I (F) am an undergraduate majoring in psychology. My friend “Sara” (F) is the same age as me and is also majoring in psychology. Today I impulsively booked a counseling appointment through my university. I mentioned this in a group chat with two friends and jokingly said we should all try group counseling sometime.
Sara replied “maybe” and said she was supposed to go to counseling the year before but didn’t because she was nervous. I tried to encourage her by saying that booking it impulsively might help her get past the hesitation.
After some back and forth, she said she had “too many problems not to be nervous” and then, “Next time y’all see me I would be in the mental.” That comment got under my skin, and I replied that she should consider switching majors. She asked why, and I said that as a psychology major, that was a really concerning thing to say. She responded, “Who isn’t scared to go to the mental?” and said she’d miss out on so much.
I tried explaining that psychiatric hospitals aren’t prisons, that adults generally can’t be involuntarily committed unless they’re a serious danger to themselves or others, and that counseling doesn’t automatically lead to hospitalization. She said she’d heard “horror stories.” I asked whether she actually knew someone who’d experienced that or if it was just rumors, but she ignored that and said she didn’t understand why it was weird that she didn’t want to go to “the mental.”
I then called out her repeated use of that term and explained that it felt stigmatizing, especially coming from someone who wants to be a psychologist. She replied that wanting to be a psychologist doesn’t mean she wants to be “in a place where she can’t leave or be medicated and unable to function like a normal person.”
I told her that while fear is understandable, what she was describing didn’t reflect how mental health institutions usually work, and that it was confusing to hear such stereotypes from someone who wants to work in the field. I also said that confronting those assumptions is necessary if you want to be a psychologist.
She said I made her feel like she was crazy for not wanting to go to a mental hospital, and that even if she knows those things don’t always happen, she still wouldn’t want to be there and it was her choice.
My final message (which I admit may have been harsh) was that she was missing my point, and that someone can’t really work in the mental health field with such a skewed perspective, but that she’d figure that out herself eventually. After that, she stopped responding.
To be clear, my issue isn’t that she doesn’t want counseling as I understand that’s a personal choice and can be scary, even for someone studying psychology. What bothered me was how she spoke about mental health institutions while claiming to want to become a psychologist. But I can admit I may have been harsh in my delivery.
So, AITA?
EDIT/ CLARIFICATION:
I want to clarify a few things since some people are misunderstanding a little. I am fully aware that many psychiatric hospitals are abusive or counterproductive. I’m not and did not say they’re all perfect and sunshine. My frustration isn’t about anyone being scared of psychiatric hospitals (that’s valid and understandable)My issue is that it’s not true for all of them, and as a psych student, I think it’s misleading and hypocritical to treat every mental health facility as a “jailhouse,” especially after saying you want to work in one.
I’ve seen firsthand how mental hospitals can save lives. But I fully agree and recognised that many countries have outdated facilities or systemic issues (that’s a separate social and legislative problem that needs to be addressed) but i think painting them all as terrible is inaccurate.
so again, My frustration isn’t about anyone being scared of psychiatric hospitals (that’s valid and understandable). My issue is the hypocrisy of claiming to want to work in these institutions while treating all of them as jail.
I also want to clarify that I have never and will never force or pressure anyone to get professional help.
Lastly, I’m not perfect and don’t intend to come across as such so I appreciate the feedback and some of the criticism, and I’m taking this as a learning opportunity.
YTA – you took it too far. Calling out the stigmatizing language was one thing. Not wanting to go to a mental hospital is pretty normal. Just out of curiosity – have you been to your local mental hospital? What’s it like? Do you actually know?
I’ve been on the compound twice, but never as a patient, so i would not want to make assumptions about the quality of how patients are treated. However i do have a close relative who visits somewhat regularly for sessions when she’s having a hard time. Based on my conversations with her i am quite confident forced institutionalized there is very rare at least. Ofc i understand though that the quality of life while being there definitely would not be comparable to the luxuries we are used to outside, so its not as though i want to advocate for her to go there. I myself definitely would not jump for joy to be admitted! But i the generalizations she made sounded like something you’d hear from someone completely ignorant of the psychological world, and I expected her to know better as a psych major which is why i was so harsh. But thank you for your honesty, I can see how i might have potentially taken it too far.
