I am 17M with my bestfriend being the same 17M. Year and a half back, he liked a girl (one sided love) who got with an other man (she was engaged at 18). Him and the girl were pretty close from childhood. So he got really depressed. I helped through it we both were 16 at that time. I listen to him let him pour his heart out. 2-3 hours long calls and chats where i listen and tried to console him with the best of my abilities at that time.
Fast forward to last year I fell into depression, resurfaced trauma from childhood, toxic family, sacred of future and what not. Me and him are very close liked childhood friends, i am very clingy to him and also last year our classes separated and i felt completely lonely.
I reached out to him 2 months back that i wanna talk, he straight up said no and man up. I didn’t talk to him for a month cause i was hurt by that. 2 days ago after things smoothed out a bit i reached out again that i am mentally exhausted but he was dodged the conversation, or said just sleep, even sending stickers and stuff like as a reply to my texts.
Yesterday, (i am suffering from viral infection and UTI) I messaged him in a joyful tone that yayyy my kidneys have started to hurt. He got offened and said this is no way of telling things and if someone dies tell that to everyone with the same energy. I called him out for not listening to me even when i texted in a serious tone. He said that is his way of showing emotional support: (belatedly ignoring me, send emojis as a response). I said that is not any support what do i do with it? I further said that tell me straight to my face that that you don’t wanna listen or don’t have the ability to do so, then i don’t waste my and your time. Than he said don’t waste your time and have started to ignore my messages.
Have i over reacted? Was i too direct? Was that because he was dealing with his own stuff? I have dropped an apology message. Am i the a-hole for trying to treat him as my therapist?
Kid drama. Will it matter 5 years from now?
Don’t have to be mean about it
How is the commenter being mean? It IS kid drama and it WON’T matter in five years. You thinking it’s mean to say that, makes sense, considering you’re a kid 🤷🏻♀️
By that logic shame your kids when they shit their pants at 5 years old
Such an unnecessary comment.
So what? Just because hes 17 his problems dont matter? Get over yourself.
NTA. If you didn’t already have the history between you, I’d say not every friendship is at the confessor level. However, he used you for that, without issue. He at least owes you a discussion of why he’s not comfortable/not able to also be that.
Keeping in mind, of course, both of you are 17 and have the relative emotional nuance of oranguatans.
Ok, that wasn’t fair, I apologize.
To the orangutans.
But seriously, there is some margin of grace here for the fact that you’re expecting adult level emotional depth from a 17 year old.
A 17 year old should still understand how to be a decent person and a good friend. Theyre not brain dead. Most 17 year olds are driving, doing high levels of critical thinking, and have many relationships. They should 100% understand how to be emotionally there for a friend.
No argument, but not every 17 year old has the emotional literacy to be there in the specific way OP is asking. As I said, they should totally have that conversation, not do whatever he’s doing with the “man up” stuff (which sounds like some alpha male influencer stuff). But expecting every 17 year old, with limited life experience, to have the same level of maturity OP seems to have, is a little much.
Am i the a-hole for trying to treat him as my therapist? YTA for this, he isn’t your therapist and there is no expectation for him to do for you what you did for him. Being a friend doesn’t make a person an automatic person to dump all your issues on without askign them for first if they are willing to listen.
Terrible take bro. Theres a big difference between being there for your friend and being a therapist. A good friend should want to support their friends and make sure they’re doing well mentally. If you are a good person and truly care about someone you will be there to support them. Sure, being there for him before doesnt give his friend and obligation to be there for him, but it certainly makes him a bad friend and a bad person.
I would say the expectation would be less reasonable if the friend hadn’t already used that sort of support from OP. The friend already set an expectation, but they’re not matching it now that OP needs it. That’s assymetric friendship.
Yeah bro thats a shitty friend. Id drop him and find someone better. Thats just how highschool is, people are fake. Same thing happened to me in hs. Youll find real friends, especially if youre a real person. Dont waste your time trying to get someone to be a good friend yo you, if they truly care about you they will, and you wont have to ask them to.