We’re 34M & 33F, got married in 2022, living together since 5 years. My wife WFH (IT) and I work at a public department.
We’re childfree, the Government will take care of our retirement and hospital bills. So, we don’t have any big reason to save a lot of money…hence we spend like 50% of our combined income for upgrading our lifestyle, buying things for fun, travel, etc.
Each of us do like 20 orders/month. As I’m out of the house during the day, my wife usually receives my deliveries. The issue is, she unboxes my orders behind my back, even though I’ve told her not to. I know it sounds petty, but it ruins the unboxing experience for me. I love inspecting all the contents and packaging the way we received it, etc.
Although she roughly keeps them back in the place, that’s nowhere near as good as the original packaging. It’s not like I don’t trust her with the content, she’s a very little careless with items.
Once, she accidently threw away the manual of a gadget along with the packaging. I assumed that it didn’t come with a manual and spent my whole evening figuring out its functions.
I told her multiple times, still she opens them up out of curiosity. I can’t set the delivery location to my office as it’s a govt. building and nobody does that. Tired, I changed the address to my mom’s house, as she lives near my office, a distance low enough to visit her house even daily.
Mom has no issues with claiming my orders and never opens them. But now my wife is upset and accusing me of taking our personal matter out of the house. My mom isn’t tech savvy, she must’ve assumed that I get some discounts by getting things delivered at her doorstep. I haven’t told her the real reason why I did that.
NTA
You’re enforcing a boundary. The real issue is why you even had to do that, why isn’t your very simple and reasonable request enough for her.
Exactly, this is just a bandaid solution. Wtf kind of relationship is it really when you can’t expect such a simple courtesy of your partner to leave a box alone until you get home? She knows it means a lot to you, that’s really all that should matter.
Reminds me of a post from a while back where a guy who volunteered as an EMT had to keep telling his wife to stop tying the laces up on his work shoes because those several minutes spent untying and retying when he got an emergency call could literally mean life or death for someone. But she kept doing it anyways. Was incredibly frustrating to read.
Edit: [it’s so much worse than I remember :(](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/wgijcrNFOZ)
You should order something really disturbing and/or gross and have it sent to your home. Like a box of maggots. Maybe teach her the hard way not to open your stuff.
Because they both have a shopping addiction. The high is the receipt and opening of packages.
NTA All your wife has to do is treat you with basic respect in regard to your mail. That’s all. She is not forced to open your packages. As soon as she stops doing it the issue disappears. What she apparently wants is for you to just put up with her opening up your packages forever as if that is an unavoidable part of life.
Tell her that she has the solution literally in her hands — that is by keeping her hands away. Can she do that? Yes? Then the packages can be delivered to your house. No? Then she has absolutely no leg to stand on. This is the solution you were driven to by her inability to grant you the most basic respect by leaving your packages alone. Her behavior is incredibly rude and she should be ashamed of doing it. She’s lucky you don’t make more of an issue of it.
My husband says I can open his packages and I still don’t. It isn’t that hard to not open someone else’s mail.
NTA. Unboxing is peak joy and she kept ruining it. You didn’t steal her stuff or anything, just moved your packages where they won’t get tampered with. She’s mad because she lost the curiosity game, not because you did anything wrong.
NTA but your wife is the AH for you having to do this in the first place. it is really so easy for her not to open your packages, it’s bananas that she is upset that you stopped her from being able to do so
NTA. It’s not about the packages, it’s about respect. Unboxing something new is an experience all on its own and she’s kinda stealing that from you even after telling her it bothers you. Not cool at all. If it gets it to stop, then good call on the delivery switch up.
The second you said, and is careless and even throws the manuals away.. You had me there.. The fact is, if she threw the manual away, what else has she thrown out that you didn’t know about?? A lot of stuff comes with spare parts.. Maybe a spare filter or belt for a vacuum, etc.. Some stuff can be fragile.. If something was, and she was careless, how do you know if it arrived broken or she broke it?? NTA and I would do the same thing too..
Yeah this too. Some things are SO easy to miss too. The number of times I’ve opened something and double checked the box before throwing it away and found a small part hidden within all the plastic and cardboard. I don’t even order that many things and it’s happened a couple times.
NTA, this should have stopped the first time you asked your wife not to do that.
But, I have to take issue with something else here. You said the government will take care of all your retirement and medical for life. Don’t trust that. Stuff changes all the time. Make your own retirement accounts, even if you don’t fund them much, just to have something in chase things change. I mean, look at all the safety nets that went away in just this past year…….
>We’re childfree
Your wife is, you are not. You have a 33y old toddler without self control.
NTA she needs to accept that not every packages is for her. I get opening a package by accident or opening the delivery of coffee/catfood and putting it away, but unboxing the contents? Holy maincharacter…