My Husband (50) and I have been married 20 years and lived together for 3 years before that. We have teenagers and he works from lunchtime to 10:30 at night Tuesdays-Saturdays. I currently am on medical leave from work waiting for surgery. My injury has some impacts on my life but I’m still able to do things for myself. I do not like to garden, while gardens look good, I know I don’t have the interest to maintain them properly.
Recently we have removed the playground equipment from our backyard and it’s fenced off from the dog, the backyard is a reasonable size and dog has plenty of area.. We already have what was a veggie garden, but it turned to weeds but it’s in the area where the dog will destroy it. The dog is a Labrador. My husband wants to put in another garden bed in where the dog won’t destroy it.
Why I don’t think I’m the a… is because the veggie garden was not taken care of before we got this dog. It was built when we had previous dogs who did not destroy the garden. We have plenty of pots that have sat empty for years that could be used but they have regularly gathered weeds also. I also mow the lawns, he cuts edges but only when I nag.
Given the limited time my husband is home and that my teenagers only see him in the morning and Sundays, I have to nag him to do other things around the house and previous history of it not being maintained AITA for not wanting another 1/2 completed garden when I know that it won’t be maintained.
I don’t get the problem. Your argument appears to be that he’s not allowed a garden because you don’t see the benefit of it even though there’s no negative to you if he does have it. I think you should pick your battles.
Like, what’s the harm?
I think they’re saying that spending time with a garden that will inevitably die will take time away from the things in the house that actually need doing already that aren’t getting done. It’s a time-waster, but most hobbies are.
If he’s going to use this as a ‘free-time’ hobby I don’t think it’s a problem, everyone needs a hobby no matter how much time they do or do not have at home. But if he’s going to use it to create more work for everyone or excuse not doing the things that really need to be done, that’s another thing. I don’t think I have enough info to make a judgement at this point, I really just don’t know enough about his motivations or the situation.
She contradicts herself, first he just going to neglect it then next point he’s spending too much time on it and missing out with his kids?
Sounds like it’s OPs way or the highway, she’s set to disagree with it no matter what. OP is the asshole seeking validation.
That’s not the complaint at ALL. She’s saying he never took care of the garden in the first place, so him spending time building a new one just to not take care of that one too when he already barely spends time with the family is silly.
Info. What’s the real harm other than having a part of your yard be ugly. Is it worth a fight?
INFO What do you mean with “allow your husband”? Does he need your permission to uptake a hobby?
You use the word nagging quite often. Is this really about him taking up a hobby?
Nag simply means “I need to repeatedly ask for things to be done or they won’t be done”.
YTA, just let him have his garden. It’s not worth arguing over.
Just ignore it and let him have some simple fun.
He should have his garden as long as he doesn’t expect any input from you – and that includes nagging him to sort it out.
Since you have teenagers what better time than now to teach them to take care of the lawn. Since you don’t garden and hubby wants to garden isn’t it his yard also. You said he didn’t take care of it but did you get any veggies from the garden ?
YTA, let the man have a hobby. If he doesn’t tend to the garden, ignore it and don’t nag at him about it.
Absolutely NTA and it seems a lot of people are missing the fact that your husband is already neglecting his duties around the house and now wants to add another job that you know he won’t do. I’m so confused about how you’re being painted as the AH here.
It’s nothing to do with not wanting him to have a hobby, and everything to do with not wanting to be the one that picks up the slack as a result.
Anytime you use the word “allow” when talking about your spouse, YTA.
NAH
But I would make a deal with him. (I’m the gardener in our family, btw.) Point out that his previously abandoned projects have grown unsightly and are gathering weeds. Tell him that you are on board with the concept of a new garden bed IF he first cleans up the yard and cleans up the mess from the previous gardening projects that have been abandoned before starting a new one.
This should include:
1) Taking apart the old gardening bed that is full of weeds, digging up weeds and putting down grass seed or sod. Watering grass seed or sod so grass grows there and it turns back into lawn (assuming it’s in a part of the yard that was formerly lawn.) Disposing of any border materials or storing them somewhere out of the way if they can be repurposed.
2) Emptying old flower pots that are full of weeds and storing them in the shed.
After those two projects are complete, I would say he should go forth and have his new garden :).