My bf and I used to work part time for a non-profit that works exclusively with inner-city kids. They raise money to give them a free weekend at a camp where they get to experience nature for the first time and step out of their comfort zones. It’s a great program. The non-profit holds a big fundraising event every year where your form a team, each team gets a bike and rides 100 miles on their bike. So if you have 5 people on your team, each person rides 20 miles, etc.
Last year my bf and I decided to be a team. We each rode 50 miles, which was hard as a team of only 2 people. I was in so much pain the next day but it was worth it to raise money for a good cause.
This year we did the same thing and raised even more money for our little team. But about a week before the biking event, he told me he booked a job on the same day as the event. I was shocked that he would double book himself like that. Instead of apologizing, or even suggesting canceling his job or having someone else ride for him, he just said it didn’t matter because we had already raised the money. I asked if he expected me to ride the whole 100 miles myself and he just said I didn’t even need to be at the event if I didn’t want to because it wasn’t important.
I believed it was important. It’s the culmination of all our hard work raising money. It’s a huge celebration and everyone from the org is there. I also didn’t want us to just have an empty bike when another team could have had it if we hadn’t signed up. So I went to the event and rode the whole 100 miles myself. It took 4 and a half hours and I couldn’t walk by the end of it. I was in so much pain, someone had to drive me home. I felt so abandoned by my bf.
As conversations come up about next year’s fundraiser, I honestly just don’t even want to do it again. Not with him. He’s unreliable and I don’t ever want to ride 100 miles by myself again. If I do it with someone else, he’ll be upset. If I do it with him, there’s a big chance he won’t participate again. He obviously doesn’t think it’s important.
So AITA for not doing the fundraiser at all next year? I don’t think it’s worth ruining my relationship over and other teams raise way more money than we do.
NTA and also dump that pathetic excuse of a boyfriend and find a better man, he ain’t worth it.
this. can’t believe you’re still with him in time for the next year’s fundraiser. what an asshole
Your title makes it sound like you’re canceling the whole fundraiser. You’re just not participating in a fundraiser.
Huh. Your BF does not seem reliable in this regard.
You are NTA for skipping the fundraiser next year, but if you think the cause is important, I would join another group or just make a cash donation.
Instead of dropping the fundraiser altogether, you should look into joining a different team that will support you and follow through on their commitment.
You should also seriously consider whether or not your relationship is one that you want to be in. It seems like he doesn’t support you or what you value.
NTA about giving up fundraiser, but why are you with someone unreliable? And why do you care if he is upset if you start with someone else? If he dismisses things not important for him but important for you, your future would be really miserable with him…
NTA. Throw the whole man out sis. If he’s unreliable when it comes to something very important to you (and really wholesome in general!) and you feel “abandoned” by him, I don’t see him being reliable elsewhere. You’re not a bad person for skipping a year, but I think you should find a new team. To hell with his feelings on the issue, if he doesn’t want you to do it with someone else then he should do it with you.
NTA
I think it would be better to dump the boyfriend and keep the fundraiser though.
Dump the bf. He didnt show up for you and is showing you who he is.
YTA. I was curious, apparently a 100 mile bike ride is known as a century ride, usually takes a biker 3-4 months of training and finishing in 3-4 hour is considered **elite**.
If you somehow discovered you’re an elite cyclist on accident, its a sin to waste your talent.
Why will he be upset if you do it with someone else?
NTA but I’m wondering about your boyfriend. He doesn’t sound terribly reliable.
He isn’t. We once made plans to visit his family for the first time together and he realized like two days before the trip that his flight was a day later than mine (we were flying in from different places). I couldn’t change my flight because prices were sky high by then. I had to spend an entire 24 hours with his family who I had only met once before. It was awkward and horrible.