined in laws
ESH
Honestly you have no say in their finances. You need to focus on your immediate family and ignore what they do. Your husband can have a talk with them if he’s bothered by it but it’s truly not any of your business. All you can do is lower contact with them because it doesn’t seem like they contribute anything good for you. YTA. It’s not your place
YTA. Why are you more worried about your in-laws not contributing to your finances than you are about your husband not contributing to your finances?