I (25F) have been married to my husband (36M) for two years. He comes from a huge, very close-knit family ,five sisters and one brother. They’re the kind of family that talk constantly, see each other all the time, and pride themselves on being “so close.”
I was honestly so excited to marry into that. I never really had a family of my own, so I thought I’d finally get that big, loving family dynamic I’ve always wanted.
All of his sisters are older than me, some significantly, and I constantly get this subtle, condescending energy from them. The tone. The looks. They speak to me like I’m a child. Or an idiot. Idk which is worse
Outside of my husband, the only people I feel close to are his brother and his 21-year-old niece.
We have a big family group chat with everyone in it. Recently I found out the sisters have their own separate group chat without me.
And yes, I get that they’re sisters. I’m not delusional. But it still felt like confirmation of what I’ve been feeling this whole time that I’m not really “in.”
I already feel like I don’t fully belong, and finding out there’s a whole side conversation happening that I’m excluded from just made that feeling louder.
I was feeling sad after a glass of wine and texted into the family group chat “ should I feel concerned about the secret sister groupchat??” And I got radio silence..
I told my husband I want to finally just speak to them about it but he’s telling me I’m being dramatic and it’s no big deal but I’m sick of feeling like this
AITA?
um. yeah, yta. you’re in the family chat, so they’ve taken you in as part of the family, but you won’t ever be a ‘sister’ who grow up along side them and know all their ‘kid’ secrets, and they probably think it’s weird that you would expect to be within that sibling chat.
You’re being extremely childish. They have been sisters THEIR ENTIRE LIVES. That is a completely different relationship than with you. Get a grip. Do you have friends you chat with? Why haven’t you added your sister in laws to those chats? (See how silly you sound?) If you don’t want to be treated like an immature child, don’t act like one. You don’t get to hijack your way into a family simply because you don’t have your own.
Yta you are NOT their sister they are 100% allowed to have a sister chat without you.
YTA
They’re sisters. The fact that you’re not their sister doesn’t make their chat a “secret.”
Questioning them in the family chat the way you did was aggressive and rude.
YTA and you heavily overstepped putting that message in the FAMILY group chat calling out your sister in laws. They’re siblings. That group chat probably existed way before you came into the picture and even if it didn’t, you don’t have any automatic right to be added. Calling them out in the family group chat is childish and honestly indicates you have some insecurities you need to work through.
YTA. You were added to the family chat. You will likely never be in the sister chat. You aren’t their sister. And you said you are much younger.
I can’t imagine why the sisters speak to you like you are a child or an id**t. YTA.
YTA. They view you as a child because you are acting like a child.
YTA. Please talk to someone about your feelings of insecurity and your underlying ideas about what being part of a big family would look like. You are not entitled to be in the sisters’ family chat because you’re not their biological sister.
As for feeling condescended to, well, older siblings do often tend to condescend to younger ones, so you’re getting the authentic big family experience. You need to look elsewhere for whatever connection you’re seeking. The age gap with your husband means a big age gap between you and his siblings too.
Was your husband married to someone else before you?
YTA… by a mile. This post has the energy of a 7 yr old wanting to hang out with their 17 yr old sibling and their friends, and complaining to mommy/daddy that you’re not being included. Except you’re 25, his sisters are probably all 30+, and they’re not related to you at all….
His sisters are well within their rights to have just a sisters group chat.
YTA.
Girlypop. You’re young enough to be their daughter. They’re doing the best they can with a grown ass brother who married someone barely out of college.
Chances are, they’ve got adult lives and they’re not thinking about you all that much. And if they gossip, it’s about the brother. But this wasn’t a good look if you want to squash the child bride talk.