I (30F) have a younger brother, Mark (25M). After he graduated college, he struggled to find stable job, so I started helping him out financially. At first it was small things like covering a phone bill, helping with rent once or twice but over time it became regular. I didn’t mind because I love him and I’m in a comfortable position.
Recently, Mark was offered a decent job in another city. It wasn’t his dream job, but the pay was good and can cover his bills with some change left to save up and also had growth potential. He turned it down saying it was not up to his lifestyle, After that he asked me to help him with rent again.
This time, I refused but not completely. I told him I wouldn’t keep giving him money with no plan, but I would help in other ways like networking, covering moving costs if he took a job, or helping with a short term emergency. He got angry and said i was refusing to support when he needed it most and that I was acting like i don’t care.
Some family members agree with him and said that since I helped before, I shouldn’t stop now. Others say I’ve done more than enough already. I still care about my brother deeply, but I started to feel like my help was enabling him to stay stuck instead of move forward.
AITA for changing how I support my sibling even though he feels abandoned by it?
NTA, as somebody struggling to find a new job right now, that drives me insane that he turned down an offer because it didn’t fit the lifestyle he wanted. I think you are right that what you are currently doing is enabling him. It’s one thing to ask for help with financials when you can’t find a job, but if he’s turning down jobs because he has you as a bank account, that’s not fair to you and won’t be fair to himself in the long run.