This sounds stupid AF, I get that. But I’m feeling conflicted, and those closest to me who I’d normally go to, are close to the person I’m in conflict with and so I don’t feel I can really get an unbiased viewpoint.
Last night things with a friend blew up. I told them, quote: “I gotta be straight up honest with you both. I’m enjoying this but I straight up dozed off during that third boss fight a few times, hence my apologies. I’m down to try again, just might not be best performance.”
That’s when they started in with jabs about how every time we do content I have an excuse or I’m always tired – but when it comes to hanging out with other people I can be up for hours, etc.
My response I admit wasn’t cool. I blew up, laid out everything I’ve been dealing with the last two weeks and left. Straight Alt+F4’d the game. To which they came to the discord group chat and told me they see how it is and to never talk to them again.
For some context, I have chronic health issues. One of them is steroid resistant Asthma, and when really bad, requires significant amounts of meds, above the normal for patients with the condition, and tends to fuck with my other chronic issues, mainly my Bipolar Disorder and my Migraines. So it very quickly becomes I’m sick, coughing violently despite all my medications, rapid cycling my moods, and getting migraines from lack of sleep due to asthma and bipolar disorder. It’s fucked.
These conditions have also admittedly made me unreliable for hanging out with friends, as much as I hate it. It’s a truth I can’t deny. Most of my friends are understanding, this one isn’t.
My other friend was talking to the person I’m arguing with they and dropped this message which was forwarded to me: “Thing is I wanted to be his friend, but hes so negative, always woe is me. stfu there are people far worse off than he is. Time with friends is meant to be fun, forget about the bs and vibe. He cant do that”
I don’t know how I’m supposed to forget the fact that I’m struggling to breathe and coughing violently, lol, but okay. Either way, it just makes me feel like they really don’t care that I’m struggling here. I don’t even bring it up all the time, just when asked how I’m doing. They want fun and stuff from me, and when I know I won’t be, I’ve been trying to remove myself from the stuffs and be elsewhere so that I’m not “not fun” for them to be around. But when I do, I’m “making excuses for not spending time with them and doing content.” Same if I just try to take days for myself and just do what I want, and give space. But this message in response just makes me feel like they’re only mad I left so they couldn’t lay into me.
And I’ll be honest. We’re ex’s, and when the times are great, they’re great. And I really want them as a friend but this feels like I blew that.
So I guess… am I the asshole for dipping and trying to choose sleep here? I’m not asking what to do, simply am I in the wrong?
So tldr: theyre mad you won’t stay up late and play video games with them…
NTA. Go to bed. Video games are supposed to be fun. Not a job. Tell your friends to grow up.
NTA. Your health and needs come before a game. An the comment about how hanging with friends is supposed to be fun? Yeah but you should also be able to vent to friends about your health and to be able to understand each other’s needs and support each other. Something they didn’t do.
Friends sound childish. NTA
NTA – a healthy sleep schedule is more important than a video game. Even though raids may be a limited time events, friends are supposed to be fun and respect your wishes and not be overly pushy.
Umm, if you’re not teenagers, yeah, this is stupid AF. That said, anyone who blows up at you over a game, and blames you for your health issues that you ARE dealing with is not your friend.
These people are not your friends.
Of course sleep is THE priority especially with bi polar. Likewise you need time not glued to a game – this is hugely unhealthy for anyone.
There is little you can do if they are so lacking in understanding and empathy.
Maybe try to find friends by engaging in a more face to face sociable activity.
NTA
NTA. I get it, I’m a gamer although I’ve never played for content. I would prefer anyone in my group be having fun. Frustration in games is real, and if someone wants to play through thats on them. Not me. Same thing goes for you. No one else has any right to tell you how or when to play. If you aren’t enjoying it then you should not be playing.
If you are sick, the game will be there when you wake up. Go to sleep.
NTA
As one chronically ill person to another: it’s not your fault that you’re sick. It’s not your fault that you are having a flare.
BEING SICK AND NEEDING REST IS NOT A MORAL FAILING.
Unfortunately, chronically ill folks often lose friends and relationships because they don’t understand it’s not that we don’t want to. WE CAN’T.
I lost my “best friend” irl because of my chronic illnesses. She’s a nurse and still doesn’t get it.
It took me a long time to figure this out.
Just because someone else has it worse, doesn’t mean what you are going through doesn’t matter or count.
They are minializing your experience because you aren’t the worst off person in the world. Take a moment and think about that.
They lack empathy.
ESH likely here. Not enough context for what was said, but you blowing up on them doesn’t resolve anything, it just escalates. I get you are fed up with them not understanding your health issues to which it makes it harder, but it sounds like you are not prioritizing your health either by setting boundaries with your gaming time with your friends. E.g, I can play until 9/10pm, but I have to go after that.
I have had a couple former friends with Bi Polar, and I will say it can be very exhausting being their friend, both very flaky with plans a lot, canceling last minute, have a blow up now and again, and vented thier issues a lot, as much as I want to be supportive towards them, their company was just not fun to be around, I felt more like a sponsor than a friend.
Isn’t the point of friends to have fun?
NTA
These are not your friends, and as a gamer I feel confident in saying that if you’re falling asleep in a raid and tell them you’re not going to be up to your game because of it, if they don’t thank you for the heads up and try to fill your spot with someone who is awake and competent (no offence intended), then they just have really weird goals.
And as someone with chronic illnesses, I totally get that not everyone wants to hear about it all the time so people who ask very seldom get the whole story, but the people who care about me are in the loop, and this includes my gaming kin. If they don’t get that my medical needs take precedence, they are not my friends and I will wish them well and away.
For those people who are saying it’s just a game, please be aware that this is like any other social group or club where the members have a community that works together on projects for common goals… for sure it’s just a game, but would you look at being a member of a ball team or a service club the same? Because the dynamics and engagement is similar.