AITAH for confronting my friends about their overall continued lateness?
Sorry this is long, but I want to give full context.
My wife and I have been friends with another couple for about 15 years. We met just after college and stayed close into adulthood. Over the past few years we noticed a pullback from them in terms of making plans. We were always the ones reaching out. Occasionally they’d even add another friend to plans without asking. One time, when we bought our first home and invited them over for the first time, they randomly said another couple (who we didn’t know) would be coming too, so we canceled and said another time.
Around the same period, they became consistently late. It started as 20 minutes and slowly became an hour or more every time. They even once kept my pregnant wife and me waiting at a restaurant for an hour, where no one could be seated till all guests arrived. We mentioned timing politely over the years, but always let it go.
After we had our child, this became more stressful. A planned 2pm lunch would regularly turn into 3–3:30, throwing off our kid’s eating schedule. We brought it up gently more than once, but nothing changed.
Over the past year, every time I tried to hang out one-on-one with the husband, he’d be at least an hour late or would text shortly before saying work came up and he’d “let me know,” then never follow up. It started to feel disrespectful, so I stopped making the effort.
About 8 months ago we invited them over for lunch. Both wives were pregnant at this point. Lunch was set for 2pm. At 2:20 we checked in since they hadn’t arrived and they said they had just left. It takes at least 1hr – 1 1/2 hrs to get to us. My wife texted that we should reschedule since it would be very late. They didn’t respond and showed up over an hour later anyway. I answered the door and told them we couldn’t hang out that day and that we couldn’t keep doing the lateness anymore. They had brought a gift for our child, apologized, seemed shocked, and left.
Two days later I reached out to thank them for the gift and explained that while we value their friendship, the chronic lateness had been hurtful and made us feel like an afterthought. They apologized, said they didn’t realize it was an issue before, and said they’d work on being better. I emphasized that we still appreciate their friendship.
After that, communication mostly stopped. They never made that effort. We all had our kids and exchanged mild congratulations, but haven’t seen each other since. I’ve noticed on Instagram that they’ve continued hanging out with other friends, so it doesn’t seem like a general life-overwhelm thing.
Curious everyone’s thoughts.
They don’t like you