Hey everyone, I met someone on bumble friends and we hung out once before. We got coffee, I got there with my own ride and after the hangout | left with my own ride. The hangout went well and I really did see myself being friends w this person. I reached out a few weeks later bc I saw this event happening.
On the day of I felt quite ill after coming home from work. This is how our texts looked;
Me: Hey I apologize, I am actually not feeling the greatest today. Would we be reschedule to Sunday?
Her: I’m busy this whole weekend which is why I asked if you could hang during the week so no I can’t sorry, feel better!
Me: Aw I see, enjoy your weekend then! I will be leaving for home on Tuesday for the break but I am available Monday after work if you wanted to do smtng then:)
Me: Ive been meaning to check out some of the restaurants here, if you’re free Monday maybe we can check it out!
2 days later*
Me: Hey! Just checking in to see if you might be free tm, I felt terrible cancelling last minute.
No worries if you aren’t tho! We can def do smtng another time:)
The next morning*
Her: Hey, appreciate you reaching out. I think I’m gonna step back from making plans, last min cancellations aren’t really my thing especially when I went out of my way and rearranged my schedule to give you a ride. So I’d rather leave it here, take care.
Me: I canceled last minute bc I was feeling unwell after work not bc of a shallow reason, I cannot force myself to go out when I am sick and I wouldn’t expect that from you either. But l understand, take care.
End of text thread
So please let me know if I am being the asshole. I have also let her know before while making the 2nd plan that I can get my own ride to the venue but she offered to give the ride.
Note: I posted this a few times but it kept saying it was getting removed but I think I figured out the issue, so if you’re seeing this again, I apologize!
NTA. You can’t schedule sickness. And good riddance; God forbid something more serious should happen, and she blame you for cancelling last minute while you’re dealing with something like a physical injury or grief.
NTA but they probably just think you were lying to get out of plans. I feel like it’s a big thing now that people make plans then just cancel them. It was probably a red flag for them, even if you were telling the truth. They should have given you another chance but they may have had lots of people lie and cancel. I think you making an effort to reschedule says a lot tho
NAH
You were sick. Of course you shouldn’t try to hang out. You communicated the situation clearly. Nothing in this post makes you an AH.
I’m not a fan of people who don’t take what they are being told at face value when they are first getting to know others, but the other person has every right to choose not to hang out again.
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Some (hopefully) constructive criticism.
> I am actually not feeling the greatest
This is too vague. I could refer to something that doesn’t prevent you from hanging out. Next time: “Hey, I’m feeling ill.”
You’re right! Thanks for the advice, I’ll try to frame it in a more understandable way next time!
Sounds like a personality mismatch tbh. She didn’t have the patience to foster the new friendship or give benefit of doubt and just assumed flaky reasons for canceling.
NTA. I thought you did the right thing. I would rather ppl kept their germs to themselves instead of meeting up with me when sick.
Agree. Also, OP did the right thing by trying to reschedule asap, which shows genuine desire to hang out.
There might’ve been a misunderstanding about “not feeling the greatest” = sick, though. And maybe the person had put in effort to be free at this particular time and provide a ride. Would be curious how explicit the other person had been about this when originally scheduling. Cause they’re making it sound like OP should’ve known.
NAH. You are not an AH for a last minute cancellation because you were sick. You informed the new friend as soon as you could, were apologetic, and attempted to reschedule. I also don’t think the new friend is an AH. They chose to step back from a new friendship where you’ve gotten together once. It’s just not that deep.
NTA, the “friend” is being super dramatic about a simple reschedule because you’re actually sick, which is a major red flag for how they handle minor inconveniences.
Not a friend.
You were responsible to tell your friend that you’re sick. But, your friend went out of her way to rearrange her schedule for you. NAH
I agree with what you are saying it can be annoying to do all that but I also did let her know that I could get there on my own previously, she offered the ride, which I did agree on but you can’t schedule illness unfortunately.
NTA
Be thankful, friendships with high expectations and low understanding are exhausting anyway. Friends should give grace even if they feel disappointed, and one let down does not justify cutting you off.