The responsibility I never expected.
I (24M) just got my first real job after college. I’m talking entry level salary and living on instant noodles trying to build a life. My younger brother (20M) who won’t get a real job but insists he’s built for business failed his first year after I paid his full tuition. He blew the money on whatever and a failed startup with his friends.
he’s helpless begging for me to pay again. At this time I only have a little savings. I used my savings to furnish an apartment. a bed, a couch, basics I’ve been struggling to get for a year with hopes of helping him out with some other money that haven’t come in as I expected. My parents doesn’t think I’ve done bad with my decisions but it feels like guilt trip.
I overheard my brother on the phone with his friends and they all think I’m heartless and doesn’t care. My parents are almost silent on this matter. I finally feel stable but the guilt is crushing.
AITA for choosing to start my own life?
I mean, you did what you could for him. Honestly more than you were obligated to.
If he refuses to get a real job and fund his business like a real adult, what more can you do? Giving him money is just going to end up the same way.
Of course his friends say you’re heartless, you funded their lifestyle the first time around and the gravy train just ended.
NTA
Don’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
NTA he’s belongs to the streets
NTA.
And point out to those who say otherwise you don’t have the ability to help, you don’t have savings and don’t have the credit history or income for a bank to be willing to lend for this.
NTA : don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm
NTA – you don’t actually have any spare money to gift him. You have a meager emergency savings fund, which is vital to have. He needs to put on his big boy pants and get a grownup job.
He can find a job, save and then try again. NTA
Do his friends have the full story, that he’s already been a gifted him a starting fund and that he squandered that opportunity?
If he or they pushed too hard I’d make a point of letting people know and (if it was) let them know it was a gift.
NTA
You are your only responsibility. Take care of yourself first. No one else is going to.
NTA
If you do it now, be prepared to finance your deadbeat brother *forever*
NTA
NTA. I have an older brother and I would never even think to ask zim to pay for my college (or any big expense like that), especially after already blowing one chance.
I am lucky enough that my parents are able and willing to support me financially during my studies, but I also recognize that it’s not their obligation and if they couldn’t afford it, I would just have to make do and not try to guilt trip my brother into paying my way instead, especially since you mentioned you’re not that well off either.
NTA. No, he clearly doesn’t appreciate the value of your hard earned money. Why can’t he take a year off college and work a crap job to earn money? He sounds manipulative. I’d worry that he’ll keep coming back for more financial help. In the long run you’re doing both him and yourself a favour by saying no.
Nta. I’m sure he’d be understanding if you told him that although you want to help him, you just aren’t there to financially help him at the moment and you need to prioritize yourself and your necessities right now? You’re a kind person, but he needs to lay off you/stop being dependent on you and he shouldn’t let his friends talk about you like that. He needs to learn how to earn his own money, save, and see how valuable it is. They’ll never learn if it’s always handed to them at whim.