YTA. I am a therapist and unless extremely, extremely rare, people should not be involuntarily committed. I am American so somewhat different I suspect.
HOWEVER, mental health institutions, in the first world, are lacking at best, extremely dangerous at worst. Your friend is right that that is NOT somewhere you should ever, ever, EVER refer to or normalize unless it’s an extreme case (think psychosis trying to hurt themselves). Institutionalization, as I would hope you know given your expertise as a psychology student, begets institutionalization. If we can keep folks out of systems, the better.
I’ve been in a psych hospital once and I would do anything not to go back. YTA
YTA. I work in an Emergency Department in the U.S., where there is an extremely low threshold to involuntarily commit someone. I recently witnessed a terminal cancer patient answer the suicide screening questions in triage with “sometimes I wonder if the financial/emotional burden on my family would be lessened if I wasn’t here anymore” get committed against their will. I actually think your perspective conveys a lack of real world experience on this topic – involuntary hospitalization is brutal and can be extremely damaging.
YTA. First, it’s weird as hell to suggest random group counseling for a friend group.
Second, rude as hell to pressure her into mental health care she does not want.
Third, for making such a big-ass deal about a comment that most sane people would make. Mental institutions are genuinely hell on earth, and most mental health professionals know that. There’s a reason they’re an absolute last resort for treatment.
YTA
Maybe you are the one in the wrong major
YTA and you sound insufferable.
The good news is she probably won’t be your friend for much longer.
Oh bestie…. there *are* good mental hospitals, but the ones people get committed at in emergencies (psych wards within general hospitals) are very much like being in prison. I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing both varieties.
I’m not sure where you are getting your info about how “mental health institutions usually work,” but being committed literally means you can’t leave and are medicated against your will.
One time I pulled an IV out of my arm bc I didn’t want them to give me meds and they were going to anyway. They held me down and gave it to me as a shot instead.
You might consider that you are the one with the skewed perspective. If you want to help people as a psychologist, you need to know that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows in there. Being committed is an incredibly traumatic and dehumanizing experience, where all of your autonomy (and often your dignity) are removed from you.
NTA for broadly trying to challenge stigma but YTA in this situation for how you went about it, for many reasons others have mentioned. Ill add something else, though: wild that you think she should switch majors for not being sensitive enough, while simultaneously pressuring and challenging her views and essentially saying she has a fucked up view that would make it impossible for her to be successful in her field of choice… imagine going to a therapist and casually saying, “I would never want to be in a psych ward”, and then having to listen to your therapist judge and berate you… the judgemental therapist in itself is a stereotype and is why a lot of people don’t go to counselling — because they’re scared of being judged.
So maybe you should consider switching majors, since you’re also contributing to stigma. Or, yknow, because that’s a ridiculous thing to say to someone — consider that BOTH of you are still studying and BOTH of you may change your views on things as you progress through your studies. Her courses/lectures will inform her of any inaccurate notions she may or may not have, and hopefully you’ll go through the same process.
Sincerely,
A fellow psychology major
YTA. So your friend has significant enough mental health issues that she fears she could be institutionalised as a consequence of seeking help, and instead of showing compassion and care for a struggling person, you lectured her about stigma.
Even people who believe in the psychiatric system generally do not want to be committed to inpatient care, especially involuntarily. That is a normal thing to not want, and it’s extremely naive to not understand why people might fear that.
I have a family member who is involuntarily committed right now due to psychosis. It’s 100% been necessary for her safety and she has been treated very kindly and well (which is NOT a universal experience) but the loss of autonomy is inherently traumatic. She understands why it happened and her experience hasn’t been too bad all things considered, but she still absolutely hates not being able to make choices about where she goes and what she does and when she can leave. Because that’s a normal human thing to feel.
Get off your high horse and try asking your friend what she is feeling, because if she thinks she might be committed, that’s a sign she may be suicidal. If your response to mental illness is to lecture sick people for being scared, then maybe you are the one who should change your major. Also, in my experience, clinicians who refuse to acknowledge the genuine issues with the medical system and the legitimate reasons people may struggle to engage with it are usually the least likely to be capable of actually helping.
You are young, and I hope you can use this as a way to grow into a more empathetic person and psych student. But for now, YTA.