Eurasian women married to an arabic men, both 30th+ with a baby. Recently my family in law has been cold to my husband reproaching him not to call often to show our baby (he is calling them twice a week for a hour visio) and for not going to ski with them due to his work. He has been very impacted lately, working more to "forget" about it and kind of depressed. I ask him if I can call his parents to explain that he is doing his best as a children but also as company owner and baby new parents but that he lately doesn’t feel good and might need reassuring from them instead of blames (of course didn’t use this word).
He authorized me to call his mum to do so. Things didn’t go as expected. She shouted at me during full 10 minutes that I was the issue, that no one could ever separate her with her son, that my call intended to separate her family, that i was a full stranger to their family and that she must have her grandchild on visio every day. I cried on phone and apologized if i did anything wrong, she kept blaming me until her older daughter stepped in to told me she will explain my good intention to her mum and that i did it right, that they will call my husband to reassure him.
Since, my husband does not believe that his mum could have been agreesive to me. He called his sister to confirm sentences i attributed to his mum which she did. But he doesn’t want to me about it even thought i have been crying all evening. Can’t say to anyone as he doesn’t like to spread family matters outside.
I feel like the villain in the story. Been together 10 years i have been struggling to have my baby and his family make me feel he belongs to them only. Aita to have called ?
By the way relationship between husband and his family improved a lot after this call…
NTA. He is responsible for his mom. They are happier with him because he just showed his family that they can blame you. If they want to see the baby, he gets on the call.
NTA If I was the husband here my mother would never be seeing us or our child again. You have a severe husband problem if this caused his relationship to improve with his mother.
But to answer yes, I don’t feel, at the moment, like to see her ever again even thought I don’t want to deprive my son from his grandparents…
Honestly, you may need to protect your son from his grandmother. At the very least, she is going to bad mouth you in front of him. And if he does something she doesn’t like, will she shout at him for 10 minutes? she does not deserve to see her grandchild at this moment, and maybe ever.
NTA, but your husband is one for putting you in the middle of this. These are his parents, and he can talk to them himself. And are you really sure you want to have kids with a guy who puts his mother at a higher priority than you? You deserve better.
Hey, OP, I’m so sorry this is happening. You deserve to have your husband and in-laws treat you kindly, or at the very least, with respect. You’re NTA at all.
NTA because I think you had good intentions, but you made a huge mistake. You should never try to intervene or solve problems in your husband’s family. That is really up to him. If he has a problem with their demands, he needs to be the one to tell them. I know you were trying to help, but I think you can see now that although this did help your husband, it also put you and his parents at odds and even created tension between you and your husband. It could have been a lot worse too; it’s lucky for you that his sister seems more reasonable and backed you up or else this would have been a much bigger disaster.
Don’t do anything like this again. Your husband is a big boy, he needs to solve his own problems with his family. If he chooses not to, then that’s his decision and he will have to deal with whatever the consequence is for not standing up for himself. If they are being cold and he is sad, then he is sad and he will be sad until he addresses the issue or maybe he will decide to just accept that his family isn’t as close as it used to be. It’s not up to you to fix his sadness. Maybe you made it better for him, but you made it worse for yourself and as you said – now your husband feels like he is in the middle. You did that. You put him in the middle by trying to solve his problems for him.
Yup. It’s easy for husband to say whatever to his parents afterwards – “oh my wife is overstepping” “oh i didn’t say that, she did” “oh i will let her know”. it creates excuses and allows him to hide when he should be communicating directly with his parents like a adult. look, now you lost in this situation and your husband gets to be closer to his family. his mom yelled at you, when if it was your husband that called she would have been more understanding. don’t repeat this mistake. he needs to handle his family. if they want to see their grandkid they can come, or he can call them. don’t get overly involved
Yes you are very right, I wish I could undo everything. I always has been raised as oldest child and tried to manage and solve everyone issue but I realise too late that it is not what I have to do
NTA but wow, your husband is. Thank god for his sister or he would have 100% believed his mother over you.
You’re not allowed to confide in anyone? 🤔
NTA he gave you permission to try, and you tried. If your MIL wants to be mad, oh well, that’s her choice. You and your husband need to focus on yourselves and your life, and stop trying to please everyone else. Let your husband and his sister deal with their mother. You did your best.
For.sure I really wanted to not harm anyone but will I be the asshole if i wish to never see her again alone even if it mean limiting somehow my husband visits to her (not from me but because he says he doesn’t want to hide me)