Anna has been my best friend since high school and we’ve always been close. I’m organized and very good at planning so I always enjoying planning stuffs for us and that includes her birthday parties. This year she turned 25 and we agreed to organize a big party at my house. I spent $300 and two weeks prepping. Invited 20 mutual friends which is usually the amount of people we’d have around. I was with Anna when I overheard her talking to Jess about the party. Found out she’s invited jess. Jess was my school bully. She and her friends never liked me and I never liked the fact that Anna my best friend was talking to Jess. They aren’t really too close so I overlooked. Anna knows Jess and her friends don’t like me. She knew about it all and at some point Jess has asked her why she’s still friends with me. I was mad about this invitation and told her I haven’t seen Jess in years and don’t want to.
Anna insisted Jess has changed and she will like me now since she’s not so close with her crew anymore. I thought about it and imagined seeing Jess again in the same room. All that didn’t sit well with me no matter how much she’s changed. I just said no and told her if Jess comes the party is off. She said I was being dramatic and said she’ll tell Jess not to come. But two days later I looked into group chat Anna added Jess and posted “Can’t wait for Saturday at OP’s house!”
I confronted Anna. She said I shouldn’t worry that she’s making sure she resolves everything between me and Jess. I said no and I don’t want to. I Canceled the party and told everyone it’s off. I refunded what I could, packed up decorations.
Anna called me selfish for ruining her party and not wanting to reconcile with Jess her other friend. Now she sees me as a bad friend. Everyone thinks seeing Jess to talk about old time was best and Anna was trying to help me heal. The thing is I don’t want to heal I just want to forget. AITA for canceling?
NTA and I would not consider her a friend anymore. She clearly likes ignoring boundaries.
NTA if you hadn’t somehow found out you would have been faced with a bully who traumatized you without time to prepare. If Anna was a friend she would have ASKED first and discussed this with you instead of trying to spring it on you. Sorry OP you deserve better friends.
>faced with a bully who traumatized you
…in OP’s own home!
Sounds like she is not that good of a friend, but gladly took advantage of OP’s hospitality, effort and money. OP, you don’t pay for stuff like that when you already are making effort.
Time reassess what friendship means and who is worthy of it.
NTA
On her dime!
I have a feeling this is one of those instances where once OP has a chance to take a step back, she’s going to realize just how one-sided this relationship has been over the years.
Totally true! She also blatantly lied and said she would uninvite her then just didn’t do that. She clearly did not think what Jess did was at all bad. If she really wanted to try to work towards some resolution, she had time to try to coordinate something prior to this party. But doing that at OPs home was absolutely not the way to do it. My guess is Anna was just hoping nothing would come of it by having Jess there. Just have her free cake and eat it too.
You get to decide who is welcome in YOUR house. Everything else is beside the point. NTA
Agree that it being at your house is a huge tipping point here. If you planned a party at a restaurant or at someone else’s house then it may be a different story. But OP has a right to decide who she does and doesn’t want in her own home.
Some friends are seasonal…
Maybe it’s time to move on. NTA.
NTA and Anna is definitely NOT your best friend. She lied to you and tried to force you to welcome someone into YOUR home that made you miserable for years. All that AND she knows very well WHY you don’t want to have anything to do with Jess! Sorry that you had to find out your friends true colours this way.
NTA ! Bringing someone into YOUR house after you said no ? Screw that !!
NTA, this person knowingly invited someone who bullied you to YOUR HOME. And then lied about it.
A 3rd party cannot “resolve everything” between a bully and her victim, certainly not with deception at the basis.
Reconciliation can only happen if the bully makes the effort to apologize, which is not the case here, this was not about “helping you heal” it’s about you being expected to basically serve drinks to your bully.
I would seriously rethink this friendship.
NTA. She’s your best friend but you’re not hers. Time to get up from this table that’s only serving disrespect.
NTA. Anna is not your friend. Friends do not hurt each other.