AITA for ignoring my \[25F\] friend/coworker\[21F\] because she called me a ch\*nk bitch?
I’ve been sick the past week and I usually sit with a group at work. I haven’t been sitting with them because I was sick, still coughing and sneezing and I didn’t want to get them sick.
I saw my friend later talking to one of my other coworker friend and they were joking how “we finally got rid of the only minority at the table.” Haha. It’s funny sometimes but when they overdo it, it gets a bit annoying. But that’s basically their type of humor and mine sometimes. But anyway, she ended up saying “yea he said we finally got rid of that ch\*nk bitch.”
I’m not the person to really defend myself on the spot. That’s how I was raised and how I am now. I don’t really like confronting but at the same time, she is old enough to know, that’s not okay to say.
I don’t know if I want to drop her or keep space but earlier today, she tried to say hi to me when she was with my other coworker and friend. I kinda just walked away and acted as if I didn’t see her and later, the coworker came up and told me, “she tried to say hi.” I said I don’t see her but the look he gave me seemed like he knew that was a lie.
I don’t know if I should say something or just ignore the situation or just drop her. I don’t think I should explain that it’s not okay and it made me uncomfortable, but at the same time, I don’t think I need to explain that saying a slur isn’t okay.
Nta but this is definitely an hr situation. She’s definitely not your friend and is way too comfortable using slurs at work.
i think you should report them to HR for their racist behavior 🤷♀️ NTA for ignoring them, that’s not a nice person
Agreed. HR before they twist the situation on her. All of them, because it’s a table full of racists. Anyone who sits down with that isn’t any better just because they didn’t utter the slur.
NTA. she literally called you racial slur. she’s a racist. i would go to hr immediately
NTA – You’re absolutely right that it’s not something you should have to tolerate or explain.
You should consider saying something anyways. People end up like your friend by having too many enablers and not enough people telling her that she’s wrong. At least from my experience, a lot of people who are “ironically racist” end up being actually racist.
It’s messed up that YOU have to be the one to explain that to her though.
NTA. She’s not your friend she’s a racist, sorry.
NTA. we shouldn’t allow slurs to come back into style, not even as jokes.
What confuses me is you saying “that basically their type of humor and mine too”. You mean you are ok with this when directed at someone else?
Because if you are ok generally with “that type of humor” then you slid down this slope yourself. Ignoring it isn’t going to fix it and is your acquiescence. Either put a stop to it verbally out loud like a big person or realize you are part and parcel.
NTA.
You don’t have to defend yourself or come up with a clever reply. Just leave and don’t come back. This person isn’t much a friend if they think they can treat you that way.
NTA alert HR that your coworker is using slurs
>they were joking how “we finally got rid of the only minority at the table.”
>It’s funny sometimes but when they overdo it, it gets a bit annoying
No, it’s never funny.
This is a workplace. Everyone within earshot hears that discrimination. They also take note that it gets laughed at, and swept under the carpet. It creates a culture of intolerance, and harassment.
I say harassment because there are other people who you may not have noticed overhearing those words. If someone is willing to make racial jokes, and there are no consequences, then anything goes. And contrary to the phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” *names hurt*, a lot.
So while you let this go all those other times, someone else may be internalizing the hate speech from these people, and feeling really, really terrible about themselves.
NTA, and you may want to consider going to HR. Sounds like they need an inspirational chat
Grow a backbone.
Your “friend” should be immediately reported to HR.
Are you trying to reason yourself out of reporting her? Are you overthinking this?
Report her.
This is yet another example of why with co-workers, you can and should be friendly, but not friends. Personal information is often weaponized.
You need to take this to HR. They are creating an ongoing hostile environment. If HR or management doesn’t act, take it to the EEOC.
NTA: Ch*nk bitch? Go to HR. That’s racial discrimination and harassment.