My husband (31M) and I (30F) bought our first house this year, and we’re hosting Christmas for the first time. We invited both sides of the family: my parents (I’m an only child) and his mom and siblings (30F, 24M, 22M). Our families don’t really know each other well (everyone lives in different cities), so we thought it would be best to do a White Elephant exchange.
We texted his family group chat letting them know the plan. Almost everyone was fine with it except my SIL. She immediately pushed back and said we had to do Secret Santa with everyone invited because that’s their “family tradition.” For context, per my husband, their Secret Santa tradition started because some members couldn’t afford buying multiple gifts, so Secret Santa made things easier.
We explained that because we’re hosting both families this year, a White Elephant would avoid awkwardness. We also pointed out that since we’re the hosts, we should be able to decide what we are doing. She keeps insisting that we “cannot make decisions over their side of the family’s traditions.”
We told her that if they want to do a Secret Santa among themselves, that’s totally fine but not in our home while we are hosting, because it would leave my parents and us sitting there watching an exchange we’re not part of. That would feel rude and uncomfortable.
This is causing way more stress than it should. So, AITA for insisting we stick to White Elephant since we’re hosting both families?
NTA. 1. You are the hosts. 2. You get to start your own traditions. 3. You did not tell them they couldn’t do thier own traditions, just that it needed to be at a time and place that is not your home and party. 4. You presented a compromise.
NTA. You’re the host. You get to choose the rules. Picking a game that leaves out a side of the family creates unnecessary tension.
NTA
You are right. They can do their secret Santa on their own and the White Elephant is a better compromise. I personally dislike secret Santa’s anyways.
INFO: White elephant can be used 2 different ways. One is generic gifts and one is crappy joke gifts. Which one do you mean and is SIL on the same page?
And make sure everyone knows which version is happening! I’ve been to too many where I felt that I had taken a good gift and came home with something that I couldn’t understand anyone wanting.
Generic gifts capped at around $50
Does SIL know that the plan is nice gifts and not joke gifts?
White Elephant is pretty famous for it’s ability to create hard feelings. Not what I’d choose for a meeting of families. Why not just play Monopoly and discuss religion while you’re at it?
NTA, but I think you’re making a potentially tragic decision.
Monopoly and religion 😂😂
I’m not sure what white elephants you’ve been part of, but all the ones I’ve done have mainly featured chocolate, wine, and funny gifts. Nobody leaves upset because nobody spent more than $50 on anything. Shopping for a specific person with a secret Santa is far more challenging.
Because $50 is still more money than I’m comfortable with spending and potentially getting crap in return.
You can get crap in return in any gift exchange with family members who barely know you. That’s why they say, “It’s the thought that counts.”
We have an annual White Elephant. A couple people enjoy it; for others it goes over like a lead balloon. Maybe try a theme, like a book exchange?
I’ve never in real life actually seen white elephant be the fun/funny thing white elephant lovers always say it is. It’s like “oh ok that’s funny I guess…” and then everyone has more plastic garbage for the landfill and less money in their pocket.